Restraint
by pnaixrose
Summary: Sitting at the edge of his recently disarrayed bed, he buried his face into his hands, his amber eyes wide with disbelief. If only he hadn’t given in to his emotions. If only he hadn’t faltered in that one moment in his restraint. "What have I done?” S
1. Breaking

**Restraint**

**By:** pnaixrose

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary**: For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 1**: Breaking

A crowd surrounded a petite girl, almost swallowing her into the sea of faceless people. Despite the rough shoves as people passed her, the grin on her lips remained and her footing didn't falter. Her bubbling happiness didn't waver. Nothing could possibly ruin her day today. Not even the sweltering heat that threatened even the calmest of people into agitation seemed to faze her. As happy as she was however, she was even more anxious.

She tucked a piece of her shoulder-lengthed auburn hair behind her ear, looking excitedly and curiously past Gate 31B. Getting more and more anxious by the second, she clutched onto the bouquet of flowers in her hand.

Didn't his plane already touch down?

For the umpteenth time, she looked down at her watch, wondering why it was ticking so slowly. She could've sworn it had been five forty-five at least five minutes ago! Channeling her restlessness into nervous ticks, she sighed as she tapped her foot impatiently. Fanning herself uselessly with her hand, she continued to evenly look ahead, the excitement still rising inside of her.

It's only been a month. A month without his smiles, his laughs, his cute way of blushing when she kissed him softly on the lips, his irritated retorts when he and Eriol begin to banter, and everything else, proved too hard to handle. Every day she couldn't stop thinking about him. Every day she grew to miss him infinitely times more than the day before. She needed him. She was convinced that a single day that goes by without seeing him or even just hearing his voice drives her into insanity.

This is what happens when you and your boyfriend are basically inseparable for five years. Ever since he had come back to Tomoeda for good when they were thirteen years old, she has been the happiest girl in the world. At once they became inseparable and it was clear that they truly did have strong feelings for each other. Despite the expected arguments and petty fights that usually happen between a couple, it seemed as if their feelings for each other had simply grown throughout the years. It was as if their love knew no bounds.

She had no doubt that they truly, deeply, and passionately loved each other. Furthermore, the love between them was one that was pure, without all the tainted ideas of love. As what happens when young girls and boys grow up, there were expectations and curious inquiries from Tomoyo and other friends about not "going all the way," despite how much they loved each other. And she knew that Eriol surely busted her boyfriend's chops about why they haven't gone further as well. But that was just their relationship. When the time comes, the time comes. It's not like she hadn't thought about it or wanted to and she was sure that he thought about it too. But the opportune time had never come.

Besides, he was one shy guy when it came to things like that. She smiled at the memory of his hesitance whenever their actions started to get a little too passionate. He would always be the responsible one to stop things, never wanting to force her into a situation that she didn't want. And she was fine with that because she didn't think she was ready yet either. But she knew that when she _was_ finally ready, everything will be perfect.

She sighed again, closing her emerald eyes momentarily wanting his image to show up in her mind. The heat was starting to get to her, threatening to put her good mood over the edge, despite her light sundress. July's have been scorching in Japan for the past few years. She remembered that most of the time, they've had to have pool parties for her boyfriend's birthday, which by the way was coming up next week. She smiled. She had been planning the best surprise party known to mankind with Tomoyo and Eriol and she knew that he would be blown away. He'd never had a surprise party. Being a boy who never needed such over the top attention or gifts, he insisted that he never wanted one.

But oh well.

She knew that next week, after a month being away from his friends in Japan, he should want to have a big gathering. He hadn't wanted to go back to Hong Kong anyway. He had grudgingly whined and resisted the whole time. She guessed that one of the reasons he did go back was to see his sisters, mother, and Meiling again.

However, it was odd how they had recalled him back to Hong Kong. With no explanation, his mother had suddenly called while they had been watching a movie with Kero at his house. He had said that after some curt hellos, she had simply said that the she and the Elders demanded that he come back for a month. Deciding that something terrible had happened with the Li Clan, he had reluctantly gone. After all, being the leader, he did have the responsibility to look after the clan. It was hard enough to try to convince them to let him stay in Tomoeda and manage things from afar. He felt that it was unfair and wrong to let the clan go under just because he wasn't there.

He had also left because of another reason.

He had mentioned it quickly (with a cute blush on his face as she recalled) at the airport the last time she had seen him. She would never forget that faint smile and the red tint on his face as they hugged each other tightly, not wanting to part. After she had breathed in his comforting scent one last time, he had pulled away slightly, amber orbs looking deeply into her eyes. He stared into them with all the sincerity in the world.

"_I…I'm going to bring up…that I plan to take your hand in marriage soon..._"

She had let out a small smile, feeling her heart flutter at the unofficial proposal. Her mind had started whirring rapidly, threatening to push her into unconsciousness. Marriage at eighteen? Okay, so maybe they were a little young. But after all, love has no age. That's why she had ardently kissed him that day, giving him her consent. After all, being his wife would make her even happier than being his girlfriend. Waking up next to him, cooking him dinner, bidding him goodbye when they both left the house...these were all images that caused the butterflies in her stomach to awaken. These were images that she had been waiting to become a reality. She knew, more than anything that she wanted to be with him forever, starting now.

However, since he had left, she hadn't gotten any phone calls, text messages, emails, or letters. No matter how many times she had tried to reach him, or even his cousin Meiling, no one picked up. She really hoped that nothing too serious happened with the clan. After all, as much as she hated how selfish she was being, if things really were going badly at the clan he might have to stay there even longer…and she couldn't even go a month without him! But more importantly, she hoped they hadn't turned down his suggestion…

Suddenly, the buzz from the other waiting relatives and loved ones around her became louder and she quickly opened her eyes. Her heart started pounding again as she saw a stream of people leaving the gate and meeting with their respective families and friends. People around her started hugging and smiling as they met up with each other, a sunny ambience filling the area of the airport. The crowd around her grew larger as groups met and she had to stand on her tip toes to try to spot his mop of messy brown hair.

It seemed like hours before the stream of people leaving the airport terminal began to lighten. She didn't think she could take it anymore. She began to get disheartened, which quickly turned into worry. Maybe he had missed his flight? Maybe something serious had happened after all? Maybe–

A mop of unruly hair. A pair of amber eyes. A familiar black backpack lazily lying on his shoulder.

"Syaoran…" she whispered, a tone of relief and excitement in her voice.

She began running towards him, her eyes solely on him, not even aware that she was moving. Her breath had stopped as she rushed towards his figure, trying desperately to decrease the space between them. They needed to be together. She needed to be in his arms. It took a while to push through the other people surrounding her, but she finally broke through them. She ran into him, almost tackling him to the ground, and buried her face into his shirt, wanting to take in his scent again.

"Syaoran! I missed you so much!" she cried into his shirt, hugging him tightly and never wanting to let go again. She felt happy tears coming to her eyes as she breathed him in, embracing the familiar, enticing scent. She felt complete once again, as if her other half had been returned. She didn't realize how much it had literally ached to have him so far away from her, to not hear his voice everyday.

However as she was reveling in her happiness, she started realizing that he was silent, a lot more silent than she expected. She had been thinking that he had missed her just as much and would be just as excited as she was now that they were united again. But he didn't say anything. He didn't even hug back.

"Sakura…" he finally whispered quietly, his body still as a brick.

She pulled away slowly and looked up at him in confusion. Oh, how she missed seeing his face. The way his hair draped lazily over his captivating eyes, the somewhat square line of his jaw, the way his lips always looked so kissable. But something was different right now. Something in his expression hid a sense of reluctance and fear. And his tone of voice was so…sad?

Sakura looked into his amber eyes and saw a sadness that was beyond description. It was as if his soul had been sucked out of his body. His whole demeanor hinted at a grief that was too complicated for words. "Syaoran? What's wrong?" she asked in worry. "Is there something wrong back in Hong Kong? Are you and your family okay?" Then her emerald eyes darkened as she feared the worse. "Did they…did they not approve of the wedding?"

Syaoran sighed, his expression falling all the more. "Sakura…"

"Tell them we know that we're young! Tell them we're ready!" she insisted, her eyebrows furrowed in distress. "We know it'll be tough but we'll make it. I know we will." She took his warm hands in her sweaty palms and gave a sincere smile. "We're meant to be, Syaoran. I know it. And if they can't handle–"

Abruptly, he jerked his hands away from her and looked away, running his hand through his hair. Sakura suddenly felt her body go numb in shock. He had never been so cold to her. He had never pulled his body so quickly from her. She stood there as if she had been slapped as her boyfriend heaved a deep sigh once again. It took him awhile to look at her in the eyes once more.

"We shouldn't be together anymore."

Her emerald orbs widened at his sudden words. She suddenly felt numb, as if every sensation had just melted off of her and into the ground. Did he just…?

She felt the small hairs behind her neck stand on end. She felt sweat forming on her brow…and it was not because of the heat.

"W-What?" she distantly heard herself ask.

This time, he turned away from her distraught gaze. "We…We shouldn't be together anymore."

Sakura couldn't speak. She could barely think. "I...I don't understand. Why are you saying this? Did something happen in Hong Kong?"

Syaoran's stance was stiff and he avoided her eye as much as possible. "I just realized that my priorities should concern more of my clan and less of wasting my life here. I'm going back to Hong Kong next week…for good."

These were just more words that she didn't understand. Wasting his life? Going back to Hong Kong? She tried to make sense of it all, tried to understand his cutting words. "B-But…I thought you said this was your home? I thought you wanted to start a family in Tomoeda? I thought–"

"Well you thought wrong!" he yelled in annoyance.

She felt as if she had been slapped…again. Why was he saying these things? What had happened to the unbreakable bond that they had? "Syaoran," she begged, emerald orbs pleading, "please help me understand. Did I do something wrong? I-I didn't even know you felt this way. I…I thought our love was just as strong as ever…"

He was silent for awhile, simply looking anywhere but her face. When he spoke again, it was with a deep, ominous voice that she had never heard before. "Maybe that's what's wrong. I…" He took a gulp as his jaw tightened. "…I don't love you anymore."

Sakura could have sworn she felt her heart violently being torn from her chest. An abrupt ache started to fill her as her body shook. Tears started overflowing her eyes, and her vision of him was blurred. She took a step back as if trying to save herself from his words.

But nothing she could do could make everything better.

"Y-You don't mean that, Syaoran!" she tried to choke, disbelief apparent in her voice. "What about all our memories? Our stories? W-What about everything we've been through?"

He swallowed again. "They just don't mean that much to me."

Syaoran felt a harsh sting across his face as she sharply slapped him. He saw her look helplessly up at him, as if her whole world had been torn apart.

Those rivers of tears, the look of disbelief in her eyes, the hurt. He would never forget her expression.

With that one look she turned on her heel and ran, dropping the bouquet of flowers in front of him. She rudely pushed through people, trying to get away from the pain. Her vision was blurred, her mind was whirling, and her heart and soul were broken. Sakura felt like something had just crashed down on only her, wanting to crush every bone in her body. Actually, she _wanted_ to be crushed to death. It would have hurt much less than having her heart crushed to pieces.

However, if she had just looked back...she would've seen a Syaoran, his palms balled into fists, just as heartbroken as she was.

Standing alone, he ignored the stares and hushed comments from the people around him. He just thought about her face…her beautiful face…

God…how it hurt to see her cry, to know that _he_ did this to her…

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. And he had almost his will when she had hugged him so tight that he almost couldn't breathe. It had felt so good to be near her again, to feel her hair tickling his neck, to hear her joyful voice that he always felt weak against. Feeling the obvious love she had for him was undeniably the best feeling he had ever felt. It was second only to feeling the same amount of love he had reserved only for her.

He felt his chest tighten, as he looked down at the forgotten flowers in shame.

Hurting her…literally hurt him as well. Never before had he experienced such an agonizing, slow pain. Never before had he felt so broken.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered.

It had to be done. God knows that he didn't want to cause her or himself so much hurt. However, if he had even dared to try to be happy with the only love in his life, a pain much greater than this would erupt. A pain that could really kill.

Oh how he wished he could just…love her. Freely. Deeply. Unconditionally. How he ached to be able to touch her, hug her, kiss her like they were the only two people that mattered. How he wanted to never ever cause her so much grief again and protect her from anything else that would upset her.

How he wished he could be with her and make things better…just how things were before.

He slowly picked up the flowers and walked away, throwing them into a nearby trash bin.

"This was for the best," he repeated aloud, trying to console himself. A batch of tears threatened to spill from his eyes. "This was for the best…"

* * *

**Booya! I'm back in the CCS fanfiction world! I tried to promise myself not to write this until I was done with my DNAngel one, but I just couldn't help it. I miss CCS so much, haha. **

**Well I hope you guys liked this one! Don't worry, the chapters get longer later. Please review and leave comments! I miss reading your comments so much, haha!**


	2. Visiting

**Restraint**

**By:** pnaixrose

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary**: For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 2**: Visiting

"Sakura, I don't know if we should even still be doing this," an amethyst eyed maiden commented quietly, her voice full of reluctance. She and her boyfriend, Hiiragazawa Eriol glanced at each other from the corners of their eyes. They were seated around Sakura's kitchen table, staring at the cake that Sakura had just taken out of the oven. It was a fluffy and delicious-looking fudge cake that only needed the icing and finishing touches in order to make it look even more delectable.

Sakura, flour streaked across her cheek and an apron draped over her stomach, just nodded in response. "Of course we should," she said softly as she grabbed the icing she had bought from the grocery store. Chocolate icing for a fudge cake. His favorite kind… "I wouldn't have called you to help me if I didn't, Tomoyo."

"But Sakura," Eriol started tentatively, trying to choose his words carefully. "He…He hurt you. He's being a bastard. And I don't think we should be–"

Sakura clenched her jaw as she squeezed the icing tubes in her hands so hard that her two best friends thought that the icing was going to squirt out of them. Hiiragazawa Eriol and Daidouji Tomoyo looked sadly at her pained face as she cleared her throat.

"It's his birthday. He deserves something on his birthday right?" she whispered.

Eriol sighed as he closed his eyes in annoyance. Damn that Syaoran for causing Sakura all this pain without even having a legitimate reason to. "No. No he doesn't."

"Fine," Sakura snapped, glaring at Tomoyo and Eriol uncharacteristically. "You can leave then."

"Sakura," Tomoyo pleaded, wanting her best friend to understand their point of view. "We're just worried. We're your best friends and we–"

"Well I don't need '_best friends,_' okay? I don't need you." Her usually bright emerald eyes were a dark green as they flashed in anger and frustration. Tomoyo flinched in obvious hurt. Sakura had never spoken to _anyone_ with so much bitterness, especially not to her best friend and cousin.

There was an uneasy silence before Sakura said a quick, "Excuse me," dropped the icing tubes, and leaving the kitchen in a hurry. The couple that was left behind heard her quick steps run up the staircase and winced as they heard her bedroom door slam.

Tomoyo heaved a sigh, running a shaky hand through her long, dark hair. "I…I don't know what to do…"

Next to her, Eriol patted his girlfriend's back, trying to comfort her. "It'll be okay."

But honestly, he didn't know if things will ever be okay. Things had never been this bad between Sakura and Syaoran. Sure, they've fought before, but this was…

…This was just bad.

He still remembered the day that Sakura had burst into Tomoyo's house while he and Tomoyo had been studying. She had been in tears and had been barely recognizable. He had never seen the Card Mistress is such an upset state. Just seeing her expression that day, an expression of lost luster, confirmed that something horrible had happened. And when she had explained to them in broken sobs what had happened at the airport, he almost couldn't believe it.

Li Syaoran was not a cold person. Sure, he sometimes acted cold. But that is only to cover up the pressure he has had to endure as the Li Clan heir. Eriol knew Syaoran. And he knew that Syaoran loved Sakura. He knew that Sakura had changed Syaoran's life for the better and that he would have never let anything come between them.

So what _did_ come between them?

While still trying to comfort Tomoyo, he heard her break into a slight sob and saw that tears were running down her cheeks. Eriol's jaws clenched at the sight as he pulled her into a hug. He knew Tomoyo was in pain, probably in much more pain than he felt. For almost a week now, Tomoyo had personally taken the brunt of Sakura's uncharacteristic retorts. Never before had Sakura spoken to her – or anyone else for that matter – in such a caustic way.

He hated it when Tomoyo cried. And he hated the source of whatever was making her cry. And the source right now was Syaoran who had forced Sakura become so cold in the first place.

So right now, he hated his best friend, Li Syaoran, with his entire being.

"And I-I'm supposed to invite Syaoran to the surprise party tomorrow, Eriol," Tomoyo said helplessly, her eyes scared. "I don't want to, but I have to for Sakura. She begged me to. How am I supposed to face him when right now I…I hate his guts for hurting her?" She sniffled and then heaved a sigh. "Plus, we've been trying to contact him for the past week and he hasn't picked up his phone, return our texts, or anything! I even waited outside his apartment for a whole hour yesterday! God…I don't know what to do. I wish I could help Sakura, but I just really don't want to even think about Syaoran right now."

"I know, I know," Eriol said soothingly, still rubbing her back. "I'll come with you tonight to ask him, okay? We'll get through to him. I hate him too right now, but he's still Syaoran after all. Our best friend…Li Syaoran. Right? We'll find out what's wrong with him."

Tomoyo looked up at him with a discouraged frown. "Hopefully."

* * *

After slamming her door, Sakura leaned against it, her whole body shaking violently. It was unusually messy in her room and Kero looked up at her from his spot in front of the television.

The guardian uncharacteristically gulped in nervousness as he floated toward his mistress. "S-Sakura? Are you okay?"

Sakura swatted him roughly away so that he landed on her bed with a soft thud. "Leave me alone, Kero."

Quickly and sadly, Kero scurried from the bed covers and hurried to his place in Sakura's drawer. Ever since last week, his mistress had become so…unSakura-like. Although he had tried in every way to help her or even just find out what was bothering her, she was still so cold and bitter. He soon learned to just stay out of her way.

Before closing the drawer and enveloping himself in its darkness, he looked wearily at his mistress and sighed. "Sakura…please. Just let me help–"

Suddenly he saw a pillow flying towards him and quickly ducked into his haven, closing the drawer in a hurry.

Sakura's hands had turned into fists as she looked down at her carpet, still leaning against her door. They didn't understand. They all just didn't understand. They can't help. The most that they could do was just get out of her damn way.

She glanced at her wall calendar. Today was Friday, July 12th. Tomorrow's date was circled with a big red heart. July 13th. Syaoran's birthday.

Maybe if she showed him just how much he meant to her, he'd come back. Maybe if she made this party the best party he's ever had, he'd realize that she _did_ mean a lot to him and that her love for him was just too valuable to let go of. A week of unanswered phone calls and messages had left her weary. This party was her last chance…before he went back to Hong Kong the next morning and walked out of her life forever.

He couldn't have meant what he said. He just couldn't have. That Syaoran at the airport had been troubled. He hadn't been thinking straight. Something had gone wrong in Hong Kong and he was just upset. Things will return to normal after this party…they had to.

Besides…she still loved him. She loved him so much that it literally hurt.

She watched as a few drops of her own tears soaked into her carpet. His words that day were still planted firmly in her mind. It was as if he was right in front of her saying them over and over and over again, like a spiteful broken record.

"…_I don't love you anymore."_

She slid down against the door, and buried her face into her knees, trying to stop the tears. How could he say that? After everything that they've been through? After everything that they've planned?

Wasn't it just a month ago that he had proposed to her?

"Syaoran…," she said, sobbing quietly for the hundredth time that week, "please…_please_ don't mean it…"

* * *

Eriol rang the doorbell for the twentieth time. Tomoyo was standing behind him, almost nervously. They had been waiting outside Syaoran's apartment for almost fifteen minutes already and still no one responded. Getting fed up, Eriol started banging on the door loudly, the noise echoing through the empty hallway. With one final loud bang, he grunted in frustration and Tomoyo sighed helplessly.

"Maybe we should just go, Eriol," she said, her eyes downcast.

But the sorcerer stubbornly shook his head as his azure eyes narrowed. "He's in there. I can feel his aura. He's just not answering the damn door." He rang the bell three more times before uncharacteristically throwing his hands up in frustration and leaving one hand hovering above the door knob. Both his hand and the knob began to glow red as a familiar magic circle formed around him at his feet.

Suddenly they heard a click and the door opened.

"E-Eriol!" Tomoyo exclaimed as the other tenants started to come out of their apartments in concern of all the noise. "Be careful! You didn't even check if anyone else was around!"

Eriol simply grunted and entered the apartment, leaving Tomoyo to momentarily assure the other tenants that everything was already before following him inside. Whenever Eriol wasn't cautious about his magic, she knew that he was livid. He was always careful about his magic, even more so than Sakura and Syaoran. And he rarely used it to do menial tasks like opening a locked door anymore.

Eriol squinted through his glasses around the place as his companion shut the door behind them. It was dark, and nothing but a sliver of moonlight through the blinds illuminated the apartment. They stepped in cautiously, surprised at the starkness of the place. It seemed that Syaoran had packed up. Everything except the couch had been packed into the cardboard boxes that were scattered around the rather large apartment.

As they shuffled through the space, it seemed to be completely. All his dishes, silverware, pillows, and knickknacks around the apartment had been packed. Tomoyo saddened at the sight of it. It seemed as if Syaoran really was planning to leave again…for good.

Eriol spotted a dismantled phone and answering machine that had seemed to be thrown against the wall, explaining the reason why they weren't even connecting to his land line when they called and why he wasn't answering their messages. Suddenly, next to the phone, he spotted a picture frame lying face down on the floor. He bent down to pick it up and saw that it was a candid picture of Syaoran and Sakura during Sakura's last birthday. They had all spent it at the cherry blossom park and Syaoran and Sakura were sitting by the lake, Syaoran's arm around Sakura's shoulder.

Tomoyo was standing behind him as he looked at the picture and she gave a sad smile. "I took that picture. They had looked so peaceful so I had to capture it. After Syaoran saw it he wanted it to be framed. So I framed it for him…"

Eriol looked carefully at Syaoran's and Sakura's serene expression. Sakura was looking up at Syaoran with her head tilted to the side, while he was looking down at her with a contented smile.

Eriol started shaking his head, his fingers gripping the frame. "There's no way that he doesn't love her anymore…" he asserted to himself, staring at the picture. "This is proof that he's lying. Why would this picture be just lying around like this?"

Suddenly, they heard a gruff voice that was tinted with anger. "What the fuck do you two think you're doing here?"

Tomoyo jumped as Eriol glared at the man who just entered the room. Syaoran was standing a few feet behind them, in front of his bedroom, the only room that Eriol and Tomoyo hadn't checked yet.

Syaoran glared at them in annoyance from behind the even more ruffled than usual brown hair of his. He wore a simple white T-shirt and long basketball shorts. It looked as if he had just gotten out of bed except that his eyes had dark circles under them so it looked like he was sleep deprived at the same time. He looked just as livid as Eriol felt about him.

"So you've been home all this time?" Eriol asked gruffly, staring down his friend.

"Maybe."

"So why haven't answered our phone calls? Or even bother to answer the door just now?"

Syaoran's mouth twitched, as both he and Eriol took a dangerous step towards each other. "Eriol, why don't you just stay the fuck–"

"Guys, guys…" the only girl in the room interjected suddenly, stepping in front of Eriol before Syaoran can instigate anything else. She looked from Eriol and Syaoran, giving them both warning looks. The usual peacemaker, Tomoyo certainly did not want a fight to erupt, especially if it was between two of her best friends. "Let's not fight, okay?"

There was an awkward silence between the three and Tomoyo felt a drop of sweat forming on her forehead from the tension. With her eyes, she urged Eriol to calm down and he eventually looked away, signaling that he was backing away and letting her take over.

Tomoyo looked at Syaoran carefully, analyzing his appearance. His shoulders were hunched. His back was arched. His amber eyes were empty. It looked as if he had been defeated. This was the man who had cruelly said all those words to Sakura and basically tore out and broke her best friend's heart. This was the man who had caused Sakura to become so heartless and cold.

He seemed different. He seemed beaten. He was definitely not the Syaoran that Tomoyo had known for all these years.

"We…" Tomoyo started, trying to force her dry throat to speak, "…we wanted to let you know to go to Sakura's house tomorrow. At two o'clock."

Syaoran looked away suddenly at the mention of the name. "Why should I?"

There was another silent moment as Tomoyo didn't know what to respond. "Because she wants you to," she finally said. "Isn't that reason enough?"

She saw him hesitate and then suddenly shake his head. "She means nothing to me. So I have no reason to go just because she wants me to," he said with spite.

Tomoyo felt her boyfriend beside her get tense with anger and move slightly toward Syaoran, but she put an easing hand in front of him. She had to admit, she felt just as angry as Eriol at Syaoran's words. But something was wrong. The way Syaoran sounded when he said that…he sounded like he was forcing himself to say all that.

"What's wrong, Syaoran?" the raven haired maiden asked calmly as she took a step towards him, her voice gentle. "I can tell you're holding something back. Please, just tell us. We want to help. We're your friends."

As she took another step, she got a better look at his face. His eyes were looking down in complete misery at her words.

"Please…" she whispered. "I know you still love her. So please, don't do this. After all, we all know that you and Sakura…are _meant_ to be together. I know it."

Suddenly his body started to shake in anger. "You don't know anything," Syaoran said darkly. "Don't you dare tell me that I still love her! I don't, damn it! And Kinomoto and I are _not_ meant to be together, I can assure you of that!" he spat as Tomoyo backed away in shock at both his use of Sakura's last name and his anger. "Don't play your fucking analyzing games with me, Daidouji!"

Suddenly, without warning, Eriol had punched Syaoran in the face, causing him to fall backward onto the floor. Cursing, Eriol threw more punches at him as he furiously pinned him against the ground. Meanwhile, Tomoyo was screaming in fright, hopelessly trying to peel Eriol off of Syaoran. Even though Syaoran was able to gain the upper hand at one point, Eriol had suddenly wrung his hand around Syaoran's neck and roughly held him up against the wall, his hand still wrapped around Syaoran's neck. Eriol glared daggers at Syaoran's bloodied face behind his glasses.

"I don't care who the fuck you are. Even if you're my best friend, you don't _dare_ speak to Tomoyo that way," Eriol hissed as Syaoran stared back at him while trying to get air.

"Eriol!" Tomoyo yelled in a frenzy, "Let him go. _Now_!"

Eriol suddenly let go, much to Tomoyo's relief, causing the amber-eyed man to fall to the ground, gasping for air. Clow Reed's reincarnation calmly pushed his glasses, which had fallen to the tip of his nose during the fray, back up to his eyes.

"Actually, make that _ex_ best friend," he spat.

He then turned on his heel and headed toward the front door, protectively grabbing Tomoyo's arm on the way. She meekly followed, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she gave Syaoran one last glare. But Eriol stopped before exiting the apartment.

"You better be there tomorrow," Eriol threatened. "And you should be grateful that Touya and Yukito are in England. If they weren't, you'd be an even bloodier pulp than now for hurting Sakura so much."

With that, the door slammed and Syaoran was left alone in the dark once more.

He struggled as he got up, feeling as if his face had become numb. Tentatively touching his lip, he realized that both his lip and nose were bleeding and cursed under his breath. Sighing, he walked to the bathroom and washed his face, hoping that the bleeding would subside soon.

Leaning against the sink, he looked at himself at the mirror in front of him, letting the water run. His eyes were dark and his face was now bruised. For the longest time, he had been wondering what it would be like when he came face to face with two of his best friends again. He couldn't have imagined it to go worse than how it really went just now.

Damn. They were the two who had helped him so many times, who had helped him realize his love for Sakura, who had helped him open up to others, who had teased him and made fun of him endlessly. Never before had he imagined that they would hate him so much. Especially Tomoyo.

But he _did_ hurt Sakura. And that was enough reason for anyone to hate him. After all, Sakura was the sweetest, most innocent, most lively girl in the entire universe. Anyone who hurt her was sure to get a serious beating.

For the hundredth time that week, he pictured her tearful face that he had caused…

…and wanted to give himself a beating for hurting her.

He swallowed and he felt that feeling of complete guilt and anger at himself envelope him. He gripped onto the side of the marble sink in frustration as he thought of her, his fingers feeling cold and numb as their gripped tightened.

How could Sakura still want to see him after what happened at the airport? How could she still be thinking of him or even loving him? Damn it! She was ruining everything that he had meticulously planned! Did she always have to be so forgiving and loving all the time? If she kept this up, he didn't know how long he would last. He didn't know if he could resist seeing her and talking to her. He didn't know how long he could deny his love for her.

It had felt so wrong when he had said that. When he said the words, '_I don't love you anymore,'_ he swore he heard the gods cursing him for saying such an enormous lie. He swore he felt his own heart threatening to stop beating for denying such a strong emotion.

But of course, she just had to ruin everything he had been hoping for! After carefully planning that both she and his friends would completely hate him and thus leave him alone, he just _had_ to be invited to Sakura's house! Couldn't she just let it go? He had been pleading, hoping, wishing, that she could just forget about him…

…Even though it was the last thing he ever wanted, it was the most important thing that he _needed_ to happen. If she just let him go, everything would be right with the world. She would forget him and he'd just go on with the life that he was miserably destined to lead...

…Too bad it was a life without her.

Sakura…He missed her…He needed her. He honestly didn't think he could live any longer knowing that she wasn't in his life anymore. It was too hard…

But he would just have to adapt. "It's for the best," he repeated inside his head.

That phrase had become his inner mantra this week. The only thing that had somewhat helped in subsiding the hurt was repeating, '_It's for the best. It's for the best. It's for the best,_' in his head.

"You're wrong, Tomoyo," he whispered, looking down at the running water, "Sakura and I definitely aren't meant to be together…"

In fact, loving her is the one thing he can never do…


	3. Resisting

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary**: For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 3:** Resisting

Sakura was standing alone in her kitchen, hearing a few people milling around in the living room. She looked down at the chocolate fudge cake with chocolate icing. She had stayed up late last night trying to get the icing to look as intricate and well-made as possible. After coating the entire cake with the icing, she then put a design all along the sides, having to start over countless times because of her clumsiness. Then, she had written an elegant, "_Happy Birthday, Syaoran!_" on the top with white icing.

It had taken an awfully long time…but she had spent an even longer time waiting for him today.

She glanced at the oven's digital clock. It was eight-thirty at night.

The party was supposed to start at two.

People had already left hours ago, seeing that the celebrant wasn't even showing up. The ones that were left had only stayed in courtesy. The decorations and the balloons that Sakura had bought and blew up herself had gone to waste. The snacks had been devoured and the food had been ravaged through. Only the cake was left. It was obvious the party was over…before it had even begun.

Sakura swallowed, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

Syaoran hadn't even bothered to show up…even though she waited for six and a half long hours.

It was a disaster. This whole night, everything she planned…was a total disaster. How stupid could she be for believing that he would come? How stupid could she be for believing that he still wanted to see her, be with her…love her?

The tears started pouring for the thousandth time. She just couldn't understand. She couldn't understand where the Syaoran she had known for the past few years had gone. What had happened to him that had caused him turned out this way? Had she done something to upset him?

Did he meet someone else in Hong Kong?

The thought hurt. Syaoran falling in love with someone else, hugging her, kissing her, and promising all the things that they had promised between themselves stung. Her blood started boiling at the mere notion.

How could he?

"Sakura…" a soft, female voice said behind her.

"Leave me alone, Tomoyo," Sakura retorted darkly.

Tomoyo sighed as Eriol came to her side and watched helplessly as Sakura suffered. "Let us help, Sakura…" he said sadly. They tried to approach her to hug and comfort her, but she roughly jerked away, unknowingly pushing the chocolate cake off of the table and making it fall to the floor with a deafening splat.

There was an uneasy silence as the three simply stared at the ruined cake, which had taken Sakura hours to perfect.

Things simply couldn't get any worse.

Sakura's tears started to flow faster as she looked sadly at the mess on the floor. Then she looked at her two best friends with such malice that both Eriol and Tomoyo actually felt the urge to back away. "Y-You didn't invite him, did you?"

"We did, Sakura," Eriol hopelessly insisted. "We did it personally. We told him."

Tomoyo nodded. "He said he wasn't going to come," she said sadly. "We told you it was no use."

Sakura shook her head furiously, the tears still pouring. "I knew I couldn't count on you two. I'll just have to go myself."

She started towards the back door. But before she could put her hand on the doorknob, Tomoyo grabbed her arm. "Please, Sakura," the long haired maiden pleaded. "You don't want to go there. Something's wrong with him. You wouldn't want to see him like that. If we just let whatever is bothering him die down then maybe he'll come back to us. Maybe all we need is time–"

But Sakura roughly jerked out of her grasp. "I don't have time!" she said, her back turned to them. "He leaves tomorrow! And if I don't talk to him, I just know that there's no chance of anything returning back to the way things were."

"But Sakura!"

However, the door had already slammed shut behind Sakura's retreating figure. In tears herself, Tomoyo was about to run to catch up with her best friend when Eriol grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

"Eriol, let me go! I can't let her see him like that! I can't let her get hurt even more!" she yelled, struggling to free herself from his hold.

He only held her tighter, causing her to bury her head into his chest. "It's no use. You know how Sakura is when she's determined like that."

She looked up at him, teary-eyed. "But Eriol…"

"It's okay," he soothed. "She changed him before. Maybe she can change him again."

As Eriol held her in the Kinomotos' kitchen, he tried to assure himself of the same thing he had just told Tomoyo. Despite everything that has happened, Sakura was the one person who would be able to get through to Syaoran…right?

* * *

He closed his amber eyes, feeling the hot water pelt his face. He still couldn't believe that in a few hours he'd be leaving…for good.

Tomoeda…his friends' home…Sakura's home…_his_ home.

He'd miss it. And he'd miss Sakura.

Damn. Why is it that he has to give up everything that he holds dear? From his father…to his new home…to his first and only love. It seems that he is destined to never attain a happiness that he can hold onto forever.

He opened his eyes slightly, relishing the hot shower's steam soaking into his skin. If only he had been born a different man in a different family…Maybe then he wouldn't have to experience such a lonely, unhappy future. He wouldn't have to forsake everything he has come to love. And he wouldn't have to deal with the damn Li curse he had recently learned about.

But no. If he had been born a different man he wouldn't have made the friends he has made here and he wouldn't have experienced the experiences he's had. And he wouldn't have fallen in love with Sakura.

A life of not even having a _chance _to know Sakura was a life worse than the life he was destined to live now. A life not knowing Kinomoto Sakura's pleasant giggles, optimistic attitude, and bright emerald eyes was just too hard to bear.

…But so was the life that would come if he did pursue his love for her.

Turning the water off, he stepped outside and dried himself quickly, throwing on some boxers and some sweatpants after he was done. He left the warmth of the bathroom and stepped into his dark apartment's coldness and eventually found himself staring at the picture frame that Eriol and Tomoyo had been looking at the night before. His eyes softened at the sight of her.

God...He missed her.

This picture had always bore a soft spot for him. He wasn't a very sentimental person, and so it was odd that a simple photograph could have such an effect on him. But it…it simply captured the true essence of Sakura. The way her soft hair beautifully moved with the breeze. The way her eyes seemed to sparkle. The way she unconditionally and deeply loved him.

And all of that had made him the man he had always wanted to be…the man whom the Elders had been trying _not_ raise him to be all these years. He had grown into a man who didn't withhold his emotions, who didn't want to focus on only business and duty, and who wanted to be happy. The Elders' brutal training with him when he was younger had been useless. Yes he was a strong leader, a skillful martial artist, a powerful magician…

…but they hadn't been able to fully train his heart to feel nothing. It had all changed when he had met the Card Mistress.

He looked at the picture, analyzing his own figure. His eyes were softened with love as he looked down at Sakura. Indeed, he had become a failure in the Elders' eyes. He was a man who had learned how to love…and thus a man who could threaten the Li clan's stability. After all, having emotions meant being vulnerable. And a vulnerable leader was someone his clan did not need…

…especially after having a vulnerable leader like his father.

Syaoran walked into his dim bedroom, the picture frame still at hand, and set out to dig out the photograph Yelan had given him…the photograph which had changed everything. Grabbing it from his desk, he analyzed it like so many times before, his amber eyes still unbelieving.

In the frayed and aged photo sat his father, Li Chen, and a woman he had never met. Syaoran noticed that his father was still young and that he looked remarkably similar to him. The same facial structure. The same hair. The only thing that he didn't have in common with his father was the eyes. His father's were dark brown, almost black. On the other hand, the woman whom his father was so lovingly looking down at had amber eyes. They were eyes that could pierce through a person's soul. They were eyes that held legions of emotions.

Amber eyes exactly like Syaoran's.

He looked over the woman for the hundredth time since he first received it a month ago in Hong Kong. Fair skin. Long, dark brown hair. A smile that fully captured his father's gaze.

It was his mother. His birth mother.

Syaoran had always wondered why Li Yelan looked so remarkably different from his sisters and him. Pale skin. Raven, pin straight hair. Dark, intense, black eyes. Meanwhile, the Li children had brown hair and bright, amber eyes. They were eyes that he had finally realized that he and his sisters had inherited from their real mother…Li Zhu.

His older sisters and his step-mother, Li Yelan, had all known. He remembered a few weeks ago in Hong Kong when he had finally mustered up the courage to tell them his plans of marrying Sakura. They had all turned pale and his "mother" had sputtered her angry refusal.

"_You cannot marry the Card Mistress! The Elders and I forbid it! In fact, you are never to speak to her again! On my orders, you are to come back to live in Hong Kong and never step foot in Japan!"_

He had fought back. No one could tell him what to do. Not his sisters, not the Elders, not his own mother…or at least the woman he had thought to be his mother. After all, this was Sakura they were talking about. He loved her. And he wouldn't let anything get in the way of that.

He wanted an explanation why she disapproved so much. An uneasy silence had risen between them as Yelan had breathed a sigh as he stared at him with sad, hesitant eyes.

"_I'm…I'm not your mother."_

He had been shocked. But he didn't understand why she had brought that up at a time when they were discussing marrying Sakura. He was furious that she would have the audacity to hide such a lie for such a long time and then suddenly bring it out as if it would change his mind about the love of his life.

"_You don't understand, little brother."_

He had insisted that they make him understand. He had a right to know!

"_The woman whom you bear your first son with, the Li clan heir, will…"_

They had suddenly grown silent. And he had shouted that nothing would keep him and Sakura apart! Absolutely nothing!

"…_she'll die. Like our mother did when she had you."_

Death while giving birth to the heir of the Li clan. For centuries this unexplained occurrence had happened. Although the woman might have been completely healthy and might have possessed incredible magical powers, she would always pass away. She would basically become a sacrifice for the sake of the Li heir's life.

The immediate head family of the clan and the Elders has kept this a well-hidden secret with the rest of the Lis and everyone else outside their family, blaming it on the hardships of natural childbirth. But even now with new medical technology, it's always been the same.

In his bout of shock, Syaoran had asked why. He had _demanded _to know why.

They didn't have an answer. Some of the Elders and scholars in the past had thought it was due to the immense magic that the Li heir possessed and that the mother couldn't handle it for some reason. Others blamed it on the male dominated traditions of the Li clan, that before the clan even started, the prominent ideology of putting men on a pedestal has created a sacrificial role for the woman. But after a time, they stopped blaming it on theories and asking why it happened and eventually started to accept the occurrence for what it was…a curse.

In his bedroom, Syaoran gripped onto the two photographs, his hands trembling. He couldn't help but notice the similarities between them…especially the obvious love that emitted between the two couples. Like father, like son.

His sisters' words in Hong Kong came to mind.

"_Father had loved our mother with all his heart…"_

Just as Syaoran loved Sakura.

"_They had fallen in love against the Elders' wishes."_

Just as how the Elders' forbade Syaoran's love for the Card Mistress.

"_They both knew about what would happen if she bore him a son. They had thought that love would conquer it. They didn't want to pass up living a life together."_

"_But she died giving birth to you. And Father wasn't the same after that. He blamed himself. And although he married again due to duty, he died soon after of a lonely, guilt-ridden heart."_

Then suddenly as his sister had said that, Syaoran realized he didn't want to take a chance with Sakura's life. Yes, he wished with all his heart that he could be with her and that they could raise a family together for the rest of their lives. But if it meant that she will die…he knew he wouldn't be able to take the guilt. He wouldn't be able to take knowing that he had basically led her to her own death. He wouldn't be able to take knowing that no matter what he did or how much he loved her, there was no way he could've saved her.

Syaoran's mother had died because of him. His father had indirectly died because of him since he had been so heartbroken about the death of his first wife. He didn't want Sakura to share the same fate. No…especially not Sakura.

That's why he had to break her heart, make her forget about him, go back to Hong Kong, and live the rest of his life without her. His duty as leader of the clan didn't allow for happiness.

Oh how he wished he could tell her, but he knew that she wouldn't care. She would insist that she still become his wife and have his children no matter what her own fate was to be. That's why this had to be the way things were going now.

Being cold to her, breaking her heart, breaking his friendships with her friends, not showing up at her house at the time Tomoyo told him to…these were all things he desperately didn't want to do. Yet, he knew that if he slipped in his mission, he would suddenly find himself embracing her again and not caring about the stupid Li clan or its curse. He'd simply want to live in the happiness that he was forbidden to have.

Abruptly, he picked up his head and widened his eyes. He sensed a familiar aura that abruptly interrupted his thoughts and he felt his heart pounding.

No, Sakura…please…

* * *

"Lock!"

She was furious. She was livid.

She was hurt.

Barging into the familiar apartment and slamming the door behind her in tears, she didn't care if anyone else saw or heard her take out her Sakura Card. She was determined to speak to him, to get to the bottom of things. She had the right to know why he suddenly didn't love her anymore, right?

It was dark in the apartment and it was sadly empty. Nothing but a few packed and addressed cardboard boxes filled the living room. And suddenly she felt the sting of reality. Syaoran really did intend to move back to Hong Kong. He really did intend to leave her.

Suddenly, she sensed his presence and saw him exit his room on the other side of the apartment. He was shirtless, his bare chest revealing a body toned with years of physical training, and only had a pair of sweatpants. Sakura swallowed down her hurt as she saw him approach her. She wouldn't buckle down to his sudden unusual cold words. She wouldn't give in to the voice inside her head simply urging her that the hurt he would cause wasn't worth it…

…because he _was_ worth it.

"Damn it. You shouldn't be here," he said, his tone piercing. "I thought at the airport I had made myself clear!"

"No," she retorted angrily. "You _never_ made yourself clear. I don't understand why you're doing this. I have a right to know why!"

He scowled at her, his amber eyes flashing. "Just let it go, Kinomoto. It's as simple as I said before. I just don't love you."

He felt the sting of his words run through him as he saw the evident hurt in her eyes. _Leave, Sakura_, he pleaded in his mind. He didn't know how long he stand here and hurt her. He didn't know how long he could restrain himself from just running up to her, holding her, kissing her, and telling her that everything he said was a lie.

Sakura stood there in silence, staring at him. He had called her by her last name. He had said those five cutting words again. And although these things hurt, there was something in his eyes that said that he was hurting too.

She took a step towards him and saw him step back. She wiped the tears from her face as she looked defiantly at him. "Why are you lying?"

_Shit!_ "I-I'm not lying! I told you…You just don't mean anything to me!"

She took another step as he stepped back as well. Sakura gave a little sad smile. "I can see right through you. You know that right?"

_No…please_… "Bullshit. You only see what you want to see."

"Syaoran…" She was right in front of him now, and he had nothing but the wall behind him. He couldn't run away. "Please…I'm here for you. Tell me what's wrong."

Her emerald eyes were honest. Syaoran couldn't help but curse her for caring about others before she cared about himself. She was always so loving, no matter what she was going through. This was usually something that he adored, something that he had always admired. But right now, it was working completely against him. He started to scramble his mind for anything that he could say to make her back away. He couldn't let her want to be with him, to want to help him anymore…even if it was the last thing he wanted to do, he would get her to stop loving him. "I-I met someone else!" he sputtered. "In Hong Kong. A-And I love her."

She suddenly stiffened at his words. So…her fears had been confirmed? Had he really met someone else? She felt the tears spring back into her eyes once again and she turned around, faltering in her task. Suddenly she didn't think that he was lying anymore. And now that she had her answer to why he was acting like this, she had to get out of this place. And fast.

She whipped around and beamed at him. His breath caught in distress as he saw it. It was fake. He could tell. And her eyes were still gushing with tears. "I…I hope you're happy, Syaoran," she whispered. Her eyes then softened, gazing up at him with so much sincerity that he felt his heart wrench in his chest. "But you know…I'll always love you more than anyone else can…"

Syaoran's eyes widened. He couldn't believe it. Even after trying to be a complete asshole to her…she was still…she was still wishing him the best and loving him?

A sudden urge rushed through him. The feelings he had been holding back released. His control on his body and mind disappeared and suddenly, he forgot about the clan and what he had found out in the past month. All he knew and saw was that he loved her. And that he hurt her. And that he wanted to make all her tears disappear.

As Sakura turned on her heel, she suddenly felt a hand grab her arm and forcefully whip her around again. She then felt his warm lips cover hers as his hands cupped her face longingly. She was shocked, but the feeling of completeness overwhelmed her and she kissed back feverishly. She felt his passion as his hands roamed her back and his tongue entered her mouth hungrily. Her knees almost buckled. It has been so long since she felt him love her...she had been scared that all of her memories with him had been a dream.

"God Sakura…" he moaned as her fingers trailed his bare chest. It had all been too excruciating. He couldn't lie anymore and he definitely couldn't stand making her cry like this. And god…it felt so good to hold her, to kiss her again. To feel her under his protective arms made him feel secure. She belonged there. She needed to be there. After all, life without having Sakura with him was not a life at all. His rough thumb wiped away the tears on her soft cheeks, wanting desperately to make it up to her. "How could I ever love anyone else?"

She pulled away, confused. "So…you don't…?"

He shook his head as he continued to simply press his lips onto hers. Loving anyone else except this woman in front of him was simply impossible. "It's only you…it's always been only you…God I love you…"

Her heart leaped and she pushed herself into his warm body, only wanting to be even closer. A feeling of exhilaration and complete relief ran through her as she trailed kisses along his neck and torso, gripping onto his hair ardently. She savored the sound of his groans of pleasure that were erupting from his throat. She heard his breath inhale sharply as her lips gently nipped at the sensitive area at the crook of his neck. Oh, how she missed this...missed his love, missed _showing_ her love for him. This felt so right. This _was_ right.

Yes, she was confused. She was more confused than ever and she had so many questions that she wanted to ask. But right now…right now…all she wanted to do was be with him. Her Syaoran. The _real_ Syaoran.

Her small hands roamed his bare chest, memorizing the crevices of his defined muscles. Her lips began to join her fingers, focusing on the relaxed muscle of his neck. Suddenly, his muscles tense at her continued touches and she felt him pull away, immediately feeling cold. As she stared up at him desperately, the expression on his face was serious and guilty at the same time and she knew that he wanted to stop before things could go further. The thought of stopping her actions made her heart lurch violently and she inwardly pleaded in her mind that he wouldn't stop her.

"W-Wait, Sakura," he pleaded. He felt his body badly aching for her. It took all his strength to try to push her away, the knowledge of his family's curse being the prominent factor in wanting to stop. He couldn't lose his control. Not now. But her sensual eyes and tantalizing actions weren't helping even though they definitely created tingles that went up and down his spine.

She shook her head pleadingly as she gently kissed the base of his neck, making him shudder. She didn't want to talk. And she definitely didn't want to stop. Now that she had him back – the _real_ him – all she wanted to do was be with him.

He tried to be steadfast, trying to ignore the growing desire inside of him. "W-We can't–"

A groan of complete pleasure erupted from his throat as she silenced him with a kiss and dug her pelvis into his. She felt a lustful heat radiating from herself, especially when she felt his hard member through his sweatpants. She roughly pushed him against the nearby wall, kissing and nibbling on his neck all the while. Her mind was whirling, focusing on the only thing that made sense right then. She wanted Syaoran. She _needed_ him. After all this hurt and stress, knowing that he still loved her, _hearing_ those words from his very mouth, made her surer than ever that she wanted to experience this with him. Only him. And she didn't care that there was still unfinished business to deal with. Right now, everything felt perfect. They loved each other…that's all they needed. The only thing that would make it even more perfect was if…if she could express how she felt by finally being one with him.

Her heart was full of passion. Her inexperienced body reacted to how she felt, as if it already knew what to do and how to do it. She was ready. This was the time. After such an obstacle in their love, an obstacle that almost ruined them, she knew now more than ever that she wanted to do this.

However, on Syaoran's end, although he was all too willing, he still needed to restrain himself. His amber eyes had darkened, glazed over as love and lust threatened to blur his usual rigid reserve. The sensations of her sweet kisses and touches overpowered him and he gasped, leaning against the wall, trying to get a hold of his bearings. Things couldn't go any further…if they did then–

Suddenly she had once again dug her pelvis against him and his mind went dizzy. Then she wrapped her right leg around his body, trying to be even closer to him, trying to feel more of his heat for her. In the process, her slightly short skirt lifted, revealing supple, soft thighs. He suddenly found his hand roaming up it, feeling helplessly manipulated by his lust for her. The other hand was lying on her hip, being tempted to roam upwards under her blouse. It was as if his body was reacting naturally to her, knowing exactly what it wanted and going to great lengths to block out his thoughts of unease.

Things had never gone this far before in their innocent relationship. Syaoran had always found a way to stop things way before things got to this point. Although he had always imagined what it would be like to finally have her, the last thing he had ever wanted was to force her into something she wasn't ready for. But now…God…he needed her – _wanted_ her – so much. Denying himself of loving her for this long had its negative effects. He wanted her more than ever now, wanted to show her how much he loved her. He didn't know if he could stop…

Suddenly he felt her gently pushing him, edging him towards his room. Soon, still zealously kissing each other, Syaoran found his back against his bedroom door as Sakura fumbled around against his body, trying to open the door with a clumsy hand. Before he knew it, she had pushed him to sit on the edge of his bed as she straddled him.

His hands squeezed her thighs hungrily as his amber eyes looked uncertainly but pleadingly up at her. Sakura roamed her hands all along his bare back as she nibbled his ear, which caused him to both shudder and groan. She had never felt so…heated, so…passionate. So this is how it felt like to lose all control of your body. This was how it felt to want and need and love somebody so purely and desperately. This was how it felt to truly love someone with all your heart that you're willing to give yourself up to him. It felt undeniably…good.

But suddenly he pushed her off and she almost whined. She was still leaning above him, her hands stopped on the top of his sweatpants. His hands were on gently gripping her arms, signaling her to stop.

"Wait," he breathed, trying to take in air. She saw his desiring but wary eyes. She saw how much he struggled within himself to let her continue in the task she had previously been doing. She saw how he breathed, trying to control his body. "Y-You don't understand. We can't do this."

He looked up at her bruised, swollen lips and disheveled auburn hair and clothes. She was looking at him with imploring eyes, urging him to let her continue. He almost lost it. After all, he wanted the same thing. He wanted to finally reach that point of intimacy with her, that point where they finally could give each other everything of themselves. But there was still that voice in the back of his mind telling him to stop, telling him that they'd have to suffer dire consequences if they continue, telling him that this was the one thing he was forbidden to do.

"I do understand…" she finally said with a smile on those swollen, bruised lips. She pulled away momentarily and suddenly but timidly pulled off her shirt. Amber eyes widened. "I understand that I want to be with you." The skirt which had flirted endlessly with him, covering her agile thighs ever so carelessly fell to the floor. "I understand that I wholeheartedly love you…" The last pieces of underwear soon followed. The man in front of her had lost all ability to breathe.

Syaoran was on edge as he looked at her body. He felt heat rush through him and a complete and utter ache for her erupted. He tried to tear his eyes away from her fair skin, supple build, long, lean legs, and mature curves, but he found that he couldn't. This was Sakura underneath all the layers. She was soft, timid, and just about perfect in every way. The small smile on her face was beautiful as a red tint covered her cheeks. Of course, he wasn't really focusing on her face, although it was as angelic as ever. He gulped, his amber eyes shamefully roaming, as he fought the urge to suddenly grab and finally have her, have _all_ of her. The warning voice in the back of his mind was starting to fade away. Then she slowly resumed her place straddling him, giving a slow tantalizing kiss on the lips. His body tensed as she felt her body heat radiating from her. He forced his hands to stay at his sides, not trusting himself.

But the voice in his mind grew even fainter. It was almost like an annoying but easily ignorable buzz of a house fly now.

He dazedly looked up as she pulled away to get the full view of his face. She gave that heart melting, honest smile. A slight blush spread across her cheeks. Her eyes glistened and softened, revealing an emotion of pure and unreserved love. "Syaoran…I…" she said softly. "I'm ready to be with you…_really_ be with you."

_Shit, shit, shit!_ Syaoran felt his ache and anticipation for her grow even stronger. He felt her press against his stiff member once again and tried to get rid of the thought that only a measly pair of boxers and sweatpants stood in its way. He gripped onto the bed sheets, willing himself not to move. His eyes pleaded with her, a look of ambivalence filling them. "Sakura…don't…! I can't…"

Tantalizingly, she leaned close into him to whisper in his ear. In the process her breasts fully pressed against his muscular bare chest and he almost recoiled at the warmth of her body and at the pleasure it gave him. He felt her warm breath on his ear as she said, "Please, Syaoran...," pleading with a passion and need that he couldn't even describe.

The voice in the back of his head completely vanished with those two words. All he could see was Sakura, the love of his life, willing to give herself to him. And all he knew was that he was ready to do the same.

His restraint vanished. His heart and body took over.

He lost it.

Abruptly, he flipped her around so that she lay on her back on his bed. Not wasting a moment, he slipped off the restraining boxers and pants and threw them aside roughly as he took in the sight of her naked body lying vulnerably on his sheets. He stood there momentarily trying to understand how lucky he was to be with such an amazing, loving, drop dead gorgeous woman. His breath quickened as he saw her emerald eyes look sheepishly up at him. Oh, she had nothing to be embarrassed about. She was absolutely perfect. Syaoran gulped at her vulnerable expression and couldn't hold himself back any longer. His mind was in a whir as his body finally rested on top of hers, feeling her warmth, ravaging her mouth with his lips, and freely wandering his hands on her smooth skin.

Syaoran tried to calm himself down, noticing that his touches were rough. His hands gripped on her as they roamed, squeezing her backside possessively and coddling her breasts lustfully. His kisses were almost hostile, threatening to bruise every single part of her body. However, as much as he tried to constrain himself, his touches only became rougher, wanting more of her. His roughness almost made him shameful, however the loud groans of satisfaction from her lips only encouraged him.

Sakura, both surprised and pleasured by his sudden hunger, felt every hot part of her body which he touched only yearn for more and she ran her hands through his hair as he kissed and nibbled her neck. She felt him give a slight grunt of desire. Suddenly she let out a slight yelp of pleasure as he focused on her breasts, his mouth and tongue familiarizing themselves with one as his hand massaged the other. She closed her eyes and furrowed her eyebrows as she focused on the heightened pleasure.

Her body was screaming, yearning. It couldn't be satisfied until he entered her, taking her once and for all. The anticipation building up to that moment was excruciating and gratifying at the same time. His ravenous lust for her and his uncharacteristic lost sense of control made her bite her bottom lip, wanting so much to just thrust upwards so he could penetrate her from above. However, she felt his mouth wander further and further down, trailing along her flat stomach and kissing her navel to finally finding itself gently caressing her inner thigh.

She moaned at the sensation and instinctively squeezed her thighs together, momentarily refusing him to go any farther. But as Syaoran gently kissed her inner thighs and gently massaged her breasts with his hands, he was able to pry them open to expose her. There was a moment when all he would do was tease her by sensually kissing places oh so close to where she wanted them to be. She gasped and whined his named in anticipation, when suddenly and all at once, she felt his tongue tasting her, roaming her, slipping inside of her.

She yelped in pleasure and arched her back, feeling the sensations run up and down her body. Soon his hand was in on it too as she felt one, then two of his fingers slowly pump into her as he circled his tongue around and around her pleasure center. She writhed in desire in Syaoran's bed as she gripped onto his sheets, yelling out as he continued to play with her. She didn't think she could take anymore of this…

Syaoran reveled in finally invading her and felt his ache heighten as he realized how wet and tight she was. The moans egged him on as he licked her slowly and tantalizingly while his fingers went in and out of her. Then, as her groans increased, his tongue became more furious in its tasks, his fingers now rhythmically pumping in and out of her. Causing her to feel just as lustful and heated as he was felt extremely gratifying, too gratifying for words. And all he could think about was how in a few minutes, she would be accommodating something else – something that was getting more anxious by the second. Suddenly her desperate voice caught his ears.

"S-Syaoran…please…have me…"

Her pleading voice excited him, making him crave her and he abandoned his current task, intent on finally fully being one with her. As he resumed his place looking down on her goading expression, he kissed her urgently. His body was beyond ready now and it was tense as he thought of the moment that was to shortly come. "God…I love you…"

Suddenly he thrust into her in mid-kiss, sliding into her easily. He moaned loudly and abruptly pulled away from the kiss as her tightness enveloped his member, creating an indescribable pleasure. She on the other hand closed her eyes in pain at the sudden contact and arched her back.

After letting her momentarily get accustomed to him, he began to move at a slow rhythm inside and out of her, anxious for more, but Syaoran cursed under his breath at both the heightened pleasure and the apparent pain he was causing her. He moved slowly, wincing at the contorted expressions of pain on her face. Although the pleasure on his end was climbing and he longed to just penetrate her, uninhibited, he also felt her nails clawing into his back as she felt her virginity being torn. He bit his bottom lip, trying not to curse aloud as he moved even slower even though all he wanted to do was ravage her right now. As he saw tears of pain spring to her eyes, he reluctantly started to pull away. As much as he wanted her, the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her.

Suddenly her legs wrapped around his body, refusing him to leave. His amber eyes widened as he looked down at her pained but determined expression.

"B-But Sakura…"

She simply shook her head, her pleading eyes willing him to continue. Sakura wanted this.

Syaoran swallowed and obligingly continued, kissing her, trying to make the physical pain disappear. Finally, after thrusting into her one last painful time, she gave a painful moan and her face relaxed, slowly melting into an expression of pure ecstasy. Relieved at seeing this, he started pumping rhythmically once again, focusing on the heightening feeling of climaxing. She met his pace and as he got faster and faster, her breath became short.

His muscles were rippling dangerously as he moved, mesmerizing her as she focused on the heat in her pelvis. It was threatening to explode, threatening to finally envelope her with an indefinable pleasure. Their bodies, now covered with a thin sheen of sweat, moved in sync and she gripped onto him desperately, which only compelled him to move faster.

He saw her slightly opened mouth. He felt her hot breath on his neck. He took in those vulnerable yet desiring emerald eyes. Her face contorted as he thrust into her hard. Her nails dug into his skin, this time in ecstasy. His rough penetrations were literally taking her breath away as he pumped into her and more and more and with each thrust she felt her body grow closer to its peak.

"S-Syaoran! I'm going to–"

Suddenly her pleasure spot was hit once again and she climaxed, her body trembling and her voice screaming out his name in bliss. She panted, reveling in the pleasure, and closed her eyes trying to urge the feeling to stay. It had been the most amazing thing she had ever felt and yet, already only moments after experiencing it, it was threatening to leave her. She still wanted more, needed more. Her eyes lost focus as she tried to look up at him.

The sound and sight of her peaked him. Looking down at her dilated, satisfied emerald orbs and her lips screaming his name, he couldn't hold himself back any longer. And as he saw her eyes shut in obvious pleasure, he too reached his climax and let out a long groan. He emptied into her, feeling both their bodies trembling in their inexperience with this indescribable feeling. He pumped into her a few more times, not wanting the hot shock that his body felt to disappear. It was beyond all the sexual fantasies and dreams that his hormones had compelled him to have before. It was…addicting. He wanted so much more. He wanted to experience this again and again with her, wanted to do so many other things to her. Finally, he collapsed next to her, his body worn out with satiety.

She caught his lips in hers as he lay there panting, feeling satisfied. Continuing to leave kisses all over his face and neck, he pulled her close, wanting to feel her warmth. Both of their bodies were lightly covered with perspiration, but they didn't mind as they held onto each other tightly, only relishing the feeling of completeness.

"Syaoran," she whimpered tiredly a few seconds after laying next to each other in silence. "I love you so much…"

Her breath on his ear caused him to hold her even closer. He never wanted to let go. He never wanted to let this moment end. "I love you too, Sakura…"

Tiredly, they lay next to each other, watching each other's eyes slowly close as they drifted into a content, pleasant sleep, their bodies still feeling the electricity that was too satisfying for words.

It was an hour later when Syaoran suddenly awoke. Something in the back of his head had been nagging him for a long time as he slept. Dazedly, he opened his amber eyes only to find a serenely sleeping Sakura next to him. The sheets covered her bare body and she lightly clutched onto him with one of her hands as his own arm was slung lazily over her.

He stared at her for a moment and lightly kissed her lips as his hand went up and down her smooth body, not believing how beautiful she looked as the moonlight from in between his window blinds struck her calm face. He was still dizzy from the amount of love he felt for her and feeling her naked, warm body next to his still sent a shrill shock of anticipation through his body. The distant feeling of that immense pleasure he had felt was ringing in his mind and he held her close.

He was so lucky to be with her…to finally find happiness in someone like–

Shit.

He suddenly jumped back off the bed, distancing himself from her. He felt cold as he stood in the darkness of his room, scrambling to slip on his boxers and pants. Everything had suddenly rushed back to his mind. Everything suddenly started to make sense again. He started to pace back and forth, breathing heavily. He couldn't believe this. Damn it! How…How could he do this to her?

"Syaoran?" he heard a tired voice whisper. He whipped his head to see Sakura sitting up, holding his bed sheets against her body to cover herself. She had probably awoken because of his sudden movement away from her. A pink tint still lay across her cheeks. "Is…Is something wrong?"

She still felt sore from him and it was somewhat painful to sit up suddenly. But she sensed his troubled spirit and she was confused more than ever as she caught sight of his conflicted eyes.

He swallowed as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He turned his face from her as he felt his anger at himself grow. This had been the one thing he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't do. But after everything his sisters and mother had told him in Hong Kong, after knowing what kind of fate he resigned her to by doing this…he still did it.

And all he could think about was how they hadn't used protection…

"Syaoran?" she squeaked once more, now realizing that there was something that was acutely bothering him. "Are you okay–?"

He turned to her, his face livid. The moonlight from behind him darkened his already enraged expression. "Damn it, Sakura! I told you I don't love you!" he yelled, his voice piercing the atmosphere.

Suddenly, the feeling of euphoria she had been feeling dimmed. She remembered his hunger for her as they made love and was highly baffled at his words. "B-But–"

"This was a mistake," he continued, almost talking to himself. She felt the belief he held in his words and suddenly felt as if someone had slapped her. "That…That shouldn't have happened…"

"But Syaoran…"

He suddenly turned to her, his eyes flashing. "Get out."

She was frozen in her spot as she felt herself cower under his furious gaze. His voice was dark, slow and almost threatening. She had never heard or seen him like this and tears quickly filled her eyes.

His anger peaked as he saw her there, looking up at him vulnerably, trying to hold back confused, hot tears. He couldn't believe he would do this to her. He couldn't believe how he had easily felt weak with her. He was supposed to be protecting her. Instead he had indulged in his own emotions and wants and now…

…now…

"Get the fuck out of my apartment!"

The tears spilled as the voice reverberated through her ears. She hurriedly slipped on her clothes, turning away from him in shame. She didn't bother to look back at his glowering figure as she ran out of the room and out of the apartment. She didn't understand. His touch had been so loving. His kisses had been so passionate. She could've sworn that every touch, every breath, and every word he uttered had been filled with an unexplainable love that she herself had felt for him.

Then why…? Why did he insist that it was a mistake? Why was he so angry?

She didn't bother to wipe away the hot tears from her face. She wanted so much to hate him. She wanted so much to want to make him suffer for making her feel used and loved at the same time. But she couldn't bring herself to hate him or to want to make him suffer. Something about his actions didn't seem right. And she just loved him too much.

Watching her wordlessly slam his bedroom door behind her, Syaoran heaved a distressed sigh. He continued to mutter curses under his breath as he took a seat at the very edge of his disarrayed bed. He buried his face into his trembling hands, his amber eyes wide with disbelief.

If only he hadn't given in to his emotions. If only he had kept his cold mask for a little while longer. If only he hadn't faltered in that one moment in his restraint.

"What have I done?"

* * *

**Okay, so that's the length that my usual chapters are. I guess you can say that the true plot begins here. I hope you liked it! And thanks for all the reviews so far!**


	4. Mulling

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary**: For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 4:** Mulling

A Chinese teenager furiously shook her head in confusion, her long pigtails whipping around her in response. She was trembling with anger. How could they do this to him? They were his own family, his own clan!

She didn't get it.

"But, Auntie…" she pleaded, her voice not sounding like her own. After all, since when did the stubborn, almighty Li Meiling address someone – even if it was someone with authority in her clan such as Li Yelan – with such pleading? "H-How could you take him away from Tomoeda! Surely you want to consider his feelings! Don't you see how Tomoeda is his _home_? His rightful place?"

It was the umpteenth time that the young martial artist had unexpectedly met with Li Yelan, the mother of the Li Clan leader, in this way. She had yelled and begged and cried, trying every way to make her aunt see how wrong it was to take Syaoran away from Japan. Meiling had been unsuccessful, of course, which was not surprising considering that Syaoran took after his mother's stubbornness. Meiling was just lucky that she was related to Yelan, or else she was sure she would have been punished for such insolence.

Yelan sighed, gracefully brushing a long strand of black hair from her pale face. She saw Meiling's persistence and was not in the least bit annoyed by it, despite the many times Meiling had disrupted her during important affairs, such as now when she was late in meeting with the Elders. Yelan could see that her niece's persistence was honest, caring, and…the truth.

Yelan knew that it hurt Syaoran to tear him away from Tomoeda, from his new life, from his friends…from Sakura. She knew that the little suburb in Japan had become his true home and it hurt to know that she had a role in tearing her son away from it.

The regal woman almost faltered at the word. "_Her son_…" After years of raising him as her own, it still felt somewhat odd to call him that, especially since he now knew the truth.

Yelan looked sadly at Meiling's begging eyes and understood her agony. The condition that Syaoran had been in when he had unwillingly returned was…disturbing. Dark circles held their place under his young, usually vibrant amber eyes. His whole face had taken into an unhealthy pallid color and his expression had hardened into a cold, almost constant look of agony and shock. However, his physical appearance was the least thing that had bothered Yelan. It was his personality. And obviously it was bothering his quick-tempered but caring cousin just as much.

The two were silent for a minute as they stared at each other, a pair of crimson eyes full of confusion and a pair of ebony eyes full of anguish. Meiling tore her furious gaze away, focusing on a spot on the polished marble floor instead. Something was off. Something about this whole thing was wrong. She was being kept in the shadows about something important. She knew that Yelan would never want to hurt any of her children this way. Although the woman had somewhat tolerated the Elders' harsh physical training with Syaoran, she had always fought to keep him as emotionally humane as possible. As much as the Elders had wanted to turn him into a hardened, unemotional leader, Yelan had always been the one to stop them short.

Meiling had always seen an obvious friction between Yelan and the Elders. Yelan had always been there to hinder their more outrageous, extreme plans for Syaoran. Yet Yelan had always had an internal struggle as well, as if she was fighting between duty and love.

But this…taking Syaoran away from Sakura…was unacceptable.

"Auntie…" Meiling whispered quietly and slowly, her voice full of grief. Her palms had shaped into angry fists at her sides and she was shaking with such intensity that it made Yelan feel even more helpless. "Syaoran…he's…he's back to the way he was before he met her…even worse. Can't you see that this is hurting him? Can't you see that Sakura was the best thing that ever happened to him?"

Yes, Yelan knew that. She knew that more than anyone. She had noticed the way her son's eyes had sparkled as soon as anyone mentioned the Card Mistress's name. She had noticed the way he seemed to glow with pride and determination as he asked for his family's blessing to marry her.

And Yelan had denied him. She had denied him the only thing he has ever wanted in his selfless life.

"Meiling…" the woman said, heaving a sigh. "You don't understand…"

"Then make me understand!" Meiling yelled angrily, glaring at her aunt once again. Yelan inwardly winced, remembering how her son had basically said the same words a month ago. "Tell me why you're doing this to him! Tell me why–"

"Enough, Meiling!"

The two women looked towards the source of the angry growl. Unknowingly to them, Syaoran had entered his mother's study, hearing the raised voices. Meiling fell silent and simply stood there trembling as Yelan looked over her son sadly.

The dull but livid emotion of his eyes, the constant frown tugging at his lips, the steady cold glare…

...This was who she had reduced her son to be. Who she had forced him to be.

"Syaoran," Meiling said desperately, "Why don't you overrule her? Overrule the Elders? You're leader of the clan! You–"

"I said, enough!" A deep growl was present in his throat as his eyes dangerously flashed at her. "You don't understand the situation!"

But Meiling stubbornly and frantically tried to make him see. She didn't care what the situation was. All she knew was that she had to open his eyes. "Regardless of the situation, Syaoran, this isn't you! Look at you! Being torn away from Japan made you like this! Being forced to leave Sakura–"

His body started to tremble at the name. His teeth clenched and his whole face tightened in fury. "Meiling," he snapped through clenched teeth. "The Card Mistress has nothing to do with this!"

The Card Mistress? Since when had he started calling Sakura that! "Sakura has a name!" she retorted angrily. "And she has _everything_ to do with this! You love her, Syaoran! How could you let them tear you two apart! And she's probably just as much of a wreck as you are! How could you hurt her like this!"

There was a tense silence as he evidently tried to control his breathing. He was beyond livid now. Meiling had said the wrong words. She had said too much…

"Li Meiling," he said, his tone dark and threatening. "I don't want to see you in this house again."

His cousin looked at him incredulously. She was…banned? From her cousin's home? Basically _her_ home? The house that had taken her in when her parents had died? The place where she and Syaoran had spent endless days together as children? He was kicking her out? The thought of where she would stay was the last thing on her mind. The only thing she saw was Syaoran's eyes. They were full of hatred. Full of bitterness. Meiling stood there dumbly, trying to comprehend his words.

Yelan intervened. "Xiao Lang, this isn't–"

But he ignored his mother and stepped a threatening step towards his cousin, his friend. "Get out."

He had never _ever_ treated her this way. He had never looked at her with such a fury. He had never looked at her with such hate. She was in shock. "B-But…Syaoran…"

His eyes darkened even more. "You useless, magic-less excuse for a Li," he spat dangerously. "I said get out of my house!"

Ruby eyes widening, Meiling felt as if she'd been slapped. He would stoop so low…that he would be willing to hit her where she was most vulnerable? He knew how worthless she had always felt, being in such a prominent family full of talented magicians. She had always felt like the black sheep, the one nobody wanted. She had no ounce of magic in her, although her parents had at least some magic flowing through their veins when they had been alive. Meiling was certain that they had died of shame from the magic-less offspring they had produced.

Her sight blurred as tears sprung to her eyes. Then she took off running from her home, feeling just as useless as Syaoran announced her to be.

Yelan took a moment to glare at her son quickly before heading off to catch up with her niece. She had never expected Xiao Lang to be that cruel to the one childhood friend he had while he was growing up. She had never expected him to be so coldhearted. Was this the price the Li leader had to pay? Was he doomed for a lifetime of bitterness?

* * *

A pair of dark brown eyes glared angrily at the air as he stomped down the stairs, a tray of food in his hands. He gripped onto the tray so tightly that the bowl of soup and cup of water had started to shake, threatening to spill their contents all over the floor. But he didn't seem to notice at all. Reaching the kitchen, he smashed the tray down onto the counter, the cup of water finally falling over and wetting the tray in response. His tall body slumped as he stared hard into the cold, untouched soup.

Damn him. Damn that brat. He had been trusted. He had been trusted to protect something very important…Sakura's heart. That was all that Touya had demanded of him.

And that Li brat still couldn't do it.

Touya's eyes narrowed as he thought of his little sister upstairs. "Li Syaoran," he muttered under his breath through gritted teeth, "I'm going to–"

"Stop, Touya."

He whipped around at the familiar voice and looked angrily at the gentle, sad eyes of his father. His father had left from his business trip immediately as soon as Tomoyo had called about Sakura's condition. Touya, too, had cut his trip to England short when he had heard. Even Yukito was now planning to leave England soon, both he and his other self worried about Sakura.

"She's not eating, Otou-san!" he responded angrily. "She's not leaving her bed! She's not talking to us! She's not even talking to Tomoyo or Eriol!" He looked down at the floor in defeat. It wasn't that he was angry that his little sister was no longer talking to him or eating regularly. The unspoken fact was ringing in his mind. Sakura wasn't Sakura anymore.

No clumsy tripping over her own feet. No more waking up late screams. No more cheerful hums as she did chores. No more signature "hoeee"s.

It was as if Sakura had disappeared altogether. As if she had become a lifeless doll who simply stayed in bed for days. He had barely heard her say a word since he had come home. All he knew was that Li Syaoran was responsible for this. He had torn her apart to the ravaged pieces she was now.

When Touya got a hold of that Chinese brat, he was going to–

"Touya," Fujitaka warned as he saw his son grip onto the counter so hard that his veins throbbed in fury. "We don't…we don't know for sure what happened–"

"Otou-san!" Touya looked at his father in disbelief. "He _hurt_ her! What else do we need to know!"

Fujitaka looked down in agony and Touya noticed that deep circles had formed under his father's eyes. His father hadn't slept for days. He hadn't showed up at work for the past three weeks. He hadn't shaved or properly cleaned himself up anymore. He was a haggard shadow of the cheerful, gentle Kinomoto Fujitaka that had never faltered in working hard and appearing strong for his family. And yet, he was still sticking up for the brat. Sometimes his father's understanding ways irked Touya to the fullest.

"Sakura…Sakura is strong," Fujitaka said, trying to say it confidently in order to convince even himself. "We'll help her get through this whether or not Li Syaoran had a part in all of this."

But Touya was still growling in protest. "Otou-san…"

"Syaoran-kun had a huge part in her life, Touya," his father objected, sounding final. "He was a good man. And he cared about her. Anyone, even an overprotective brother, can see that." Touya looked away sharply as Fujitaka continued. "That's why…I can't bring myself to blame Syaoran-kun, as much as I would want to. Besides, you know as well as I do that no matter what he did, Sakura would never forgive us if we blame or hurt Syaoran-kun. Let's focus on getting Sakura better. It's the most important thing right now."

His son had opened his mouth to argue but was interrupted by the sudden ring of the doorbell. Fujitaka ran a hand through his honey-brown hair and pushed his glasses back up his nose again before leaving Touya to simmer alone in the kitchen as he went to answer the door.

He already had an idea to who it would be as he reached down to turn the handle, but he still smiled down kindly at the visitor as he opened the door. "Tomoyo-san, welcome." He looked behind her expectantly to find her usual companion, but he did not see the English boy. "Where's Hiiragazawa-kun?"

As she entered gratefully, she gave a small smile. "Eriol's taking some extra time to try to get in touch with Syaoran again…or even his sisters, Meiling, or his mother for that matter."

"Have you two been able to contact him?" the fatigued father asked hopefully.

She heaved a sigh after looking at him sadly. Fujitaka knew the answer. It was always the same answer. It was as if the Lis had vanished from existence.

Not wanting to continue to look at Sakura's father's downcast expression, Tomoyo held up a container. "I've brought some cake. I was planning on giving you and Touya-san some after I offer some to Sakura."

Fujitaka nodded fervently, silently hoping that Sakura would brighten a little after seeing Tomoyo's face.

Tomoyo swallowed. "Is she…?"

The man in front of her only shook his head at the unfinished question. The raven-haired teen felt her shoulders sag in despair at the news. Sakura was still not better. After three weeks. After everything everyone was trying to do for her.

All their efforts were amounting to nothing.

Excusing herself, Tomoyo trudged up the dark stairs as she's done every night now for the past three weeks. Usually she'd have Eriol at her side, which gave her at least some courage to face the distraught face of her best friend. But today, she was alone, armed with nothing but her own weakness.

Every time Tomoyo had tried to brace herself before seeing Sakura, she found her heart aching even more than before. Nothing could prepare her for what she would see, even though it would always be the same thing. Tonight was no different. As she took a deep breath and entered the dark room – Sakura had refused to turn on the lights anymore – Tomoyo spotted a rumpled form underneath the sheets on the pink bed. The usually vibrant young girl was listlessly laying on her side staring into the wall, as always.

The sight pained her and she wanted desperately to tear her amethyst gaze away. But this was her best friend. And no matter how much it pained her to see her this way, she wanted to help...even if just being by her side was all she could do.

Gingerly, Tomoyo pulled the chair from Sakura's desk closer to the bed as she opened the container of cake. Expectedly, a muffled sound from under Sakura's sheets was heard. Soon, a round head popped up and looked up at Tomoyo gratefully.

"Tomoyo! I'm so glad you're here," Kero said, smelling the cake. However, for some reason sweets hadn't given him the usual buzz as they had before. Suddenly nothing seemed too appealing to him. Not when his mistress was like this.

"Kero-chan," Tomoyo said gently, giving him a piece of the confetti cake. "How is she?"

Despite being handed the cake, Kero sighed and simply looked over the delectable treat sadly. "The same…"

Tomoyo face deepened in a worried frown as she looked over to her best friend. "Sakura? I'm here, Sakura."

"And she brought cake, Sakura! Isn't that great!" Kero said, feigning some of his usual enthusiasm.

Sakura only sighed and buried her honey-brown hair under the covers.

Kero looked at Tomoyo anxiously as she pulled back the covers from over Sakura's head. "You're going to suffocate yourself that way, Sakura," Tomoyo tried to joke.

Sakura roughly pulled at the covers again. "Good."

Her two friends looked dejectedly at each other. Tomoyo tried another approach. "You know, Eriol and I worked really hard on this cake. I'm sure you'd hurt his feelings if you didn't have some."

Sakura's figure under the covers didn't budge. It didn't even make a sound.

"Yeah," Kero said lightly. "You better hurry before I eat it all too!"

Silence.

Tomoyo sighed. "Sakura…"

"Just…Just leave me alone!" a muffled voice groaned from under the covers.

"But Sakura," Kero urged, "you have to eat something. Please?"

"No! Please, just leave me alone!"

A silence ensued, leaving an unwanted atmosphere of apprehension between the Card Mistress's best friend and her guardian. Kero was getting sick of this. Sick of Sakura's uncharacteristic cruelty towards her friends and family. Sick of the constant worry that he felt. Sick of the hatred that he felt towards a certain Li magician.

"Damn it, Sakura," he whispered. "What did that brat do to you?"

At the mention of Syaoran, she had evidently tensed under her bed sheets and had started gripping onto them. Tomoyo looked at Kero with a frown. He only crossed his arms in response. It had been a rhetorical question, one that he didn't expect her to answer, after all.

"He didn't do anything…" Her friend and guardian both looked up in surprise at her answer. Actually they were surprised that she had even answered at all. However, they remained silent as Sakura continued. "He was…I was…I don't know what had happened. I had thought that…but then..."

Tomoyo shook her head slowly at Sakura's scattered words, hoping that she would finally start talking about happened that night on Syaoran's birthday. Tomoyo had her own theories why Sakura had come home late that night, tear streaked and shaken. However, every mention of Syaoran seemed to make her clam up or explode, discouraging Sakura's loved ones from even mentioning him. But now maybe she was ready to talk. _Hopefully _she was ready to talk.

"Sakura...when Eriol and I visited Syaoran that one day," Tomoyo started slowly, wincing as she saw that Sakura flinched at the sound of his name, "something was different about him. He…He wasn't himself. It seemed that it pained him to be so hurtful. I could see in his eyes that he was lying when he tried to reject us."

"Or maybe he's just a jerk," Kero muttered under his breath.

Ignoring the guardian and hearing Sakura's silence, Tomoyo continued, narrowing her own eyes in trying to fully understand the strange, heart wrenching emotion that she had seen Syaoran hold in his eyes. "I felt like he was hiding something. That he felt like all of this was necessary. That – even if it killed him – things would be better this way," she said quietly. "After all, Syaoran would never want to hurt you. That much, I'm sure of."

Yes, this is what she had concluded. Something was bothering Li Syaoran. It was something that he didn't want to reveal, something that he was ashamed or possibly scared of. What else could explain his baffling actions? What in the world had caused him to think that hurting Sakura was for the best?

And those agonized amber eyes. They were so full of grief. As if every second that he knew he was hurting his friends and Sakura literally tore at his heart.

She had tried to explain this to Eriol. But he was beyond rational explanations. He wanted to tear Syaoran's head off and make him suffer for making Sakura like this. The same seemed to be applied to Kero and Touya as well.

Tomoyo couldn't blame Eriol. After all, in the beginning, she had felt the same way. But then those amber eyes haunted her almost every night. It was as if something was pulling at her, trying to make her see the truth. Of course, she was still angry that he would have the audacity to treat Sakura like this. But she also knew how kind hearted Syaoran was. And most importantly, she knew how much he loved Sakura.

"Tomoyo…" a weak voice said. Tomoyo looked up expectantly, hoping with all her heart that Sakura would finally show her face and want to start talking about things. "Do you think I can be alone?"

Tomoyo's hopes immediately fell. However, she gave a fake smile, trying to mask her disappointment. "Okay, Sakura. I'll leave the cake for you and Kero. When you're done, let your father know because I promised him some as well."

As she expected, Tomoyo didn't get a response. She left the container on Sakura's nearby desk giving Kero a short nod of goodbye. Soon, she was closing the bedroom door behind her, feeling the most hopeful she'd ever felt in the past month, which doesn't say much because she was still mostly hopeless. But, she and Sakura had been able to talk – well, _Tomoyo_ had been able to talk – without Sakura bursting into tears or exploding in a heap of anger. It wasn't much, but it was something.

Tomoyo sighed as she headed down the stairs, hoping that Eriol had been able to contact the elusive Lis.

* * *

Syaoran was still shaking by the time his mother and Meiling had left the room. His eyes were still alight with anger. But if only they had known just whom he was really angry at…

"_How could you hurt her like this!"_

Meiling's words had cut him deeply. He had exploded, not at her…but at himself. Her words had been right, after all. Her words had been his exact thoughts for the past month.

He hated himself. He hated what he had done. And he hated himself even more for running away, praying with all his heart that she wasn't preg–…wasn't fated to die. But the possibility of seeing her face again and addressing what had happened between them was frightening…she would hate him.

He left his mother's study in a hurry, hearing nothing but his fast paced footsteps along the hallway floors. He passed butlers and maids, including a very concerned Wei carrying a tray of Chinese tea intended for him, on his way to the only safe haven he had: his room. He rushed in and slammed the door behind him before Wei could disturb him with a tea break.

He noticed absentmindedly that it was dusk outside. The sun was streaking purple light across the sky. Leaving the room dim, he sat down on the edge of his king sized featherbed, staring at the oversized window that the purple light was entering through. It was the end of another day. Another day of running away like a coward. Another day of the life he had been destined to live.

Tutored by scholars, doted upon by maids and butlers, trained by only the best martial artists and sorcerers, served food of the finest cuisine. This was the life of the Li leader. But none of it mattered. Not without her.

And now that another meaningless day was ending, he was frightful again. After all, every night when sleep graciously offered to take him, he'd close his eyes for only a minute and picture it all over again. The way her swollen, luscious lips looked. The smoothness of her skin against his. The way her skin seemed to burn into his calloused hands. The way their bodies had melted perfectly into each other, as if they already knew they were meant to be. The sound of her pleasured groans. Then there was her face. Her emerald eyes shimmering with passion. Her mouth parted slightly as if anticipating his lips. Her expression of pure willingness and affection.

The image was followed by the remembrance of the surge of pleasure that had racked his body. The pleasure of finally being one with her. The pleasure of knowing that she had wanted him just as much he wanted – _needed –_ her. It was unexplainable. It had felt as if your body and soul had suddenly been satisfied beyond what they had even deserved.

But then came the unmistakable realization. The shame of having her even while knowing what would happen if he, a Li clan leader, would root himself in her. The future he had always pictured with her would disappear before his eyes. Because of his shameful, uncontrollable need for her – _love_ for her – he had resigned her to her death.

He remembered vividly what had happened after he had cruelly dismissed her from his apartment that night. It had been the last thing he wanted to do, of course. He had selfishly wanted her to stay with him. He had the flittering notion that he could tell her everything and maybe somehow she would understand. Maybe she would understand that he had loved her so much that he didn't care about the curse. Maybe she would understand that he just wanted to be with her.

But the shame sunk in suddenly and had sieved itself into every cell of his body. Even Sakura would have thought that he was some sick excuse of a man who simply wanted sex so much that he didn't consider the fact that she might actually die because of his advances on her. Even she would have thought that he was a sadistic, selfish jerk.

And then came the pain from the most important fact…

…If she were to get pregnant with a boy, she would die.

The thought jerked his body, keeping it on edge, as if it felt some urge to suddenly protect her. He let out a grunt of the irony of that thought. How could he even think that he could protect her when he had basically given her a death sentence in the first place?

He had ran after that night. He had to leave, thinking that maybe being as far as he possibly can from her will make the shame less evident. Of course, it had the opposite effect. Now, more than ever, he felt like the lowest possible scum of the earth. He had left her with no explanation or forewarning of what would happen to her. He had left her to possibly die…by herself.

The thought made him shiver.

The most sickening part of it all was that he…didn't regret his actions. He didn't regret caressing her body or kissing her skin or even invading her or taking her virginity. The action of making love to her had been the one thing in his entire life that he had never felt so sure about. The way their bodies had moved that night…had been right. He knew that.

It had been the best birthday gift he could have ever gotten.

And it sickened him that he thought that way. How disgusting and monstrous could he be? To hate the consequences of his actions…but to not regret what had led up to those consequences…

…he was sick.

He willed himself to have strength to tell her the truth. He couldn't resign her to her death without warning. However, he was still clinging on to the hope that maybe…maybe she hadn't gotten pregnant. That happened right? After all, women who have been _trying_ to get pregnant don't get pregnant for years. And besides, even if she was, there was still a fifty-fifty chance that it could be a girl. And girls wouldn't hurt her. After all, Syaoran had four older sisters.

His stomach churned as he realized what he was doing. He was banking on Sakura's safety on statistics and numbers. He was treating her possible pregnancy, whether it would be a boy or a girl, as if it was nothing.

He buried his head into his hands. He was a lot sicker than he thought.

Suddenly, a sudden urge to become unconscious for even a few minutes overcame him. He had to sleep. He hadn't slept for the past two days. His body had worried over this for too long.

Unknowingly, he lay down, noticing briefly that the purple skies had disappeared and had left a velvet black sky in its place. Night time was always a fear for him now. The possibility of falling asleep was frightening. Once he would close his eyes, hopeful for just one minute of peace, that night would replay in his mind again.

The pleasure. The realization. The shame. The disgust.

He swallowed deeply as he hesitantly closed his heavy eyes, waiting for the images to torture him.

* * *

Two pink lines. Two pink solid lines.

Again.

How many times has she seen these lines? How many times had she convinced herself that she was getting false positives?

Sakura swallowed, trying to dampen her dry throat. She was shaking, just as the other numerous times she had held the stick in her hand waiting anxiously for the result. And just like the other times, she had stared up to look at herself in the mirror above the sink after staring at the test for what seemed like hours.

The bloodshot, dull green eyes from not sleeping. The gangly brown hair trying desperately to cover her dark face. The expression of forlorn.

No wonder he left her. No wonder he didn't love her. No wonder he had looked at her with so much hate that night.

But it didn't match up. She didn't understand how he could hate her so much…when that night he had touched her and treated her like she was the most valuable treasure of the world. She still remembered pushing him on that night, feeling as if being intimate with him was the only thing she had ever wanted that badly. She remembered his fervent kisses and the way his hand ran along her curves, giving her chills. The way he had tasted her as if he wanted nothing else in the world. The deep whimpers of pleasure in his throat. The way he had even thought of stopping himself when the pain she felt as he continued to first enter her had starting to peak.

She had no doubt in her mind that he had loved her with all his heart that night and that hurting her was the last thing on his mind.

But then why?

She stared at the pink lines and then slowly brought her fingers to touch her flat belly. It was the first time that she had even considered the possibility that she was…pregnant. But after so many tests, there couldn't be another conclusion. Besides…this was all that was left of him now.

Eighteen, not married, and pregnant. Without the father.

She felt a sob start to creep its way up her throat but she stifled it, not wanting to alert the men in her house. She didn't even want to think what her father, brother, and guardian would all think of this. They – for the most part – hated Syaoran. If they knew that they had…that she was…

This wasn't fair to Syaoran. Not knowing that she was carrying his child wasn't fair. He had a right to know. Whether or not he had wanted to see her made no difference. She couldn't live on while keeping this secret from him. Besides…she still loved him, missed him. Every second without him made her ache. Her pain wasn't only because she was hurt at his cruel words that night, although that is part of the reason. But being away from him made her feel…empty. Furthermore, Tomoyo's recent words rang in her head. It would explain his sudden changes. It would explain that suspicious look of longing in his eye as he yelled at her.

But most of all, she just wanted to see him again. Despite everything. It had taken her a while to build up this courage to admit that. She had never wanted to be the girl who would feel so empty without a boyfriend. And she guessed that she still wasn't that girl, in a way. After all…she was only empty because she was without _Syaoran_, and Syaoran was not just any boy.

She was scared of his reaction, yes. His words that night had cut her deeper than he ever knew. The hate in his tone and the shame…

She shuddered, remembering his paling face from that night. But not even that could stop her determination now. Any other night before this would have made her buckle down under her emotions. But now…now…

After finally accepting the realization that she was…in her current condition, she knew she had to see him and tell him. Syaoran deserved that. And if he didn't want any part of her, of _them_, then fine. It would hurt her and tear at her soul but she would let him go if he really wanted that. She would just continue to live on with the baby inside of her…holding on to the last bit of remembrance she had of her one true love.


	5. Telling

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary: **For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 5:** Telling

A boy briskly brushed his bangs away as he felt it tickle his nose. Still half-asleep, his azure eyes were still closed, weighed down with so much fatigue that he simply could not open them even if he wanted to. His body was sore, as was his head. Every day he has been in this condition. This is what happens when you use all your magic strength to try to communicate with sorcerers who were just as powerful as him. It didn't help that they lived a good thousand miles away either. And it certainly didn't help when they weren't making things easy for him by hiding their auras.

Eriol groaned aloud, realizing that he was conscious enough to think clearly. He didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to feel the soreness from using his powers too much last night.

Although, he wouldn't have minded it if he had been able to actually contact the Lis of course.

His eyes still closed, he vaguely realized that he could feel the sun pouring through the open window and through his eyelids. The light was trying to penetrate the blackness which had allowed him to rest. It was probably around noontime. He always woke up around noon these days. Eriol sighed as he realized there was no delaying waking up anymore. He was fully aware of his surroundings and thoughts. He planned out his day ahead of him as he lazily lay in bed, hoping to catch just a few more minutes of sleep. He didn't know why he bothered to plan his days anymore. The day would be the same as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.

Wake up. Eat lunch. Pick up Tomoyo. Visit Sakura. Try to locate the Lis. Visit Sakura again.

He moved to complete the first task of the day, to get out of bed, when suddenly his body felt very heavy. Eriol even used his arms to try to pick himself up but they gave in under him. He closed his eyes once again wincing as he felt the full-blown effects of the strength he had used last night.

Another night like that…and he didn't know if he'd be able to even get out of bed anymore.

But he had to. This was for Sakura. Eriol needed to contact that sorry excuse of a descendant and demand that Syaoran apologize and confess what was going on. This whole affair was irking Eriol to the fullest. He was used to knowing the future. Being the reincarnation of Clow Reed had its benefits in that sense after all. But most of all, seeing a strong relationship such as Syaoran and Sakura's suddenly crumbling without warning…was painful. It was confusing because even Clow didn't see this coming. Yes, Clow was not always correct, but Syaoran and Sakura…were meant to be. Eriol could see that even without his memories of Clow's visions of the future.

However, the real reason why it was so painful was because they were two of Eriol's best friends. He cared about them. And to see that their broken relationship tore not only them apart but the rest of their friends and families as well…it hurt.

Eriol took a deep breath and tried to pick himself up once again. He didn't even notice that someone had entered the room during his struggle.

"Eriol!"

He recognized that soft, feminine voice. It was an angel's voice. _His _angel.

He looked up from his bed helplessly with a sheepish smile. "Tomoyo, why are you here?"

She rushed over to him in a hurry, concern written all over her face, as she ignored his question and helped him sit up and lean against the bed's headboard. That sheepish grin was still on his face. Tomoyo sighed as she sat on the bed and placed a soft, pale hand on his cheek. "Are you okay?"

His smile somewhat faltered, but he felt calmed at the touch of her warm skin. "I'm fine, angel. Don't concern yourself over me." She gave him an exasperated look as if what he requested was impossible and he chuckled. "Let me see you a bit better."

He tiredly reached for his silver-rimmed glasses on his bedside table, but Tomoyo had reached them first and she gently placed them on his nose. Suddenly his vision cleared and he noticed the brightness of the room. He momentarily glanced at the clock and saw that it was already two-thirty. It was later than he had expected. He looked over to the girl in front of him and took in her worried frown. She wore a white sundress today and had her dark hair pulled away from her angelic face in a high ponytail. He tried to give her an encouraging smile. He didn't want her to frown. A smile looked best on Daidouji Tomoyo.

But she sighed, seeing right through his mask as always. "You're always tired now, Eriol."

He placed a reassuring hand on hers. "It's fine." She gave him a long forlorn look and he shook his head. "I don't mind. It's for Sakura."

There was a look of understanding in her eyes. They were all trying their best for Sakura. Tomoyo understood that he felt the need to do so as well. "Sakura and I – well, mostly I – talked last night," Tomoyo said, remembering their conversation suddenly.

Eriol's eyebrow rose at the new developments. "And?"

"I told her…what I thought about Syaoran. Then she just told me to leave."

He let out a sigh. "I see." Tomoyo had this notion that Syaoran was not at fault for all of this, that there was something bigger behind his actions. She and Eriol had talked about this before and Eriol couldn't agree with her. Yes there did seem to be some underlying reason to Syaoran's actions, but it was his fault for not coming right out and saying it. He needed to be a man and to face his problems rather than to push his friends away because of them. Besides, Syaoran…had hurt Tomoyo with harsh words that night before his birthday. Eriol would never forget that. But Eriol pursed his lips, not wanting to argue with her theory right now.

"Were you able to contact them?" she asked.

His silence was all the answer she needed. She sighed heavily and bit her bottom lip, looking expectantly at her boyfriend's face as she suggested the following idea. "I think it's time…to pay the Lis a visit, Eriol."

As she predicted, a low grunt erupted from his throat. He didn't like the idea of running after Syaoran so soon. "I'd rather get out all my anger through indirect contact first," he mumbled. "Besides, I hardly think that they want us to pay them a visit. After all, they're going through all this trouble to hide themselves from us." He sighed, pushing his glasses up as they reached the edge of his nose. "Even Meiling won't answer her cell phone."

"We have to try. We have to break through to them."

"I don't like chasing Syaoran." He scowled. "If he dislikes us so much that he has to leave then fine. Let him be."

"You don't mean that, Eriol," Tomoyo whispered as she looked pleadingly into his eyes. Eriol looked at her for a moment and his gaze fell to the bed sheet covering him. Of course she was right. He was letting his anger control him. "Besides," she continued softly, "I think Sakura wants to see him too, as hurt as she is."

Suddenly, his body tensed in realization. Sakura…

Tomoyo noticed the change immediately and her amethyst orbs were once again filled with worry. "Eriol?"

But he was focused, trying to use what little energy he had left to search for that familiar pink aura. In his mind, he traveled over to the Kinomoto residence and found…nothing. No Sakura Cards. No Sakura. Nothing except the remains of the Sleep Card used on an unconscious Kero.

He uncharacteristically growled aloud as he suddenly tried to lift his body up. How could he have let her slip away? He was supposed to be looking after her!

"It's Sakura," he told Tomoyo hurriedly. "I don't feel her aura. But I don't even think she's here. Not in Tomoeda. I don't even think she's in Japan."

"She's gone to see him…" the girl thought aloud in realization. She thought back to the night when she and Eriol had visited Syaoran and frowned. Sakura wouldn't be able to handle seeing him again if he was still the way he had been when they had all last seen him. "We should follow her."

Eriol nodded, as he finally picked his body up from the bed with some effort and a helping hand from Tomoyo. He was thinking of how to get to Hong Kong the fastest. Of course, he couldn't use his magic now to bring the both of them there in his condition, so he settled for the second fastest way – through plane. They would certainly arrive there after Sakura but hopefully she hadn't left too long ago so they could catch up with her. He was worried about her. He didn't want Syaoran to hurt her again. "She should've at least told us!" he exclaimed. "We would've gone with her if we couldn't have stopped her!"

The girl next to him sighed. "Always trying to do things by herself…Oh Sakura…"

* * *

A pair of crimson eyes glared back at her as Meiling looked herself over in the mirror. She was still brooding over what had happened the day before, when that jerk had basically kicked her out of the house. She gritted her teeth as she remembered his painful words yesterday.

"_You useless, magic-less excuse for a Li."_

The words had cut her, opening a scar that she had since she was a child. The shame of being magic-less…it would never leave her. And Syaoran was fully aware of that. She could still picture two five-year-olds, a girl with long black hair and a boy with ruffled chocolate-colored hair sitting together on the premises of the Li residence complex. The girl had been crying, her ruby eyes ringed with dark, swollen circles. The boy had tentatively wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"_Meiling, no one could ever make you feel less than what you are. The only one who could do that is yourself. And the ones who try…well I'll deal with them."_

Her bodyguard. Her best friend. Her cousin. Her Syaoran.

Syaoran wasn't the man who had spat those words at her yesterday. That couldn't be him. He would never stoop so low and would never even think of hurting Meiling. He was too much of a caring guy for that, no matter what he's going through right now.

But although this stranger's words had hurt, today they had given her new determination. It was as if the pain had dulled into an intense anger to find out the truth.

She would find out what the hell was going on. No more secrets. No more lies.

Meiling planned to do that by paying the Li sisters a little visit. They had always held a little soft spot for her and they were not as stubborn as their little brother or mother. They resided at the Li complex, but they no longer lived in the main house where Syaoran and his mother resided – the place where _she_ had resided up until yesterday. The Li sisters had taken up new homes surrounding it, leaving the nest as they grew older in age. Syaoran had banned Meiling only from that _particular_ house they had been in. He hadn't said anything about being in any _other_ houses on Li grounds.

Too bad she hadn't thought of that when she had flew out of the house that day and found herself here in this hotel. She sighed, as she looked around the generic bathroom before leaving it and entering the similarly generic hotel room. Maybe she'd ask Feimei, the youngest Li sister who didn't live with a spouse yet, if she could crash there for a while.

Off to accomplish her mission, she suddenly felt her cell phone playing its familiar ringtone. She sighed as she dug into her off the shoulder purse, thinking that it was probably that annoying Clow Reed sorcerer once again. He had been calling everyday now for the past few weeks, no doubt wondering about Syaoran's sudden disappearance from Tomoeda. She didn't want to answer. She wouldn't know what to tell Eriol…and she didn't want to reveal how Syaoran was now…how broken he seemed. She especially didn't want to hear about how Sakura was faring. If Syaoran had been reduced to a cold-hearted jerk…Meiling was scared to know what Sakura had been reduced to. Meiling would call as soon as she got information about things. But for now, she just didn't want to feel helpless under Eriol and Tomoyo's questions.

Meiling sighed as she finally found the vibrating phone. "Oh Eriol," she muttered. "Give it a break."

But when she looked at the number calling her, she saw that it wasn't an international call at all. It was a local one. From Hong Kong.

Was it Syaoran wanting to apologize? Why would he be calling from an unknown number though?

"Hello?" she said hopefully in Chinese as she clicked a button and held the phone up to her ear. A few seconds passed and all she heard was some distant cars whizzing by in the background. Meiling was aggravated. A prank phone call? Now? "Look," she said in Chinese with an irritated tone, "whoever this is better 'fess up because I have no patience for–"

"M-Meiling-chan?" a female voice said.

Immediately, the Li pressed the phone closer to her ear. A Japanese accent. Switching to Japanese, she asked curiously, "Who's this?"

She heard a pause before the girl finally answered. "Meiling-chan…it's me. Sakura."

Speak of the devil! Meiling's jaw dropped in shock, realizing the familiarity of the voice. It had the same ring to it…but it was obvious that it had darkened with some kind of sadness. Meiling swallowed. She could guess why Sakura was feeling so sad.

"S-Sakura!" she exclaimed in surprise. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't know who you were! You're in Hong Kong? Where? Why are you here?"

But she knew the answer before Sakura could confirm it. And suddenly Meiling's hopes rose.

"…I'm sorry to bother you. I…I wanted to see…Syaoran. But he's not answering his phone so I…kind of need a ride."

Meiling immediately abandoned her former plan of talking to the Li sisters. Now that Sakura was here everything would be alright. She would talk some sense into Syaoran. She always did. Sakura was the answer to their prayers. Things would work out. Things _had_ to work out now. Sakura would change Syaoran the way he's meant to be. Caring, sensitive, stubborn…back to the _real_ Syaoran.

"Tell me where you are," the Chinese teen said confidently. "I'll be right there, Sakura."

* * *

Syaoran's teeth clenched in a snarl as he struggled to pick up his aching body from the hard ground. Still clutching onto the hilt of his sword, he picked it up, using it as an object to lean against as he pulled himself up. His breathing was ragged and sweat dripped from his face and bare torso. He ignored the bruises and small cuts that he had accumulated from fighting the figure in front of him.

Also bare chested and armed with both a long sharp sword and a disapproving, serious glare, the man in front of him surely did not seem to be as old as he really was. His muscles were still well defined. His mind was still alert. His brown eyes were not yet glazed over with age. The only things that indicated his age was the long graying brown hair he had tied into a low ponytail and the wisdom in his face. The numerous scars on his body also showed that he was well beyond experienced when it came to combat. Unlike Syaoran, he was untouched and breathing normally as if he hadn't even moved.

"Get up, Xiao Lang," a deep voice rumbled from the man's throat. "We're not through yet."

Amber eyes narrowed, Syaoran ignored the pain as he stood up fully and held his sword expertly in one of his signature stances. Sword raised in his right hand, parallel to the ground. His left hand solidly held out right in front of him, his index and middle fingers raised, ready to cast a spell if need be. His legs were apart, his footing stable but ready to pounce, as he stepped his right foot slightly forward.

"Your offensive stance?" the man said in a disappointed tone in front of him. "You're surely overconfident."

The only show of Syaoran's irritation with these words was a twitch in his right eye. He wasn't going to let his words get to him. He was going to get this over and done with.

His opponent simply slipped into the same exact stance, no expression written in his face. They began to circle one another, mirroring each other's movements and watching each other carefully. Sweat dripped from Syaoran's brow as he carefully analyzed the man's stance, looking for any indication of when he was going to charge at him. Syaoran saw none. He realized that his adversary was waiting for him to charge instead.

Damn him. He was always so sure of himself.

Matching his opponent's still but alert gaze, Syaoran tensed his body, readying it to attack. His muscles were aching but he ignored it, intent in only beating the man in front of him.

Li Dai. The youngest of the three Elders. Seventy-three years old and still the best swordsman in the whole clan, possibly in all of Hong Kong

Although the youngest, it could be said that Li Dai was the least lenient out of the three Elders. Deeply rooted in tradition and strict teachings, he had always been hard on all the Lis, especially Syaoran. Being his swordsman master and trainer, Li Dai expected nothing but the best from him, demanded nothing but perfection. This was his stoic relationship with the young Li leader.

Syaoran's eyes suddenly glazed in distraction, remembering something from his distant past. It should've been his father to train him like this. Traditionally, the Li leader trained his son in everything, from magic to swordsmanship to martial arts until his heir had learned everything he had needed. But Li Chen had died too suddenly, when Syaoran was only three. Died too brokenhearted to care about Syaoran's future training.

Maybe if he hadn't died, Syaoran wouldn't have had to endure so much training from the Elders. They had taken over his main training when Syaoran's father had died. They had taught him how to use his magic, pick up his sword, and fight…starting at the tender age of six years old. And after twelve years, Syaoran still didn't have enough strength to defeat them, especially now when he hadn't been training in Japan. They always went hard on him, wanting him to become the strongest leader despite his crutch of having no father to look up to. And despite how hard Syaoran tried, he never seemed to please any of them…especially Li Dai.

"Pay attention!" the Elder demanded, noticing the way Syaoran's stance was slipping slightly.

Syaoran immediately tensed his body again at his trainer's command. His eyes narrowed. He hated Li Dai the most. He was the most bitter towards him, the most disapproving. His words held the most resentment towards Syaoran. He was clear in his opinions that Syaoran would not be strong enough to be an effective leader.

"Don't let your emotions get in your way, Xiao Lang!" he continued, dislike dripping from his tone. "Do you want to end up like your father?"

Syaoran's teeth clenched in anger and his grip on his sword tightened. Li Dai had said this to him in the past of course. But he hadn't said it since Syaoran had…found out more about the Li secret. Knowing the true meaning behind the bitter question made his blood boil now. Knowing that his father _had_ let his emotions get in the way of his duty made Syaoran tremble with anger…especially since he knew that he had done the same thing his father had done.

Falling in love was out of the question for the Li leader.

Suddenly, Li Dai's hard expression changed slightly to irritation and before Syaoran knew it, he had lunged at him with lightning speed. Clumsily and cursing at himself for losing focus, he quickly dodged as Li Dai's sword horizontally cut through the air, nearly nicking Syaoran's chest. Syaoran was quick to respond. He was on his right foot, rebounding and turning on it quickly in order to counterattack when suddenly…

…Sakura.

His eyes widened at the feel of her aura. It was slight. It was weak enough that Li Dai hadn't even sensed it. But Syaoran would notice that feeling anywhere, especially after being with her for so long. The distant warmth it gave him was achingly familiar.

She was close?

Syaoran suddenly howled in pain as he felt Dai's sword cut through his skin. He jumped back from him a good few feet, clutching onto his gushing arm. The slash was fairly deep and was burning. Syaoran growled at his adversary and at his own stupidity.

Dai let out a dejected sigh, as if he hadn't expected anything better. He nonchalantly wiped his sword with the fabric of his pants before turning his back on his student. He silently stood there for a moment when Syaoran suddenly heard his voice, trying to ignore the blaring pain in his arm. "Even your good-for-nothing father had more focus than you do." He turned his head slightly in order to glare at the teenager with his narrowed dusty, amber eyes. Then he stalked away, grabbing his traditional black robes before leaving the training grounds.

Syaoran felt his blood boil again at the words. One day he was going to defeat that bitter old man…and make him take back all the insults he had thrown towards the late Li clan leader. His father had been a good man, a good fighter, a good sorcerer. Syaoran couldn't let Li Dai offend his father's name.

* * *

He was panting in pain as he finally reached his bedroom. He had been lucky enough to slip past the maids and butlers that would surely inform Wei of his new wound. Of course, Syaoran had grabbed a spare bandage and had wrapped it around his arm haphazardly, but Wei would want to properly treat him. Syaoran couldn't let him. He just didn't have time. He had to leave the premises before Sakura could reach him. That flicker of her aura had disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared in the first place, but he was sure that she was headed here. Why else would she have come to Hong Kong?

Syaoran couldn't stay here. Seeing her again…hearing her voice again…it would all hurt. And he was deathly afraid of the reason _why_ she had come. Had she…come with news?

He knew he was acting like a coward. But…anticipating what she would say…he couldn't be able to handle it.

Closing the door behind him as he entered his room, he was aware of someone who was sitting on his nearby bed in front of him. He suddenly stopped breathing. He knew who it would be before he even saw her.

Sakura looked up, startled as she saw him enter. He was wearing nothing but long, baggy sweatpants. His bare upper body was glistening with sweat and she noticed the cuts and bruises he had. She especially noticed the gaping wound on his arm which had been wrapped hideously with a bandage.

Despite herself, she had a flashback of that night when her eyes roamed his body…his strong muscular arms, his solid chest. She remembered how it had felt when she had been roaming her hands along his defined muscles and how they had rippled as he and she had moved together. He seemed to have realized her thoughts because he immediately threw a plain white shirt, ignoring the fact that the blood was seeping through both the bandage and the sleeve.

She stood from the edge of his comfy bed, knowing that she should stay something. "S-Syaoran…" Her voice was caught in her throat. Suddenly all the words she had been planning on saying during the plane ride had been lost. She inwardly scolded herself. She had promised that she would get through this. She had promised that she wouldn't feel afraid.

Syaoran hid his eyes before she could fully look into them and he glanced at her from his periphery. She wore jean shorts and a billowy blouse that he had bought her for her birthday two years ago. Seeing her, he wanted to go hug her and he wanted to run at the same time. His heart was pounding and the throbbing of his wound had decreased. After all, there was a new wound now. Reopened and rehashed. A wound that had never really disappeared.

Guilt flooded over him as he glanced at her. His actions on the night of his birthday replayed in his mind. The sickness he felt towards himself heightened.

"How…how did you get here?" he forced himself to say, wanting something, _anything_, to get rid of the silent shame that was oozing out of his body.

"Meiling…brought me," Sakura said quietly, hoping that Meiling wouldn't get in trouble. "She said…that I should hide my aura so that the Elders or Yelan-san wouldn't find me…sorry."

She put her head down, looking at the floor. Despite everything…her heart was still leaping in joy as she stood here awkwardly in his room with him. Her feelings toward him hadn't changed at all. Seeing him and hearing his voice had been the only thing in the past month that had calmed her heart. And suddenly, she forgot her purpose here.

She saw him visibly flinch and clutch onto his wound, blood now dripping to his floor. She looked up at him worriedly. "You should clean that, Syaoran…" she said softly as she took a step toward him. "I-I'll help you…"

Damn. She was still as caring as ever. "I-I'm fine," he snapped, wincing at the pain. He was angry…angry that she still had the capacity to feel sorry for him, to want to help him. He had silently hoped that she would have wanted to forget him by now.

Sakura stopped in her tracks as she heard his cold tone of voice and looked away quickly.

"Look, you shouldn't be here, Sakura," Syaoran said, looking away. "I-I meant what I said back in Japan."

Sakura pursed her lips in protest. "Syaoran," she said with exasperation, "you said so many things! F-First you tell me that…you don't love me, that you've found someone else. B-But then…" Her eyes softened at the memory of his kisses. "…then you say that there could be no one else. And then we…we…"

He growled at the memory she was bringing up. The guilt and pain came back full force as he heard her mention what they did that night. "That meant nothing," he snapped, lying through his clenched teeth.

"Well it meant something to me!" she insisted, her eyes glazing with tears. A sob crept up her throat and Syaoran winced at the sound. "And now…now…" She tried to get the words out of her throat but to no avail.

"_Now_ doesn't matter," he interjected. Suddenly he strode the door and glared at her, his hand on the doorknob. "_Now_ I think we should just forget about everything and _now_ you should lea–"

"I'm pregnant, Syaoran!"

The words had been spoken so softly he almost didn't hear it. In fact, he _wished_ he hadn't heard it. His widened eyes look over her as the sinking feeling of dread overtook his body. So…it's verified. His worst fears had been confirmed. The one thing he had wanted to avoid had happened. He started shaking his head as realization dawned on him.

And it was all because of him…

Tears were flowing down her face now. She looked up at his shocked face and saw what she thought was regret. Sakura's body started shaking. What had she expected? That he would suddenly open his arms and let her run into them? Did she expect that everything would be okay now? Did she expect him to suddenly turn back to the Syaoran she had always loved and tell her that he'd be there for her?

In a way…she had hoped for all those things. But seeing his face, pale and stiff with shock, only confirmed that nothing had changed. She was on her own.

"I-I just thought you should know," Sakura sputtered as she tried to push past him.

But suddenly, strong arms had grabbed her shoulders and Syaoran, his face contorted with anguish, looked into her emerald eyes which were glistening with tears. "No…no, Sakura…" he pleaded, still shaking his head in horror. "Please…please tell me you're lying!"

Mistaking his horror for even more regret, her sobs only intensified. "I'm sorry…" she managed to say. Sakura looked over his stricken face. And despite the extreme pain that had flooded her body, she wanted to give him peace of mind. She wanted to console him. She gave a weak smile. "You…you don't have to worry. I'll be fine by myself. You don't have to–"

He realized that she was trying to let him know that he didn't have to be a part of her life now. He realized that she was letting him go. His frustration grew at her misunderstanding and he shook her roughly. "Dammit Sakura! This is not about that!" he yelled, his eyes desperate. "You can't…you can't be…!" He trailed off, too scared to say the word, too scared to fully admit what was happening.

Suddenly, the door had burst open, catching both of them off guard. Syaoran felt numb as he realized who had entered the room.

"What in heaven's name is going on here!"

Sakura looked up with a squeal of fright. A familiar regal woman wearing traditional Li attire had stepped in. Behind her, people were trying to peek into the room, trying to figure out what the fuss was about, but the woman quickly slammed the door behind her with anger. Sakura's emerald eyes fell in shame as her body shook under Li Yelan's hostile gaze. It was clear that Syaoran's mom was wondering why in the world the Card Mistress had snuck into her son's room and why Sakura and Syaoran looked like they were both in hysterics. Both Sakura's heart and breath had quickened in all the commotion and she was trying to conceal her deep sobs. Her mind was whirling with so much that she couldn't see or think straight anymore.

"S-Sakura? Sakura!" a close voice said. It had immense grief hidden behind its tone and it made Sakura simply felt even weaker. She could tell by his voice that the news she had brought him had ruined his life. She was falling into the darkness now, the images of his concerned and agonized amber eyes melting into an unknown swirl before disappearing completely.

The last thing she remembered before everything went black was falling into a familiar set of arms.


	6. Waking

**Restraint**

**By:** pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary:** For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 6:** Waking

Meiling heaved a worried sigh as she looked down at the sleeping form of an auburn haired girl. It has been hours since Sakura had fainted. As soon as Meiling had found out, she had rushed to Sakura's side, blaming only herself that her good friend was in this condition.

The Card Mistress was lying in one of the many guest rooms in the Li estate. Her clothes had been changed by Meiling into comfy, traditional Chinese robes and her head supported by the softest of pillows. The Chinese teenager had made it her business to make sure Kinomoto Sakura was absolutely taken care of.

After all, the one who was supposed to be doing all this was no where in sight.

Meiling sighed once again as she sat down on a nearby chair, determined to stay by Sakura's side until she awoke. She had to find out more than ever what exactly was going on, why things were the way they were. Meiling had been sure that the upbeat, emerald-eyed girl would be the one to fix things, the one who would pull Syaoran back to his regular self. Apparently something had happened that Meiling hadn't been aware of. And she had let the poor girl waltz into the lion's den to face it by herself. The raven haired girl balled her palms into fists, inwardly scolding herself. She should've talked to Sakura. She should've found out the real reason why Sakura had been so depressed and down. Obviously, the fact that Syaoran had left her was just one part of the story.

Dusk was falling and casting its last few rays of sunlight into the room. The sky began to dim as Meiling sat there in worry, lost in her thoughts. Sakura was still not awake. If she didn't wake up soon, the ruby-eyed girl was surely going to blame herself for the rest of her life for being a part in Sakura's fainting spell.

The door opened, letting light temporarily shine into the darkened room, before a woman walked in. Yelan looked at Sakura's still figure before addressing her sulking niece.

"Meiling, it's getting late. Why don't you have supper for now?"

The girl only shook her head defiantly, letting her long pigtails whip around her. "It's my fault that Sakura is like this." She looked sadly down at her lap. "I had thought I could help things along if she could just talk to Syaoran without being stopped by you or the Elders. I feel horrible…I want to stay, Auntie."

Yelan nodded and looked over to the unconscious figure once again. She let her eyes wander over to the Card Mistress's face and was surprised how sunken and agonized it looked, even when she was in such a deep sleep. Yelan had been frightened at what the young girl's reaction might be when Syaoran would leave Tomoeda for good. But she had never anticipated Sakura to look so…defeated. After all, the word "defeat" surely was not in the young girl's vocabulary.

"'Surely everything will be alright,'" Yelan whispered aloud, remembering the Card Mistress's infamous phrase of encouragement. The woman's eyes darkened, looking over Sakura's limp body.

It seems that Meiling was thinking along the same lines as her aunt. "What if it won't be alright, Auntie?" she said softly, her eyebrows furrowing in worry. "What if whatever is happening – whatever you and the rest of the family are keeping from me – will never allow things to be alright?"

Yelan kept her head down in shame. Meiling had been part of her family for a long time now. Although she was her niece, Yelan had become comfortable with the thought of having her as a daughter. In fact, it was planned a long time ago that Meiling would become her daughter…

…by marrying Syaoran and bearing him the heir.

Yelan was still shaken with guilt and disgrace as she thought back to those many years ago. It hadn't been long after Chen had died when the magic-less Meiling suddenly declared herself to be Syaoran's bride to everyone in the clan. Of course, Meiling hadn't known about the curse. She didn't know what she had been declaring herself to. And she still didn't know the specifics why the Elders had readily agreed, even encouraged, her little announcement that she longed to be Syaoran's fiancé.

They were going to use her to bear the heir. Meiling, at the age of only five, had been a simple and convenient pawn to simply keep the clan going.

And Yelan had gone along with it, knowing full well what she had been resigning Meiling, her precious niece, to. Back then, Yelan had felt betrayed when Chen had died. Although she had loved and cared for him with all her heart, she would always be the replacement to him. She was the replacement for the one person he had loved. She would never live up to Chen's true love no matter what she did. Therefore, for the longest time, as Yelan watched Chen and his love, Li Zhu, live their lives together, she started to despise Zhu. Not only did she take up all of Chen's love, but she was able to bear him many wonderful children, children that Yelan now falsely called her own. And as much as she might love them as if they were biologically hers, they weren't her children. And they never really would be.

But after Zhu had died and Yelan had taken her place, she saw the emptiness in Chen's eyes, the lifelessness in his demeanor. And when he suddenly died, Yelan had started wishing with all her heart that she had been his first wife. Not because she wanted to be with him and bear him the heir, the most coveted and honored accomplishment in the Li clan. Not because she wanted him to love her more than he loved Zhu, although she would've liked that. Not because she had been insanely jealous of Zhu's happiness with Chen and wanted to outdo her in at least becoming his wife first. But because when she would die, Chen would've lived with Zhu happily, with that familiar glimmer of life in his eyes. And if Yelan's life would've ensured his happiness and his life, she would've gladly given it up.

Yelan had seen much of herself in Meiling when she had pronounced her love for Syaoran. It had been clear that the young child had feelings for him, that she would want to do anything to make him happy. Yelan started to think that Meiling would save Syaoran from his father's fate, that she could become his wife and bear his children and simply let him live on after she had died, loving the woman he was meant to love.

Of course, it was all past now that Meiling had called off the engagement. It hadn't bothered the Elders much. They could easily find another woman who would be willing to become betrothed to Syaoran and bear the heir. Meiling had just been so convenient especially since…she was useless in their eyes. A Li without magic. She was as good as a dog to them. Yelan tried to compose herself as she thought back to the past, feeling ashamed she had ever wanted such a thing for Meiling. Yelan would never forgive herself for as long as she lived.

The teen simply sighed at her aunt's silence, oblivious to the thoughts in the older woman's head. Meiling had expected silence. Yelan was still stubborn about the secret.

"Is Syaoran still…?"

Yelan woke from her reverie at the question and quickly composed herself. "Yes. He's still missing. And with him still hiding his aura from Eriol-san and thus all of us, it's impossible to find him."

"Something had to have happened between the two of them," Meiling commented aloud gesturing to the sleeping Sakura. "I never thought he would be able to stay away from her when she's in this sort of condition."

Yelan silently agreed. She didn't realize that something could've happened between them while Syaoran spent that week in Japan. Maybe he had broken her heart, thinking that it was for the best? It surely sounded like something he would do. But for some reason, she had an instinct that there was something more. Something that she had overlooked.

The regal woman sighed, as she slowly strode over to the Card Mistress and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at her closed eyes and noticed her heavy but ragged breathing. It was as if she was having a nightmare. "I'm sorry, Sakura-san…for everything."

* * *

How long has he been here? Surely it's been hours since he'd arrived here during the late hours of the afternoon. It's been a while since the sun had finally set, resting as the moon took over its shift.

Syaoran looked silently at the ornate slab of stone in front of him. He has never stepped foot here before. He hadn't felt compelled to until now. Engraved in an elaborate script, the stone read:

"_Li Chen & Li Zhu.  
Beloved to all."_

It's somewhat ironic. All he had to do was come here after his father's death to find out the truth. If he hadn't stubbornly refused to come to his funeral, Syaoran would have realized that the person his father would be buried next to was his mother, his real mother.

Syaoran vaguely remembered the days following his father's death. Everyone else had been so upset, so sad. However, he remembered being ignited with an indescribable fury. He had blamed his father for so many things back then. He had blamed him for the tremendous amount of pressure that he felt as he tried to succeed him in being a leader. He had blamed him for the tears that the usually dignified Yelan had shed. He had blamed him for the fact that the Elders looked down on him with such hatred.

Syaoran hadn't known the real cause of his death. He hadn't known that his father had died a broken man. He could relate to him now. The guilt of basically killing the one you love. The feeling of utter helplessness. The only difference is that Li Chen had hoped for the best. Syaoran had no hope at all.

The words Sakura had uttered still rang in his ears. The words that he had been dreading all this time.

"_I'm pregnant, Syaoran!"_

Deep down, he knew this was going to happen. He had uselessly hoped that it wouldn't. And now…now he was too numb to feel anything else but the disgust directed at himself. He was disgusted that he still didn't regret his actions. Disgusted that he had tried to run away from her. Disgusted that he still hadn't told her the truth.

He knew that he owed her at least that. The truth.

But the shame and the guilt he felt overpowered him. He couldn't bring himself to tell her.

What made it worse is that Sakura thought that he didn't want to be a part of it, that he didn't want to be a father. She was wrong. Of course he wanted to be a part of it. Of course he wanted to be a father, a father to Sakura's child. He wanted to start a family with her. He wanted to grow old with her. But everything was telling him that he couldn't.

Syaoran's knees finally buckled after hours of standing completely still in the same spot. He was kneeling in front of his parents' grave now, feeling hopeless and desperate. His eyes looked blankly at the slab of stone and suddenly the Chinese characters started shifting in his mind, spelling out something that he simply couldn't bear to see.

"_Kinomoto Sakura.  
'Surely everything will be alright.'"_

He choked as a sob caught in his throat. Pushing the tears down, he shook his head feverishly, trying to get the image out of his head. He looked again and saw that his father's and mother's name was back on the tombstone. His breath quickened. He was sure that the slight moment of paranoia he just experienced was a sign of the upcoming fate of the Card Mistress, the woman he loved. What should he do? With everything so complicated and secretive and with her life hanging on the balance, he felt helpless. He wouldn't be able to protect her if she was carrying a boy. And first of all, how was he supposed to tell her of her fate? The horrible fate that he had resigned her to?

"W-What do I do?" he whispered, looking at the stone pleadingly.

A warm wind suddenly ran through him, gently ruffling his hair. It wasn't a normal wind. Something about it was somewhat…comforting, like someone was trying to touch him, soothe him.

And suddenly he knew what he had to do. He had always known. He had just been too scared to admit it.

He had to tell Sakura the truth no matter how hard it would be or how much she hated him. And he had to be there for her through it all. It was the right thing to do.

However, that was only the first step…as for the events that would follow, he drew a blank.

* * *

Meiling was deep in thought as she headed towards the guest room where Sakura still lay. According to Wei who had been tending to Sakura all night, she was still fast asleep. Meiling was starting to really get worried that maybe Sakura hadn't just fainted. Maybe she had suddenly lapsed into a coma or something without warning.

It was morning now. And Syaoran still hadn't returned. Meiling was trying to figure out the possible reasons why he would go to such lengths to get away from Sakura. Maybe they had fought? Maybe he had told her things couldn't work out since he had to go back to Hong Kong? But none of them seemed to make sense. They seemed too trivial to be any sort of an obstacle to them. Meiling knew for a fact that nothing could stand in their way when it came to loving each other. So what could it be?

At least Meiling hadn't had to trek all the way back to the hotel. Yelan had insisted that she say, saying that Syaoran hadn't meant his words two days ago. Meiling didn't believe her, wanting a straight out apology from the man himself. But she didn't want to leave Sakura here. Not when for some reason she seemed to be the center of all the secrets. Who knows what the Elders, no doubt the masterminds of the terrific idea of keeping Syaoran away from Tomoeda, might do to her?

Entering the room, she squinted through her ruby eyes, noticing that someone had pulled away the shades to let the morning light seep in. She also noticed that someone was already by the Card Mistress's bedside, a tray of food in her hands.

"Auntie?"

Yelan smiled slightly before putting the tray on the nearby bed stand. "Good morning. I was hoping that the Card Mistress had awoken and I took the liberty of taking some food to her," the woman said. She frowned slightly as she looked over Sakura's frail body. "She seems like she hasn't eaten well for a long time."

Meiling nodded in agreement, remembering as she noticed her famished body yesterday. She was going to stuff food down Sakura's throat if she ever woke up. But then she sighed realizing that Sakura was still in the same condition as yesterday. "I'm really starting to worry about her, Auntie."

Yelan nodded as if she had the same thoughts. "I was hoping that it might just be fatigue. But I'm planning on calling the doctor soon if she doesn't wake just in case."

Suddenly, a familiar, dark blue aura caught Yelan's attention. Although distinctly unique, it still had that familiar tint of Clow Reed in it. She could pick that aura out anywhere. As it made its way closer to her, she sighed as if she had expected it to be coming.

"What's wrong, Auntie?"

"It seems that an irate Eriol-san is bounding towards us. Knowing him, a concerned Tomoyo-san is following close behind."

Meiling sighed in suit. Eriol was going to be so angry at her for screening all his calls…

As if on cue, a panting Eriol barged into the room, being followed by a timid but worried Tomoyo. His hair was covering his smoldering dark eyes and not even his wide rimmed glasses could hide the fact that he was upset. As Tomoyo, looking as angelic as ever even though she was clearly distressed, gently closed the door behind them, Eriol looked accusingly at Yelan and Meiling, before realizing that Sakura lay in the bed near them, unmoving.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked quickly, ignoring all the traditional "hello's" and "how are you's" as he looked over to Sakura in worry. "While we were waiting for our flight I suddenly felt her aura reappear. But it was very weak."

Tomoyo quickly ran to her best friend's bedside, concern written all over her face. "Is she alright, Meiling-chan?"

"We think so," Meiling said uncertainly, trying to avoid Eriol's gaze. "She fainted yesterday when she was talking to Syao–" She stopped speaking immediately when she felt the atmosphere tense. Damn. She should've shut her big mouth.

After a moment, Eriol's dark voice could be heard. It was a tone that was alien to Meiling. After all, Eriol was not an easy person to upset. "He did this? Where is he?"

The mere mention of Syaoran put both the Lis in the room on edge. The unfamiliar darkness in his voice put them into an even more uneasy state.

"Now, Eriol," Tomoyo warned as she continued to evaluate the well-being of her friend. "Don't start. We can't assume things."

"Who's assuming! I know that he did this to her! Remember how he treated her? How he treated us? Who else could've done this?"

Tomoyo finally turned to him and her amethyst eyes flooded with disapproval. "Eriol!"

Immediately he clamped his mouth shut and looked away. His girlfriend looked apologetically at the two Lis who were sitting there uncomfortably. "I'm very sorry. We're just…worried. We've come a really long way to figure out what has been happening. Why Syaoran is the way he is…And why he suddenly left." She turned momentarily at Eriol and her eyes softened. "We're…stressed."

"And how you blocked your auras and blocked my calls didn't help," Eriol mumbled under his breath. Tomoyo shot him a glance and he looked away once again, turning towards the sleeping Sakura and evaluating her weak aura.

"I apologize, Eriol-san," Yelan started slowly. "It's just that…the situation is a little delicate. We had to cut communication from you. But don't blame Meiling. She doesn't know the specifics of the matter."

Meiling nodded fervently, grateful for her auntie's comment. She then let out a snort. "I've been trying to figure out what's been going on for the past three weeks. I just didn't want to talk to you guys…empty-handed, you know?"

Tomoyo nodded understandingly as Eriol looked at them carefully. "I'm guessing that you can't explain the situation now then, Li-san?" the dark haired maiden asked dispiritedly. "And why the situation is delicate?"

The woman before her bowed her head apologetically. "I'm sorry. It's classified information that only immediate family of the Lis could know."

"I'm practically a Li," Eriol desperately insisted. "After all, the Lis are descended from my mother's side."

"Clow Reed's mother."

The boy humphed before he looked dejectedly into the air. "It's just…difficult not knowing why things are the way they are. And I'm sure that if I was given the chance, I could try to figure this out. I just need some information…"

Yelan, her head still bowed, felt the stress radiating from the young teenagers and sighed. The Li secret has never caused so much worry among people who weren't directly involved. She knew that the strong friendship between her son's companions was the reason. They all cared about each other…and she felt horrible for hurting them, hiding the secret from them.

"If…If you excuse me, I'll get two guest rooms arranged for you," Yelan whispered as she stood from Sakura's side.

"Oh no, Li-san, we can't– "

But the regal woman cut Tomoyo off with a gentle smile. "I know you two are angry at me for withholding information. And I'm sorry for not being able to tell you. Please, I know it doesn't make up for it, but let me at least accommodate your stay."

Seeing the sincerity in her eyes, both Eriol and Tomoyo nodded slightly. As Yelan left, her beautiful long raven air trailing behind her, the three remaining people looked to Sakura silently.

It was quiet before Tomoyo built enough nerve to ask the question that she and Eriol had been quietly contemplating. "How's…How's Syaoran, Meiling?" Eriol looked at the female Li expectantly, wanting to know the answer just as much.

The cousin visibly stiffened and looked away, trying to hide her eyes. How was she going to tell them that he was…different? That he wasn't Syaoran anymore? "He's…not doing too well."

Eriol grunted uncharacteristically. "Is he arrogant? Rude? Cold?"

Before Tomoyo could scold him, Meiling had already nodded sadly. She looked at her two friends desperately, trying to apologize. "I-I'm sorry. When Sakura called me out of the blue...I thought that if I brought her here…I thought she out of all people could…help him. I didn't know that…things would only get worse."

"We understand," Tomoyo said gently, placing a comforting hand on Meiling's shoulder. She then sighed, glancing at Eriol who was looking pensive as he stared at Sakura's even breathing and distressed expression. "If only we knew what was going on. Where is he right now?"

Meiling bowed her head in defeat. "We don't know. He ran off yesterday after seeing Sakura and we haven't seen him since."

Eriol grumbled under his breath. "Why that little, cowardly–"

Suddenly the door burst open and the person who was the center of their conversation walked in, as if fate had decided to favor them that moment. Chocolate hair slightly mussed. Jaw set in a tight clench. Amber eyes set in an unwavering mission. His tall figure strode in and he slightly acknowledged the occupants in the room with a small nod before setting his eyes on the girl sleeping on the bed.

It was silent for a minute as he swallowed uneasily, looking at Sakura and almost losing his resolve. She looked so troubled in her sleep. As if she was having a nightmare.

He took a tentative step towards her when suddenly someone blocked his way. He came head to head with an equally tall friend with glasses perched on his nose. Eriol gave him a dangerous glare and Syaoran returned it with a guilty but defiant look.

"You have a lot of explaining to do," the reincarnation said, a slight growl erupting from his throat.

Syaoran didn't back away and simply gave him an even stare. "I know. But right now, I just need to talk to her, Eriol."

He tried to take a step forward but Eriol didn't let him. "You're not getting within two feet of her before you explain things, Li." He spat his last name with disgust. "You expect me to just forget how you left her? How you treated us? I will never let you hurt Tomoyo or Sakura again, you hear me? No matter how close we might've been, no one hurts them that badly, even if it's another friend. Though 'friend' isn't a good word to be describing you."

Syaoran let the words slap him, knowing that he readily deserved them. But he still kept his gaze steady. "I know. Believe me I know. Just let me talk to her. I need to talk to her."

However, the livid sorcerer still wouldn't let him through. The anger was still evident in his eyes as he blocked his way.

"Eriol," Syaoran said through gritted teeth, his amber eyes starting to flash. "Let me through."

The argument heightened and it looked as if Eriol would physically push him back. Frightened at the tension, the girls leapt to their feet and ran to the boys. Tomoyo put a hand on Eriol's shoulder, trying to calm him down as Meiling grabbed Syaoran's arm trying to pull him back.

"Syaoran," Meiling pleaded, "just wait until Sakura wakes up, okay?"

Tomoyo nodded in agreement. "Yeah. And Eriol, he says he's sorry. That's what matters right?"

Eriol was still stiff and resistant under his girlfriend's touch. "No. What matters is that he explains everything. Right now."

Syaoran stayed silent, glaring at his friend as Eriol did the same. Neither one of them was backing down. Despite their holds on them, Meiling and Tomoyo were scared that they would actually get into a fight. A moment passed as the tension peaked. It was entirely silent as the girls looked from both of the men.

"Stop it, both of you," a weak voice insisted from behind them.

Immediately, they all whipped around to turn to the voice. Sakura was finally awake, looking at both of the men with disapproval. Heaving a sigh, she tried to sit up, only to gently fall to her back again. At once, three people were at her side. The last person was still standing a few feet away, looking on at the scene with worry.

"Sakura, don't strain yourself!" Tomoyo insisted as she rushed to her best friend's side.

But the girl merely gave her a tired sigh. "I'm fine really. Just a bit tired."

"A bit tired!" Meiling exclaimed incredulously. "You've been sleeping for almost a day!"

The girl only responded with a nonchalant shrug, looking away tiredly. She could feel the eyes of someone in particular piercing her from the side. She shuddered, wishing that his amber gaze would turn elsewhere. Sakura could still remember how regretful he had been yesterday when she had brought him the news. She unconsciously held her hand up to her stomach, remembering the memory.

The little action went unnoticed by her three friends who were fussing over her as they suggested what she should do now that she had recovered from her fainting spell. However, a certain chocolate haired boy surely took note of it. The vague action had made his body go numb and Syaoran swallowed his dry throat, urging himself to finally face her, to tell her.

"Sakura…" His deep voice interrupted a very anxious Tomoyo who was insisting that Sakura should eat something right away. All four heads looked up at him and a certain girl's body stiffened. "Can I…talk to you…alone?"

Sakura's emerald orbs widened in surprise. He had been so stunned and aghast by her news yesterday. She hadn't even thought that Syaoran would even want to be near her right now, much less talk to her. She knew she should have said no. She knew that she should have made up her mind to stay away from him now. After all, if he didn't want anything to do with her and the baby, she didn't need him. That was what Sakura had decided before she had even come to Hong Kong.

But…her heart still longed for him. She wanted to talk to him, too. She knew she was being weak but she just couldn't help it.

Sakura opened her mouth to willingly agree when Eriol suddenly stepped towards Syaoran, his jaw set in a tight clench. "No," he stated pointedly, his azure eyes flashing.

Syaoran sighed, his voice starting to sound desperate. "Please Eriol…just a few minutes."

His eyes suddenly locked on emerald eyes and suddenly Sakura knew that what Syaoran needed to say was important. Those amber eyes...they were sincere and they were hopelessly hiding something enormously significant. She turned to Eriol, her eyebrows furrowed adamantly. "Eriol…" she threatened slightly. "He wasn't talking to you. Please stop talking for me."

"I'm not leaving you along with him!" he growled, turning to her, his azure eyes concerned. "He hurt you before, remember Sakura? He's the reason why you haven't been eating or sleeping or talking to us. He's the reason why you fainted!"

However, Sakura remained stubborn. "Eriol, you're being ridiculous!"

Abruptly, Tomoyo spoke, her usually gentle voice laced with an unusual resentment. "No Sakura, he's not." She looked to Syaoran with wary eyes. "I…I think you should stay away from him for now…" she whispered almost apologetic.

The statement from Tomoyo's lips shocked everyone. Tomoyo, who had been so willing to forgive and befriend Syaoran, was suddenly against him? She had wanted so much to believe in him, to believe that he would do the right thing. But after seeing Sakura lying unconsciously because she had fainted after just a few moments with him…she decided that maybe having so much faith in Syaoran wasn't worth it, not when it hurt Sakura.

"Y-You're not serious!" Meiling suddenly said. She looked carefully at her two friends' determined faces and saw that they indeed were serious. She sighed, taking in the situation. "Look, everyone's just a bit on edge. I understand. I am too. Let's just calm down a little…" Her ruby eyes turned sadly to the stiff figure of her cousin. "I'm sure if you explain things so that we'll understand what's been happening, we can assess the situation and _then_ you can speak to Sakura alone."

Sakura sighed in frustration, disliking the fact that her friends were deciding her actions for her. "But–!"

"No," Syaoran said suddenly, but with resolve. He closed his eyes, almost hiding a deep pain. "I can't…I have to talk to her alone first." He couldn't reveal the secret to them. She had to be the first to know the truth. He owed her at least that.

"Then I'm afraid that you can't," Eriol growled in finality.

The amber eyed boy sighed, looking past the protective wall of friends to a distressed Sakura lying weakly in bed. He would just have to try another time. But he would tell her no matter what. For now, his eyes bore deeply into hers, trying to telepathically relay what he was thinking.

_I'm sorry Sakura…for everything I've done to you_.

Sakura looked at his forlorn expression and felt compelled to suddenly console him. She struggled to sit up, to go to him but he suddenly sighed and started towards the door.

"Wait–!"

"And don't think you'll have a chance to be alone with her because I'll make _sure _that I'm by her side at all times!" Eriol yelled, interrupting Sakura, as Syaoran closed the door behind him.

The door closing was a deafening noise to Sakura's ears. She looked furiously up at her friends, her emerald orbs a dark green. "H-How could you!" she accused. "I can make my own decisions! I don't need you to speak for me!"

Tomoyo looked sadly down at her friend as she started to brush her auburn hair from her eyes. However, Sakura quickly shoved her hand away. The amethyst eyed girl sighed at the action. "This is…for the best, Sakura…he's already hurt you way too many times," she tried to explain straight from her heart.

"And we deserve an explanation," her boyfriend added.

"Even so, you have no right to _speak_ for me! I can take care of myself!" Sakura retorted. She looked up to Meiling hopefully. "Tell them how ridiculous they're being, Meiling!"

However, the Chinese teen hesitated as she looked away. Although Syaoran was her cousin, she could see that he had hurt her while they had been in Japan. And surely, she had been hurt badly. If not, Tomoyo and Eriol wouldn't be this overprotective of her. Besides, Sakura had fainted when she had been alone with Syaoran. Who _knows_ what he had said to her? "Maybe it's best that you two stay away from each other for now."

Sakura was slowly shaking her head as she scanned her gaze over her three friends. She knew they were just trying to protect her. She knew they were just worried. But there was something in Syaoran's gaze that made her feel like what he had to say was important…something that created a deep sense of dread inside of her. In his amber gaze just now, he didn't hold regret, he didn't hold disappointment.

He held indescribable fear and guilt.


	7. Feeling

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary: **For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 7:** Feeling

Two and a half weeks. Two and a half _long_ weeks.

Sakura sighed, feeling her lead body weighing her down and urging her to crawl into bed. Her fatigue seemed to only grow with each passing day and it was not just due to Tomoyo's, Eriol's, and Meiling's constant hovering. She had been expected being tired because of her pregnancy. She just didn't realize that the urge to sleep would be so strong.

She sat on a nearby couch that was situated near a window. Hearing Meiling milling nearby a different couch watching television, Sakura sighed, looking out into the quad from her window view. It was a bright, sunny summer day. She never thought she would have to spend her summer before college stuck under the watchful eyes of three paranoid friends. She had been stuck under their watch for days, going everywhere from walking along the courtyard to having dinner with Yelan and her daughters with at least one captor. Throughout it all, she hadn't fully seen Syaoran. Even when Sakura had dinner with his mother, Syaoran would mysteriously be missing from the table. Sakura suspected that her prison guards had requested that. As if keeping him away would actually make her stop thinking about him. Even if she did find him, she would be under the watchful eye of one of her friends. And no matter how many times she tried to sneak away to find him by herself, they'd always manage to find her. They've even made night shifts so that she wouldn't sneak off while they were sleeping! It was getting absurd! But no matter how many times she tried to tell them that they were being insane, they simply wouldn't listen. And now that walking just a few feet was difficult due to her constant fatigue, her mission was definitely harder.

She had considered using the Cards to help escape, possibly use Time and then Fly. However, she knew that Eriol would just be able to stop her as soon as she whipped out her Cards. Besides, with her being so tired nowadays, just thinking about using magic made her sleepy.

She sighed. It was a miracle that her friends had even agreed to stay here in Hong Kong. It was mostly Meiling's doing. Sakura realized that the Chinese female wanted them to stay because she still believed that Syaoran would crack soon, that his want to speak to Sakura alone was too great that he would spill some big secret Meiling was convinced he was hiding. However, Sakura hadn't heard Syaoran make any attempts to come to see her. Did he really want to talk to her?

Remembering back to that day, she pictured his amber eyes. They were pained. They were apologetic. They were fearful. There was no way that she had imagined all that. Surely, what he needed to say was something significant. Sakura felt that she needed to know.

Besides, she wanted to see him. It almost felt like yet another excruciating month feeling empty and alone without him. However, it certainly wasn't as bad as their last time apart. At least now she was speaking. She didn't feel as bitter. She was more up and about. And she was certainly eating now. It was because knowing that Syaoran needed – _wanted_ – to speak to her gave her some hope. He hadn't seemed upset about the news that she was pregnant when he had announced he wanted to talk to her alone. He hadn't even seemed like it regret it like she thought he did. There was just something else…

Speaking about the news, it was getting harder and harder to try to hide her pregnancy from her hovering friends. It was especially hard to hide it from the overly perceptive Tomoyo. And now that her fatigue seemed to only get worse, Sakura was scared that her cover would be blown.

She didn't want them to know yet. Seeing them so angry at Syaoran…she was scared what they'd do to them, especially Eriol. She couldn't imagine what he would do when he found out that she and Syaoran had…and that he had just left.

Sakura herself still didn't understand it fully. Why was he so cold that night? After they had made such amazing, purely passionate love? It was clear that something was troubling Syaoran. And Sakura was sure that whatever he wanted to tell her would explain everything.

Suddenly, she realized that her eyes had closed while she was thinking. She sighed as she slowly waddled to her bed and slipped under the covers. She would figure out a new plan when she awoke. For now, sleep was definitely overpowering her.

* * *

Amber eyes shifted as it carefully scanned the quad. Hiding behind a wall, Syaoran squinted across the empty courtyard, keeping a look out for three certain teens. He sighed at the absurdity of all this. He was hiding and sneaking around in his own home from his guests. Damn that Hiiragazawa. He always made a big deal out of everything. Yes, he knew that he hurt him, Tomoyo, and Sakura, but if the four-eyed idiot only knew why Syaoran did what he did…

No matter. He wasn't going to say a word to him, Tomoyo, or Meiling even if they continued to act so stupid. Before that, he needed to let Sakura know about everything. That was the most important thing right now.

He stared across the quad quietly as he watched her look outside the window. Her emerald eyes were soft as her face contorted in an almost frustrated but pensive expression. She looked tired though, as if just thinking wore her out. His jaw clenched in aggravation. She was right there. _Right there_. Oh how he wished to just run across the quad, jump through her window, and hold her before he had to tell her everything.

"Syaoran?"

He jumped at the sudden voice and whipped around to face his captor. Tomoyo stood behind him, a slight smile on her lips. "T-Tomoyo!" he stuttered. "I was just…"

"Stalking Sakura?" she asked teasingly. "Trying to scheme a plan to get to her?"

"O-Of course not!"

She chuckled softly as she observed his skittish demeanor. It was familiar. Despite his constant cool attitude, he was always somewhat easily embarrassed when he was teased. At least, that was how he was like before everything had gone awry. But suddenly her smile faded as she analyzed his face. It was tired with dark circles under his glazed eyes. He looked haggard, as if he wasn't getting enough sleep. And there was also a sense of guilt and shame hiding behind that as well. But most obvious of all was his desperation in seeing Sakura in his faded amber eyes.

"Syaoran, if you tell us, you know I would let you see her," she whispered.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked away. "I can't. I need to speak to her first. You don't understand how…complicated this all is. I just…I just really need to let her know…"

"And this situation is too complicated that we can't even know about it?"

"Tomoyo…"

She looked desperately at him, her amethyst eyes weighed with sadness. "It's just…she was so hurt. And then she came here and she…fainted! I just…" Her eyes narrowed in thought, trying to articulate what she had been noticing for the past few weeks. Her best friend sleeping for hours and taking random naps. Her best friend staring into the air as if in a trance. The sudden new atmosphere around her. "For some reason…I feel like something's off about her. Like she's more fragile in a way since you left that day. I feel like…I need to protect her…" She caught his eye and looked at him apologetically. "I just…don't want to see her hurt again, you know? And if seeing you hurts her…I don't want you two to see each other. At least for now, when she seems so vulnerable."

He felt the slight accusation in her voice. It stung. After all, Tomoyo was not one to accuse or judge. Syaoran looked down at his feet, not knowing what to say. Everything she had said was true. He had hurt Sakura badly. And he had made her vulnerable…and not only emotionally. Tomoyo was hitting it right on the mark. Sakura's sudden fragility and vulnerability was odd. After all, the girl was strong both in spirit in body. He was sure that in just a few more days, Tomoyo would be able to see that Sakura was…carrying a baby.

"But you know," the dark haired maiden suddenly said. She sighed. "This really has gone too far. Sakura's right. It _is_ ridiculous. I'll try to talk to Eriol. A _few_ minutes of you being alone with her can't hurt that much right?"

Syaoran looked at her gratefully as he let out a breath of relief. Thank goodness for Daidouji Tomoyo.

* * *

Meiling watched a soap opera in boredom, hearing Sakura's heavy breaths behind her. Damn. That girl was always sleeping nowadays wasn't she? But Meiling couldn't blame her. It wasn't as if there was anything else to do. Lately with all the tension, especially between Eriol and Syaoran, everyone was on edge. And she could forget about taking them sightseeing around the city like people did on a _real_ vacation. Things were just too complicated now.

Suddenly the door opened and in walked an azure haired teen with glasses perched on his nose. "So Sakura, I talked with your father. They're only going to let you stay a few more days. It's a miracle I got them to calm down and not pick you up right away in the first place. But I'm afraid that–"

Meiling quickly put her index finger to her lips, silencing him. He finally realized that Sakura was serenely sleeping on the bed. He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"She surely is sleeping a lot lately isn't she? Is she really alright?" he asked as he shook his head slowly and sat down next to Meiling in front of the boring soap opera.

Meiling shrugged. "I just figured she's making up for a month's worth of lost sleep."

"I guess," he muttered, but still not fully convinced.

"So did Syaoran snap yet?" the girl asked curiously.

"Seems like it'll be soon."

"Are you sure this is alright? Keeping them apart? Isn't this becoming a little too 'Romeo and Juliet'?" Meiling asked. This little game between them and Syaoran had been going on for far too long and she was getting fed up. Yes, she wanted Syaoran to confess what has been happening and why he acted like such a cold-hearted jerk but maybe this was going too far.

"We need to know what's been happening," he insisted, like always. He was stubborn about this subject. After all, he was pretty much the leader of this whole "keep-Syaoran-away-until-he-confesses" operation. "Besides, I don't want that jerk to hurt her again."

"Oh really, Eriol! You're turning into Touya!" she exclaimed. "Besides, have you even considered that maybe Syaoran will tell us _after_ he gets done telling it to Sakura?"

He crossed his arms in front of him stubbornly, still disliking the man he had called his best friend. "If that's so, I don't see why he can't just tell it to all of us together."

Meiling just sighed at Eriol's stubbornness. Men…

Suddenly, they heard a pained groan behind them and they immediately looked to an awakened Sakura. She looked a bit pale and green as she sat up and held her hand to her stomach.

"Sakura?" Eriol asked worriedly, instantly on his feet and at her side. "Are you okay?"

"Are you sick?" Meiling asked in confusion as she too hurried to Sakura's side. She placed a hand on the girl's forehead and shook her own head. "Doesn't seem like you have a fever."

The newly awakened girl groaned as a new wave of nausea seized her. Suddenly, Sakura shoved past her friends, holding her mouth with a hand, as she ran across the room to the bathroom. She sank to her knees as she looked into the toilet bowl and instantly emptied her stomach, groans of distress following her lunch as it left.

* * *

Tomoyo walked towards the guest room with Syaoran following close behind. She planned that she would go inside and talk to Eriol while Syaoran waited. It was a long shot trying to reason with the stubborn Hiiragazawa Eriol, but this childish game had to end. Yes, Syaoran had hurt them. But he obviously didn't have ill feelings towards them anymore. She had realized that his coldness he had displayed a few weeks ago was only a mask to hide something bigger. And even though she wasn't happy that he was hiding things, she was sure that he would tell them all when he was ready.

Behind her, the boy swallowed, trying to prepare himself of what he was going to say to Sakura. Yes, he had wanted – had _needed_ – to talk to her for so long, yet he was still unsure of what exactly to say. His stomach dropped as the shame filled his body for the umpteenth time. How was he supposed to tell her that…he had basically resigned her to death?

Suddenly, they stopped outside the door and looked at each other in confusion as they heard fretful yells from inside. Also, there was a strange gagging noise that was buried under all the fussing voices.

Syaoran paled as realization hit him. Was it already time for her to have morning sickness?

Instantly, he and Tomoyo burst into the room only to be welcomed by no one. But as they followed the frantic voices, they found everyone in the adjoining bathroom. Sakura was weakly on her knees in front of the toilet. Behind her, Eriol and Meiling were yelling at the suddenness of her sickness. Trying to console her and directing each other to do things at the same time, they were at her side in the cramped bathroom, unsure of exactly what to do.

"What on earth?" Tomoyo whispered in shock as she too hurried to the crowd at Sakura's side. She looked to Eriol and Meiling in confusion. She only received the same look back.

"She just suddenly started throwing up," the Chinese teen said in frustration. "Do people even throw up out of nowhere? Do we bring her to the doctor?"

Eriol was just as equally frustrated. "She hasn't been sick or anything. She doesn't seem to have a fever either."

Tomoyo shook her head slowly, trying to comprehend Sakura's sickness. People didn't randomly vomit. Not unless they were…

Her amethyst eyes widened in shock and her jaw dropped as she slowly turned around to look behind her. Everything started to click. Syaoran was standing stiffly at the door, unnoticed by everyone as they anxiously babbled. Her eyes caught his wide amber guilt-ridden ones as the realization stunned her.

That was when Sakura finally stopped vomiting, and the toilet bowl flushed. Meiling was immediately consoling and helping the poor girl. Eriol on the other hand had followed his girlfriend's gaze. His eyes too landed on Syaoran. However, he wasn't shocked like Tomoyo was. He was furious.

"W-What did you do!" he growled as he approached the stiff Syaoran, immediately misunderstanding his girlfriend's surprised expression for an accusation.

The boy didn't answer as he continued to stare in alarm at Sakura, who was now weakly washing and wiping her mouth. He was still shocked, experiencing the first symptoms of her pregnancy up close. Up until now, it hadn't really hit him, that she was pregnant. Now…

Suddenly Eriol's hand was enclosed on Syaoran's collar. He shook him roughly, eyes flashing behind his glasses. "I said, _what did you do_!"

"Stop it, Eriol!" Sakura yelled desperately, the feeling of nausea starting to leave. She stood there helplessly and tiredly as she finished wiping her mouth, throwing the soiled towel in the garbage.

Eriol ignored her and continued to silently glare at him while Syaoran simply stood there like a rag doll, still in shock. Eriol was starting to get annoyed with his unresponsiveness and the tension in the bathroom heightened. Meiling rushed to try to get the boys to back away from each other as Sakura continued to uselessly shout at Eriol, too scared that the queasiness would come back with a vengeance if she moved too suddenly. Tomoyo on the other hand was still kneeling on the tiled floor, her mouth opened in shock.

The current situation would have been humorous because of where it was all happening, in a cramped, tiny bathroom. However, the atmosphere was getting dangerous as Eriol's anger rose. Both Sakura and Meiling couldn't stop him and Tomoyo was still too stunned to even say a word. Syaoran, although in Eriol's grasps, was simply bewildered as he stared into space. The sorcerer seizing him was growling in anger, almost ready to start throwing punches…

…But then something else caught the men's attention. Both of them whipped their heads towards Sakura, their eyes wide.

Confused, Meiling looked towards her as well, not understanding the look of utter shock written in both of the guys' faces. Sakura was just standing there normally. Albeit she was still a bit pale, but she seemed okay now. Why were Syaoran and Eriol so shaken? Then she noticed Sakura's sudden shock as well as she looked down at her own body.

"W-What's the matter with everyone?" Meiling asked, ruby eyes baffled. "Eriol?"

He didn't answer. All he did was furrow his eyebrows in confusion. There was a new…aura. It had come out of nowhere but he could clearly tell that it was coming from Sakura. Yet, her own aura was still distinctly there. He tried analyzing this new magic power, taking it apart piece by piece in his mind. It felt strange. Unique and strong yet distinctly familiar. It was powerful, he could tell. But he could also tell that it was new, almost fragile. The strength embedded in such a new power was staggering. Despite its immaturity, it was clear that it had the potential to be almost as strong as Sakura's, Syaoran's, or even his own. He had never felt anything like this before.

His eyes widened even more as he stared at Sakura. His glasses dropped to the tip of his nose. He now knew why it felt so familiar. The aura was light green. And it bore so many similarities to…both Syaoran's and Sakura's.

Suddenly Syaoran strode past him as Eriol's grip on his loosened, walking slowly towards Sakura who was standing next to the sink. No one stopped him, too involved or confused at the current situation. Their eyes caught, both enlaced with alarm and surprise. His amber eyes then wandered downward. As he suspected, the place where the new aura was concentrated was at her torso, more specifically, her stomach area.

He had stopped breathing when he had felt it. Syaoran knew right away what it was. It was the aura of Sakura's child…_his_ child.

As soon as he felt it radiating toward him, he suddenly felt absolutely numb. Since he found out about it, he hadn't thought of the…_thing_ inside her as a baby. Even after just a few seconds ago when the reality of Sakura being pregnant had hit, he had thought of it as…a _thing_ that could possibly lead her to her death. It had been the proof of his shame, of his uncontrolled emotions. It hadn't hit him that it was a baby, _his_ baby.

His daughter or son.

The Li curse was suddenly pushed to the back of his head. He was…going to have a baby with Sakura. He was…going to be a father.

It was a feeling he had never felt before. It could only be described as something in between elation and fear. He lifted a shaking hand, tentatively and awkwardly placing it on top of Sakura's flat belly, the area where the aura was coming from.

She wasn't surprised at his touch. Sakura had felt it too, probably being the first to feel it, the light green aura. Her own hand joined his as she tried to comprehend it, tried to figure out if it was really real. Numbness enveloped her. This was it. This was really it.

The baby.

Yes, she had known that a baby was growing inside her. But she didn't think she really realized…that it was a _person_. Only now, feeling its aura radiating from within her did the fact that she was pregnant and going to give birth to a boy or girl truly hit her. Only now did she realize that it was going to grow up, have feelings, eat, smile, laugh, cry, and…live.

Suddenly, a voice surprised them back to reality. They had forgotten that people were still in the room, watching them carefully. "It's yours, Syaoran," Eriol said, his voice enlaced with shock. His sentence wasn't a question. It was a fact that he needed confirmation to.

Eriol and the girls were staring at the two. By the shocked looks on their faces, it was clear that they both knew now, Tomoyo knowing full well before any of them. Everything was starting to make sense. Sakura's strange glow, her constant fatigue, and now her sudden vomiting. Everything was clicking.

Eriol's statement caused Sakura to look up wearily at the face of the man who was holding her stomach. She wasn't sure what he was going to respond to that. Surprisingly, she felt warmth fill her as she watched him nod.

"Yes," Syaoran answered his tone deep and quiet, pride filling his voice. "It's mine."

* * *

Yelan and her four daughters waited anxiously for Syaoran and Sakura to arrive. The five women were scattered around Yelan's grandiose study room, some talking with each other in hushed voices, others standing around in shock. Yelan happened to be one of the latter as she sat in her chair behind her desk. Eyes narrowed and fingers laced together as she rested her elbows on the desk, it was strange for her to be so on edge.

She stared straight ahead at the door, feeling a couple of familiar auras slowly approach the room from afar. All of the auras were familiar…except one.

Yelan closed her obsidian eyes, trying to pinpoint and study the new aura as she's done for the past few minutes since it had appeared. She knew what she had concluded in her head. She knew who the aura was from.

She just had trouble admitting it.

She had called her daughters, who had run up to her in unease as they too felt it, and her son and the Card Mistress to her study, demanding to get to the bottom things. But Yelan already had a feeling to where things were headed.

How could he be so…irresponsible? After everything they've revealed to him? How could he?

Suddenly three soft knocks on the door caught the five women's attention and they stiffened. Yelan let out a hoarse, "Come in," before the door cracked open ever so slightly.

Five teenagers hesitantly walked in. Her son was leading them with Sakura trailing tentatively behind, while Meiling, Tomoyo and Eriol brought up the rear. Tomoyo closed the door behind her and everything grew still. The sisters were eyeing the recently entered persons, especially a certain emerald eyed girl who had her head bowed down.

"Maybe it is best that Meiling, Daidouji-san, and Hiiragazawa-san leave?" a voice whispered. It came from Fuutie, who was quietly standing in the corner by the window.

The three in question were about to fervently refuse before another sister, Fanren, interrupted.

"Let them stay," she sneered, almost with malice as she eyed Syaoran. "Let them see what kind of trouble our little brother is in."

Suddenly, with that one comment, all hell broke loose. Syaoran stood there, his eyebrows knitted, as he took accusations and insults from his four sisters. The Japanese teenagers were overwhelmed by the bustle and stood there, numb to it all, hearing only a few key phrases that the sisters had decided to say in Japanese.

"Do you understand what you've done?"

"Xiao Lang, this is the most irresponsible, most outrageous–"

"The _Card Mistress_, out of all people!"

"Just how do you plan on going about this situation –"

But he simply stared straight ahead, ignoring his sisters, catching eyes with the only silent female in his family. Yelan stared back evenly, her face blank, as her daughters continued their assault.

As far as Meiling, Sakura, Tomoyo, and Eriol could see, it was clear that the Li family had concluded the truth. What they didn't understand was why they seemed to be more upset than they expected them to be. Yes, the situation might be a little displeasing because of their young age and recent arguments, but Meiling had at least thought a few of the normally bubbly sisters would be happy, jumping at joy at the possibility of having a mini-Syaoran or mini-Sakura.

Sakura frowned at the harsh words that were directed at the boy in front of her. The thing that really irked her was that they seemed to place all the blame on him, forgetting that it takes two people to make a baby. She stared at his back, trying to understand why he would take all of this by himself. She was about to open her mouth to protest, to protect him, when Yelan suddenly cleared her throat and stood up, silencing her daughters.

The Li sisters quieted immediately, looking away from their brother as if in disgust or shame. Syaoran, Sakura, and their friends watched as Yelan emerged from behind her desk to come face to face with her son.

Syaoran looked up at her anxiously as she simply looked down at him, her dark eyes still blank. Everything stayed still as the others in the room looked at the interaction between the mother and son either with confusion or nervousness. Suddenly, Syaoran saw her eye twitch ever so slightly before he felt a harsh sting across his cheek.

The slap reverberated in the room, leaving a lasting impression of shock on all of their faces. Syaoran looked at the floor, trying to ignore the sting in his left cheek. It wasn't the slap itself that hurt him. It was the shame and the disgrace that his mother had put into that slap.

"Do…Do you understand what this means, Xiao Lang?" she asked darkly, her voice quiet.

His jaw clenched. "Yes."

"How could you?" she asked incredulously, her voice rising. "How could you do this? I thought I had raised a responsible boy who knew the difference between right and wrong! I thought that after I revealed to you what happened to your father, you would understand that _this_…" Yelan raised her furious eyes and set them on the Card Mistress behind him. Her eyes softened, as if in guilt or pity. "…_this_ was the one thing you should've avoided!"

Sakura shook her head slightly, confused at the whole situation. "Y-Yelan-san," she said quietly. "This isn't just his fault, you know. This is my responsibility as well. Please don't concentrate your anger only at him."

Sakura felt her body tense as Yelan looked at her carefully and silently for a moment. The woman then sighed deeply and turned to glare down at her son.

"She doesn't know." It wasn't a question. Yelan already knew the answer as she looked down at the bowed head of her son. A murmur among the sisters arose at the new information and Yelan gave them a sharp glare that quickly quieted them again.

"I…I don't know what?" Sakura asked. She wasn't appreciating the fact that she was being left out of the conversation, as if she had nothing to do with the situation.

Yelan's body was starting to shake as she looked away from her son, almost as if she couldn't even bear looking at him. "I cannot believe you didn't even tell her."

"Tell me what?" Sakura urged. She saw Syaoran glance at her and quickly look away. She pleaded with him, trying to restrain herself from reaching out and making him look at her. "Syaoran, tell me what? Why is your family that opposed to this...? Are they _that _opposed to…us?"

Syaoran sucked his breath and looked away from her, feeling pained. "It…It's not that they're opposed to us…"

"We just don't want you to get hurt, Sakura-chan," Shiefa suddenly said.

Feimei nodded. "We wanted to protect you."

Feeling fully exasperated, Sakura sighed and threw her hands in the air. "From what exactly? What exactly is putting me in danger?"

The Lis were silent, looking away pensively at her question. She looked hopefully to the brown haired boy in front of her who slowly turned to her, looking at her straight on with ashamed, conflicted amber eyes.

"From me."

She looked at him in confusion, shaking her head slightly, trying to understand. How could Syaoran be putting her in danger? Is this the reason why he had been trying to hurt her so much before? To try to break them apart?

Slowly, she reached up a hand to touch his face and he visibly winced. "Syaoran," she said solidly, looking into his conflicted amber eyes with confidence. "You will never hurt me. I know that you would never. So don't ever try to break us apart, for what ever reason. Even if you think it would _protect _me. Even if you try, I will still…" She gave him a small smile. "…I will still love you, regardless."

He started shaking his head and opened his mouth to protest but she continued before he could speak.

"So don't worry about 'hurting' me," she said. Then she lightly touched her flat belly and smiled slightly, a small blush coming across her cheeks. "After all, with this…you've made me the happiest woman in the world. It's…proof of our love."

Suddenly, Syaoran's eyes widened and he ripped himself from her touch, a look of horror on his face. What was she saying? That baby inside of her…would make her happy? Even if it meant it would eventually take her life? It wasn't proof of their love! It was proof of his uncontrollable, sick self!

"No, Sakura," he said, a growl erupting from his throat. "If I loved you, I would have stayed away from you. If I loved you, that _thing_ wouldn't be in you!"

Sakura paled at his anger in his voice. He had called it, "That _thing_." He thought of it as a _thing_?

"Now hold on just a second, Syaoran," Eriol suddenly said, outraged at his reaction. "That _thing_ is your _child_! Surely you felt its aura! How can you treat it with such hostility when it's a part of _you_?"

"Wasn't it you who just a few minutes ago proudly stated that it was yours?" Tomoyo asked in confusion, remembering the pleasure in his voice as he asserted to all of them that he was the father when they were all in the guest room.

Syaoran looked down, tumult in his eyes. "It's…It's hard to explain," he said as he remembered that odd, but satisfied sensation as he thought of himself as a father. Yes, he did feel a sense of pride. A father. Him. His child was that little thing with the enormous aura. Sakura's child.

But then, when he started thinking of what it will do to her, to his love, to its own mother, he suddenly…couldn't make up his mind to love it. He looked at Sakura's hurt eyes desperately. "When I think of what it'll do to you…I…"

Suddenly Yelan cleared her throat interrupting her son as she felt certain auras coming their way. "It seems as if we have new guests." She looked at Sakura, a fatigued look in her eyes. "I believe the Elders have contacted your family and have brought them here right away. I'm guessing you haven't told them yet?"

Sakura stiffened. Her family. She hadn't even thought of their reaction to this. She had been so involved with trying to set things right with Syaoran that telling her family was the last thing on her mind.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and in walked three tall men and a flying stuffed doll. The one who had barged in had been no other than her brother, looking more enraged than usual. Behind him were Fujitaka and Yukito, looking at the people in the room in hesitation. Kero on the other hand was fuming as well, looking much like the angry Touya.

"We were told by the Elders that our presence was needed and we were suddenly brought here," Fujitaka said uncertainly, trying to gauge the situation.

Before anyone else can say anything, Touya had caught sight of the one person he had been seeking. The one person he had wanted to punish for the last few weeks. He strode over to Syaoran, grabbing his collar roughly as he menacingly pulled him closer.

"T-Touya!" Yukito exclaimed.

Sakura grabbed his brother's arm, uselessly trying to pull it away from Syaoran. "Onii-chan, stop it!"

Ignoring the people around him, the dark haired man glared angrily down at the boy in front of him who was simply glaring back up at him with intense amber eyes. "What else did you do to her you insensitive, little punk?" Touya snarled. "Do you know what kind of hell you put her through? And what kind of hell that had put _us_ through? I swear to God I will make you pay for hurting her. I won't forgive you. I _swear_ I won't forgive you–"

"You have a lot of explaining to do, brat," Kero interrupted as he landed on Touya's shoulder, backing him up. He would've done the exact same thing as Touya if it wasn't for his stubby, tiny hands. His usual cheerful stuffed doll expression had melted into a malicious look. "I don't think I'll ever let Sakura come within ten miles of you after–"

"Kero-chan! Onii-chan!"

Suddenly Touya and Kero backed away at the sound of the stern voice of the Card Mistress, still glaring at the boy. Yukito quickly pulled Touya and the sun guardian back, wanting to avoid a fight.

"What did he do to you now, Sakura?" Touya asked darkly, letting himself be pulled by his best friend but not taking his eyes of the brat.

"Touya!" Fujitaka scolded in disappointment. He sighed and turned to Sakura and Syaoran, who were standing a good few feet away from each other now. He gave a slight disapproving look at the amber eyed boy and turned to his daughter. "What's the meaning of this, Sakura? Although you've been here for weeks, we still have no answers. Why did you suddenly leave? And why are we suddenly here?"

Yukito nodded once he was sure Touya and Kero had calmed down a bit, wanting to know more of the situation as well. "We were intensely worried, Sakura-chan." He looked to Syaoran with an unreadable look before turning to Sakura with a worried face. "I had heard about everything and when Touya told me you had disappeared, I was at the airport on my way home. And when we suddenly heard some voices urging us that we were needed, I…feared the worse."

"I…I'm sorry," Sakura said guiltily, seeing their sincere, concerned faces. "I left because…I just had to…see Syaoran about something."

At the mention of his name, Syaoran looked down, trying to avoid her family's gaze.

"And that was more important than leaving us some form of indication where you were going?" Fujitaka asked, his voice stressed.

"I'm sorry," Sakura apologized again. She bowed her head in shame as she saw how much her sudden departure had hurt her father. She felt more ashamed that she had refused to speak to him the last two weeks since she's been here, making Eriol deal with them. They had been truly worried about her all this time. But truthfully she hadn't wanted to deal with them. She had only wanted to focus on talking to Syaoran, trying to figure things out. She felt horrible now though for being so selfish.

"So what was it all about, Sakura?" Kero asked, still glaring at the brat. "And why are we here now?"

Sakura sucked in a breath, as the others in the room stiffened. She looked at her family's faces as she took a deep breath, trying to build up her courage. "I…It's just that…well…"

Without warning, Syaoran quickly stepped in front of her, as if trying to protect her. "Kinomoto-san, Yukito-san, Touya-san, Kero…" he said sincerely, ignoring the intense stares he was receiving. "Before she says anything, I want to assure you that all of this is _my_ fault."

Touya growled and immediately tried to jump at him. Fortunately Yukito held him back. "So it _was_ something you did! I knew it! 'Fess up already so I can pound you to a bloody–"

Yukito sighed as he struggled to keep him back. "Touya, please! Calm down! Let them–"

"I'm pregnant."

The room full of people hushed at Sakura's words. She was breathing heavily, closing her eyes, knowing what was to come. She could picture her father's shame. The shocked expression on Yukito's face as his glasses dropped in surprise. The rage in both her brother's and Kero's eyes.

She opened her eyes slightly and indeed saw everything she had imagined. She gulped in hesitation as she felt Syaoran stiffen in front of her.

"Sakura," her father choked in disbelief, "are you…sure? How long have you…known?" His face was pale, looking more desolute than ever. It was a look of pure distress, something that is hardly ever seen on the usually calm man's face. However, this news was shocking to the core.

She gulped momentarily. "About five and a half weeks…" she muttered meekly, trying to look away from her father's gaze.

"Why you little–!" Before they knew it, Touya had leapt from Yukito's shocked and stiff hands. He snarled as he headed towards the one who was to blame for all of this. His anger unleashed as he tackled the amber eyed boy to the floor, pinning him down.

Syaoran felt the wind knocked out of him as he painfully fell to the floor, held down by a livid Touya who was cursing at him all the while. He struggled slightly but was stopped by an angry fist to the face.

"Damn you, Li!" Touya sneered, throwing more punches at the boy. "I'm gonna make sure you never touch my little sister again!"

During the exchange, all hell broke loose again. Kero jumped in on the mix, trying to bite Syaoran's skin, just realizing that new odd aura in the room. Eriol, Meiling, Yukito, and Syaoran's sisters tried to pull the scuffle apart. Yelan protectively held Sakura back, knowing instinctively that the girl would want to pull her brother off of Syaoran. Tomoyo was trying to comfort a shocked and speechless Fujitaka. This all continued for a good few minutes. It seemed as if nothing would stop the chaos.

Suddenly an unknown voice boomed throughout the room.

"ENOUGH!"

A sudden spark of white light flashed and Touya was suddenly frozen in his mid-punch. He struggled against the magic, still snarling at the bruised boy beneath him. However, the pause was enough time for the others to peel him off of Syaoran, who weakly got to his feet, panting and feeling his lip for blood.

"Yelan," the voice continued, dark and aged with wisdom.

"Yes, Elder Honghui?" Yelan answered into the air, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Keep these visitors under control while we have a word with Xiao Lang in our council hall."

She immediately turned to Syaoran, fear present in her eyes. He caught his mother's eye and his sore body stiffened.

"Of…Of course Elder Honghui."

After the voice had seemingly left them, all eyes were on Syaoran, especially those of his mother's, sisters', and Meiling. He knew what they were thinking. They were thinking that he was in some deep trouble to be called directly to the Elders' council hall. His face paled and he forgot the bloody nose and lip he had received from Touya. Every little pain had suddenly numbed away.

Sakura felt an uneasy feeling rise to her chest. The way that voice had sounded…she knew that something bad was going to happen. And this would be because she carried…Syaoran's baby? "I-I'll come with you," she immediately offered.

"No," Syaoran insisted. "You're staying here."

She shook her head. "But Syaoran–"

He looked at her firmly, his mind made up. "Promise me you'll stay here."

Sakura frowned and opened her mouth to protest before Yelan touched her shoulder. "It's best that you do stay, Sakura-chan," Syaoran's mother said gently. "They might get even angrier at him if you show up with him."

Feeling helpless, Sakura and the rest of the people in the room watched as Syaoran slowly trudged out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

* * *

**So they finally know! And furthermore, the secret is about to be revealed! Stay tuned guys! **

**I wasn't sure when exactly you could first feel someone's aura (I don't know many people who have magic haha). But i figured 5-6 weeks was good. I've been doing research for this fic and that's when organs start to develop in a fetus. It's also the earliest that the woman could get morning sickness as well.**

**This fic reached over 100 reviews! Thank you so much! Your support really means a lot to me! **


	8. Deciding

**Restraint**

**By:** pnaixrose

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary**: For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 8**: Deciding

Syaoran swallowed deeply, looking at the majestic door in front of him. It was usually forbidden to everyone, even him, except when people were given a special invitation to enter. The council room. The place where the Elders sat, discussing and resolving problems within the clan that the Li leader couldn't resolve himself. Problems that usually _involved_ the Li leader.

Raising a shaky hand to push the door open, Syaoran felt ridiculous. There was no need to be so frightened. It was just the Elders. He had spent his whole life training with them in combat. There was no reason to be nervous about simply seeing them. He shook his anxiety away and pushed the door open. The room was grand, gold and silver relics adorning the large room, enveloping the hall with an old, wizened, but bright atmosphere. There were marble pillars on either side of his path which led straight to those who held the highest position of the clan, aside from the leader. The ones who aided the leader as right hand men. The ones with the most magic, most power, and most experience. The Elders.

Syaoran walked determinedly down between the pillars towards that adorned high counter on the other side of the room. As he got closer, he could start to make out the distinct faces of his trainers.

Li Dai sat smugly in the middle, clad in his usual Li robes, obviously the one who was in charge. To his right sat Li Honghui, the voice he had heard back in his mother's study. Looking down disapprovingly at Syaoran, he was obviously much older than Li Dai, probably the oldest out of the three. His face was aged with wrinkles and a long, white beard embellished his chin. He was wearing traditional Li robes, a hood covering his bald head and part of his piercing eyes making his eyes look shifty in the shadows. Honghui was one of the strongest sorcerers in the clan. In fact, only Syaoran, having immense magic power himself, had the potential to best him once he fully developed his magic, though that time was certain to be far into the future. Finally on Dai's left sat Li Jianjun. Aged in between Dai and Honghui, Li Jianjun was the most talented martial artist among the three. Similarly to Dai, Jianjun did not seem as old as he really was. Underneath the robes was a toned and muscular body, developed from years of training.

Ignoring the anxiety that was threatening to flood his entire body, Syaoran finally stopped directly in front of the high counter and got on his knees. He bowed lowly, his forehead touching the carpet below him before he dared to look up.

"You summoned me?" he asked respectfully, his nose still to the floor.

"Look up, Xiao Lang. There is no time for this. And you know why you are here," Jianjun said impatiently, breaking years of traditional greetings. Jianjun, although the second oldest among the Elders at the age of eighty-two, was also the most liberal, most willing to listen to Syaoran's concerns. Of course, that didn't mean that he wasn't often overruled by the other Elders, nor did it mean that he wasn't somewhat strict himself.

Syaoran got up immediately, looking up directly into the eyes of his trainers. It was odd to see them in such a superior state when often he only saw them when he was facing them face to face during training.

"Explain to us what is happening here, Li Xiao Lang," Jianjun continued.

"Nonsense! We know exactly what had happened!" Honghui disrupted. It seemed as if the three had been arguing about Syaoran as soon as they had felt the new aura. "Xiao Lang has…has…"

"Disgraced the clan? Resigned the Card Mistress to die? Take your pick, Xiao Lang," Dai finished with a spiteful but composed tone of voice.

"How can you be so calm, Dai?" Honghui asked, his voice booming with distress. "Do you understand what he has _done_? The _Card Mistress_ of all people!"

Jianjun looked down maliciously at the leader. "You know as well as anyone in this clan that the Lis are supposed to _protect_ the Cards! Without the Card Mistress what do you think will happen to them?"

"Chaos!" Honghui shouted dismally. "Complete and utter chaos! You've created an imbalance in the world, Xiao Lang!"

"What on earth had compelled you to do such a thing? _Impregnating_ the Card Mistress?" Jianjun continued, disgusted at the mere thought. "It's simply preposterous! Out of all people, the Card Mistress–"

Syaoran, his teeth clenched the whole time, finally fed up with their banter. "Her _name_ is Sakura!"

The Elders looked down at him silently, almost surprised at his sudden outrage. Suddenly, the middle Elder started to laugh insanely, still holding that look of contempt in his eyes. He looked at Syaoran, laughing maliciously all the while.

"What in Clow Reed's name is wrong with you, Dai?" Honghui asked in disbelief. "There's a crisis here!"

Dai shook his head as the few last spiteful laughs spilled out of his throat. "Don't you see, my brothers? The way he defends her, the look of contempt and shame as you two ramble on," He looked down at Syaoran, his eyes flashing. "He _loves_ her."

The fact quieted the room as Syaoran looked up angrily into Dai's eyes, wanting to wipe that dangerous smirk off of his face.

"Xiao Lang, I understand how you feel, but you know that is impossible," Jianjun said, almost sadly.

"Don't pity him!" Honghui insisted, enraged at the gentleness in his fellow Elder's voice. "This silly, teenage emotion, this _love_ will destroy us! How many times have we told you, Xiao Lang, that a Li leader has responsibilities? And part of those responsibilities is to _not _let your emotions get the best of you!"

Syaoran looked away, shamed but not repentant. "I…I…"

"It's no use," Dai suddenly said, the laughter and smirk gone from his face. "Xiao Lang is weak. As weak as his father before him - maybe weaker," he spat cruelly. "Li leader responsibilities are of no interest to selfish little boys like he and his father. All they desire is to attain everything they possibly can, with no consideration to those they might hurt. Unfortunately the current line of Li leaders are simply weaklings. Weaklings and selfish children."

Syaoran's muscles tensed at the barrage of insults as he tried to contain himself.

* * *

In Yelan's study, people were more or less quiet, murmuring under their breaths about the situation. After Syaoran had left, it seemed as if the argument between everyone had momentarily stopped, ready to resume as soon as he returned.

Sakura had walked a good distance from everyone, insisting on being alone for now though many people wanted to speak with her especially her family. They obliged reluctantly only to ascertain that she would make sure to talk to them later. However, since Yelan wouldn't let her out of her sight, afraid that she would follow Syaoran, Sakura resigned herself to a spot next to the window. She looked out of it and saw the afternoon sun being covered by dozens of gray clouds.

Sighing, she slightly touched her stomach, seemingly the source of all the trouble. She still didn't understand. After everything. After all the arguments and screaming, she still didn't understand.

Syaoran was scared of hurting her? What could he possibly do to her? Why was he so set against loving her? Was it really so bad?

But then this morning, the shadow of a smile that had made its way to his lips when he had announced that indeed the baby was his, countered his explanation. He didn't seem like he was regretful or even ashamed then. He had seemed…nervous and maybe a little happy.

Sakura was feeling frustrated. Frustrated and tired - and being pregnant definitely didn't help. She had to figure out what was happening, why Syaoran was so conflicted. That was the main thing right now. She couldn't worry about what her family and friends thought about her pregnancy right now. Setting things straight with Syaoran was her mission and she was going to complete it today once and for all.

Suddenly, she inhaled sharply as she felt an odd unpleasant sensation run through her. It must've caught some of the others' attention because they quickly were at her side.

"Sakura?" Tomoyo asked in concern, "Are you okay? Are you in pain? Is the baby?"

Immediately, everyone turned towards them and looked on with worry.

Sakura slowly shook her head, the feeling of dread rising. "No…No it's not that…"

"What is it?" Meiling urged, touching Sakura's shoulder gently.

Her emerald eyes narrowed, trying to define what the sensation was. She couldn't explain it. It wasn't a physical pain. It was a feeling. A feeling that something horrible was about to happen. Suddenly she realized that it was warning her.

She shook her head, grasping the notion that Syaoran was in trouble. Her face paled.

"Sakura?" Tomoyo said urgently.

"Fly!"

Before they knew it, wings had sprouted from her back and she rushed out the room, flying full speed towards the familiar green aura that was facing impending trouble.

* * *

Dai clenched his teeth as he looked down at Syaoran, his eyes flashing. "I've had it with the weaklings that we have been unfortunate enough to have as leaders of our clan. This is the last straw. I think it's time for some punishment."

"Dai, let's not get our personal demons get in our way," Jianjun tried to say, as if he knew the real reason for his sudden anger. "As much as he was warned not to, it's impossible to stop someone's love."

Even Honghui looked uncertain. "Besides, it looks as if he had taken enough punishment from the Card Mistress's brother!"

Jianjun nodded, trying to appease his companion. "Being his martial arts master, I know that Syaoran out of all people could have countered or dodged that man's initial attack, but he took it willingly! He wanted to _receive_ punishment, don't you see? Isn't that a respectable–"

"Nonsense! I vowed that will not let another leader get away with hurting someone with his so called _love_!" Dai sneered, suddenly standing.

Abruptly, he pulled out a talisman with Chinese characters written all over it. In a dark voice, he quickly muttered a Chinese incantation, his eyes still piercing through Syaoran's. A familiar magic circle surrounded the floor around him as his long, graying hair started to float at the amount of magic he was exuding.

All at once, Syaoran felt his head burning after a rush of magic had hit him, being shocked with what felt like a million bolts. He grabbed his head, as he staggered to his knees at the sharp, relentless pain that filled his brain. He yelled, his piercing scream echoing off the walls of the majestic room. But he couldn't even hear it as he clutched onto his head, trying to endure the pain that was threatening to rip his skull apart.

His eyes tried to focus to no avail. He vaguely saw the figures of the Elders, the one in the middle still holding that cursed piece of yellow paper in his fingers, as the other two desperately tried to stop his incomprehensible chants.

Syaoran's vision blurred as he agonizingly screamed and writhed in pain. He finally fell to the cold floor, his head still feeling as if it was going to be split open.

It was unendurable. It was as if the pain was pushing him towards insanity.

"Shield!"

Suddenly the sharpness was stopped and he lay on the carpeted floor, shaking and drenched with sweat. His mind felt numb and he tried to refocus his eyesight. A warm hand was placed on his cheek, calming him.

"Syaoran! Syaoran!" a voice called out in desperation.

He suddenly grew angry with what little awareness he had, knowing whom the voice belonged to. "Sakura," he said, breathing hard, still trying to fully refocus. "I told you to stay put!"

Sakura ignored him and turned her angry eyes towards the three men in front of her who were struck at the sight. She heard quick footsteps behind as the rest of the occupants of Yelan's study tried to catch up with her.

"Are you crazy, Sakura?" she heard behind her. It was no doubt no other than Kero. "Don't do such rash things!"

Ignoring him too, Sakura stood, leaving Syaoran's impaired body momentarily. Defiantly, her emerald orbs darkened as she looked at the three Elders, anger written all over her body. For some reason, her tiredness had disappeared and although she had used magic, her fury fueled her so that she could still stand. "_This_ is how you treat your leader? Your _relative_?"

"Sakura, stop," Syaoran hissed as he tried to force himself to stand, still feeling the after effects of Dai's torturing magic. The most he was able to do was pick his head up from the floor. "Please!" he pleaded, scared for her.

Dai's eyes flashed dangerously at the little girl in front of him. "Why you insolent, little–"

"NO!"

Just as a rush of magic was about to reach Sakura's small frame, a body had carelessly thrown itself in front of her, its arms spread open, trying to protect her. Her emerald orbs widened as she heard his tormented scream reach her ears once again. As he buckled to the floor wincing, she felt her heart rip at his pain.

"Syaoran!"

Finally, Jianjun and Honghui managed to rip Dai's gaze from the writhing Syaoran, long enough to tear the talisman from his hands. Breathing heavily, Dai glared at leader who had finally stopped screaming in pain as his two companions held him back.

Sakura knelt next to him, tears in her eyes as she helped him up. His eyes were darkened with anger and his body looked bruised and sore even though nothing physical had even touched him. "Syaoran? Are you okay?"

But his eyes weren't focused on her. They were turned to the three elderly men who were standing behind a grand table.

Syaoran finally managed to stand up straight, leaning against Sakura. "Don't you _ever -_ _EVER -_ aim your magic at her," the leader said threateningly, his voice low with fury. "You _will_ regret it."

No one moved after hearing the threat erupt from his throat. The crowd waiting behind Syaoran and Sakura waited impatiently, all on edge, as Syaoran and the head Elder seemed to glare at each other sharply. The feeling of animosity rose in the air.

It was silent before Dai suddenly spoke, his tone spiteful. "You think you're so courageous, _protecting_ her from me. As if _I'm_ the one she needs protecting from!"

"Dai, I think that is enough!" Yelan suddenly said, stepping up between Syaoran and the Elders. Her face with tinted with a fiery red as she looked accusingly at Dai. "_Torture_ is something that the Li clan does not condone anymore! It has been centuries since _anyone_ was allowed use of that spell! That includes you as well!"

Dai was silent a while before he answered, his eyes defiant. "The pain I inflicted on him is no stronger than the pain he will inflict on the Card Mistress…and all the people standing behind her."

Confused, Sakura felt Syaoran stiffen as he looked away at the floor. Yelan too avoided Dai's gaze.

Realization seemed to dawn upon the head Elder. "Don't tell me that you haven't told them yet, Xiao Lang," his voice deep with disbelief. "You haven't told them of the Card Mistress's fate?" He took Syaoran's silence as a "no" and shook his head in incredulity. "The Card Mistress is _pregnant_ with _your_ child and you haven't told them of what would happen!"

Syaoran was still silent, feeling the shame once again seep into his bones.

"What is it? Please, tell me!" Sakura begged Syaoran quietly.

"Yes!" Dai's voice boomed. "Tell them! Look at her and confess! Turn around and tell her father, her brother, her beloved friends what will happen!"

Syaoran slowly looked up, pale as he can possibly be, and turned weakly to Sakura, pulling his body away from her and feeling the crowd behind him listening intently. He looked at her concerned eyes and felt disgusted. He didn't deserve her concern. He didn't even deserve to be in her sight.

But he had to tell her. Once and for all. It was time.

"Sakura…" he said, pain evident in his voice as he looked at her sadly. He tried to get the words out. He tried to figure out the right things to say. How could there even be right words for his guilt and shame?

Sakura looked at him quietly, feeling as if dread was just a moment away. But she urged him to continue. She wanted to know. She wanted to comfort him, no matter what it was. She would help him get through it. She _had_ to.

"My mother died giving birth to me," he said slowly, not knowing how else to start his explanation. He saw her eyes flicker in confusion towards Yelan's saddened figure and he shook his head. "Li Yelan isn't my birth mother. She isn't my sisters' either."

Sakura's eyebrows knitted in bewilderment, not understanding what this had to do with her.

"My mother died giving birth to me, as my father's mother died giving birth to him, as his father's mother died giving birth to him," Syaoran continued, looking at Sakura's expression carefully while hardly breathing. His teeth gritted as he said his next words. "Any woman who has…who has bore the heir of the clan has…"

Suddenly Sakura's eyes widened with shock. Her mouth dropped slightly and her stare became completely blank. Syaoran knew that she understood now due to her tense stance and her paled face. Ashamed, he looked away quickly, not wanting to see her reaction any longer.

"The one who bears the Li heir dies," Dai asserted with finality, his voice deep and echoing throughout the hall. He looked gravely at the auburn haired girl in front of him. "If that baby that you and Xiao Lang have made is male, if it is the Li clan heir…you'll die giving birth to it."

Sharp intakes of breath were heard around the hall as an uneasy stillness enveloped them, taking in the new information. Sakura felt numb, as if someone had injected her with a dose of anesthesia. She didn't even breathe as she stared vacantly at the man in front of her. Everything else in the room except his messy, brown hair, amber eyes, and defeated figure seemed to blur into an unintelligible mess.

She was going to…die? Just because she had…finally given everything to the one person she loved? Just because of this baby inside of her?

"Th-There must be a mistake!" Eriol insisted, his uneven tone proof of his shock.

"All the women who had bore the Li heir thus far have succumbed to this," Yelan confirmed, her voice deep and hurt-filled. "We've been trying to hide it for ages, keeping it within the immediate family and the Elders. Of course, people have caught on with the fact, but we simply assure them that the deaths were due to hardships during labor."

"Haven't you done something to stop it?" Yukito asked shakily. It seemed that everyone else besides Eriol and him were still in shock, trying to assess the situation. "Why does something like this happen?"

Jianjun sighed, crossing his arms in frustration. "We've tried. For centuries scholars have tried to figure it out, but with no success whatsoever." He looked momentarily at Eriol. "As you can tell, even Clow's reincarnation doesn't have an explanation."

"There has to be more that we can do!" Kero was saying, his tiny body trembling as his mind flashed with memories with his Card Mistress, his best friend. He floated shakily over to Sakura's shoulder, as if he wanted to make sure she was still there. His small paw gripped onto her still head and hair. "We can't just…just let this happen so easily!"

"This…This can't be happening…" Meiling blubbered, having to take a step back. Her breathing became heavy as everything started to make sense. This was the secret they've been hiding. This was why they had wanted Syaoran to stay away from Japan, from Sakura. They had wanted to make sure that she wouldn't be…a victim of this…this curse! "This is…horrifying!"

"Surely there's another way!" Tomoyo suddenly persisted, her usually calm voice cracking. Her amethyst eyes locked on her best friend's figure, feeling as if Sakura was already slipping away. "Surely, Sakura…Sakura doesn't have to..."

"Technically, it's not for certain that the Card Mistress will die," Honghui suddenly said. Everyone jumped at his last word. "If she is pregnant with a girl–"

"We will not even take the _risk_!" Eriol snapped, infuriated. "Don't treat this like a _game_!"

His words left the Elders speechless as silence overtook the occupants of the room once again. Sakura was still in a trance, looking at Syaoran who was simply looking back at her evenly, shame written all over his face.

"Kinomoto-san? Kinomoto-san!" Shiefa suddenly said, breaking the silence. Everyone looked anxiously towards her, frightened by her worried tone of voice. She, who had been closest to Fujitaka, had hurried over to him. He looked dangerously pale, and if a sudden illness had suddenly racked his body. He, similarly to Sakura, was blankly staring into space, no doubt realizing what was to become of his only daughter.

Close beside him, Touya's body started to shake dangerously. His livid eyes were covered by his long hair and his palms had been balled into fists. Everyone looked towards him, as if they felt an aura of pure hatred and anger radiating from his skin.

He looked up slightly and caught eyes with the young Li leader a few feet in front of him. "You…You knew about this…before…and you still…"

Syaoran hesitated, a pained look flooding his face. He closed his eyes, anticipating the hate that would be directed towards him. He let his head nod slightly, trying to ready himself for his punishment.

"You…BASTARD!"

Suddenly Syaoran doubled in pain, clutching onto the stomach that Touya had just hit with an unimaginable force. The Li leader fell to his knees, grimacing, but before he even had a chance to breathe, he felt someone yank roughly at his hair and found himself face to face with Touya. The older man snarled at him angrily, indecipherable screams and yells filling his ears as people tried desperately to pull the man off of him.

Syaoran groaned once more in pain as he received a right hook to the face, not defending himself in the least. He staggered to the floor, but just as Touya was about to jump on him, Yukito, Meiling, and Eriol were able to hold him back for the second time that day.

Syaoran clenched his teeth as he forced himself to look up at the livid figure of the chocolate-haired man. Touya was still snarling, spitting, and cursing at him, his eyes wide reddened with rage.

"Touya! Stop it!" Yukito yelled as his best friend struggled against his arms.

"Get the hell off of me, Yukito!" Touya spat. "Get the hell off of me so that punk can get what he deserves!"

"This won't solve anything!"

"I don't care!" The older brother's voice was cracked with desperation as he glared at the teen still sitting on the floor. "I _trusted_ you! We _all_ trusted you! The only thing I demanded of you was that you take care of her! Protect her!" Touya growled in anger. "And you couldn't even do that!"

Syaoran's eyes widened at the truth of Touya's accusation. He was speechless. Touya was right. Suddenly he wanted them to let him go so that he could throw even more punches at him. He deserved punishment. He deserved something greater than punishment, greater than death.

He deserved to suffer.

"Now look at what you did to her!" Touya's voice was laced with such pain and agony that Syaoran felt a physical sting as the man glared down at him. "You're going to let her die! No, you're going to _kill_ her! You were_ willing_ to kill her to fulfill your own selfish, perverted–"

"She doesn't have to die."

The comment silenced the room once again, even catching Sakura's and her father's attentions. They all looked up at the one who spoke. Li Dai. He was looking down at all of them gravely, the other two Elders looking weary as if they already knew what he was going to propose.

"H-How?" Tomoyo asked hopefully, her timid voice almost unheard.

Dai's amber eyes narrowed, looking straight at Sakura's eyes. "Easy. Exterminate the baby immediately."

Suddenly Syaoran's body tensed, his amber orbs widening. That possibility hadn't even come to mind. To him, the only option had been to have the baby, killing Sakura in the process.

But then…his insides dropped. Killing the baby? _His_ baby?

Did it really have to come down to this? Kill his child…or kill his love?

At the suggestion, Sakura had immediately felt the numbing sensation all over again. Have an abortion? Kill…her child? The child that she has quickly grown to instinctively protect? The suggestion stunned her. She had never even thought of it. She had never even bothered to consider it! Her emerald eyes narrowed at once as her hands flew up to her stomach as if they would shield her baby from the horrible notion.

This was her child. Syaoran's child. There was no way…they could make her do that!

"NO!" she screamed in anger as the people around her were just about to open their mouths to comment. "Absolutely not!"

Floating off of her shoulder, Kero glided so that he faced her, a sincere look on his face. "But Sakura it's the only way…"

Horrified at Kero's words, she swiped him away. "No!" she repeated determinedly. People from behind were approaching her from behind and she furiously faced them, her emerald eyes bright with anger as she saw that they wanted to change her mind.

"Sakura-chan," Fuutie was saying, "I know this must be hard but–"

"Just listen," Shiefa said, "This is the only chance you'll have. And it's still pretty early in the pregnancy so–"

Sakura closed her eyes, tears sprouting from them. How could they want that…to happen to her child? "NO!"

Suddenly Tomoyo stepped up to her, looking weary. Sakura slowly shook her head at her, feeling betrayed by her best friend. "Sakura…if you don't…"

Eriol came up behind the raven-haired girl, sadly looking away. Sakura felt another stab in the back as she saw his complying face. "This seems like the only option…"

"Y-You guys don't really want this…do you?" she responded slowly, backing away from them, disbelievingly. She turned to someone, _anyone_ for support. Her eyes came upon Meiling, who turned her head quietly, signaling her acceptance of Elder's proposal. Frantically, Sakura looked at Yukito who looked down pleadingly at her, begging her to acquiesce. Yelan and her daughters too were silently edging her to comply.

Sakura's eyes landed on her brother and father and she was appalled to see their begging faces as well. "No…not you, too…" she said quietly. She ran to her brother, grabbing onto the front of his shirt. Tears were pouring down her face as desperation was taking a hold on her. "Onii-chan…this is…this is my _child_!"

With a clenched jaw, he looked away. "It's going to _kill_ you, Sakura."

Ripping herself away from him, she turned to her father, the person whom she had been sure would be on her side. The one who has always been so understanding, so unbiased on every occasion. "Otou-san, _please_," she begged hopefully. "I can't…!"

"Sakura," he said stonily. "I know it's a hard decision. I won't _tell_ you what to do, but…" Fujitaka sighed, looking as if he had aged ten years in just one minute. "…I hope – I'm _pleading_ you – with all my heart…that you choose…to live."

A sob escaping her, Sakura backed away, shaking her head. She saw her father's upset expression and her brother's pained face. But she wouldn't let them convince her. She _couldn't_.

Her friends. Her family. They were all against her. They didn't understand how she couldn't simply…kill it. It was a part of her. She _needed_ to protect it. She _needed_ it to live…even if it meant _she_ couldn't.

Sakura was trembling greatly, so much that she almost couldn't stand properly. She whipped her head to face the one person that she was sure would support her. Her eyes caught with amber ones. He had to understand. After all, it was his child, too.

She approached his stoic figure with hope, his expression blank. "Syaoran…you understand, right?" She took another step. "Surely _you_ understand that I can't do such a thing."

She froze as she saw his hesitation, feeling her hope sink away. "Sakura…" he said wearily.

Sakura shook her head slowly, her face contorting into anguish. "No!" She ran into his body, clutching onto his shirt desperately, tears flooding down her cheeks, feeling weak and helpless. Their friends and family looked on at the scene, feeling their hearts wrench. "Syaoran, please!"

Pained, he stiffened at her touch, wanting so much to wrap his arms around her, to tell her that it was okay. But this new option…aborting it – the baby that he had learned to unconditionally care for as soon as he had felt that new light green aura – …could save her life. He was conflicted. He didn't know what to say.

"Syaoran, please!" she begged, tear-filled eyes looking up at him. "It's part of you! You feel it, right? The aura it emits? It…It's _us_! How can you even _think_ of…of…killing it!"

His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he took in her tortured face. "I know…I know! I want it to live…But Sakura," he said desperately, "you might…"

"I don't care about me!" she protested, screaming and burying her face into his shirt.

Suddenly strong arms enveloped her as Syaoran's willpower finally broke. "But _I_ do! Sakura, don't you understand how…how my life will fall apart if you die!" His arms held her closer, stronger, as if he was scared that she'd disappear right then and there. "I can't let anything happen to you! If there's something that will save you then–"

She suddenly looked up at him, her wet but determined eyes melting into his. "Do you love me?"

Syaoran looked at her despairingly. "Sakura…"

"Do you love me!"

"Of course I do!" he insisted, his voice reverberating off the walls of the hall.

Her determined expression slowly melted into a small smile. Syaoran was caught off guard by it and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Then…" Sakura whispered, her voice suddenly filled with defiance. "Then I won't die."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"We will overcome this! Our _love_ will overcome this! I know it will!"

Syaoran slowly shook his head in disbelief. "Sakura…you can't depend on something like that…"

She frowned at his little faith, almost hurt by it. "We've been through so much, Syaoran! It can't fail us now!"

A spiteful laugh was heard and Sakura and Syaoran looked toward Dai, who was taking in the current circumstances with malice. He sneered disbelievingly at them, confident that the Card Mistress was mistaken. "You really believe _you_ can break the curse that has ravaged our clan for years? You and your simple-minded _love_?"

Sakura turned from him, ignoring him, and buried her head into Syaoran's chest, feeling certain and warm.

He on the other hand was with doubtful. "Sakura…No…I will never forgive myself if…if I kill you like this." His embrace tightened as he buried his nose in her hair, closing his eyes tight. "As much as I…want the baby to live, to grow…as much as I want to watch and help it grow…I can't stand by and watch your life end."

Sakura shook her head, still buried in Syaoran's comforting scent. "You can try to stop me, but I've already made up my mind. I'm keeping it…and I plan on raising it…with you."

"It's impossible," he ascertained, stiffening. "If it lives, being together and living on together is unfeasible."

She looked up at him then, seeing his pained face. Suddenly the brightest, most assured smile spread on her lips, catching his breath. It was so sure, so hope-filled, so confident…

…that for a moment even he started to believe in her words.

"Don't worry, Syaoran. _Surely everything will be alright_."

* * *

**Alright so it's all out in the open now (finally lol)!**

**By the way, I'm not trying to promote pro-life or trying to say that I'm not pro-choice. Everything that is related to that in this fic is purely for the purpose of the plot and Sakura's character.  
**

**Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews guys!  
**


	9. Dreaming

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary: **For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 9:** Dreaming

Tomoyo meekly entered the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind her. Sighing tiredly, she looked up to meet her boyfriend's concerned face and she forced a smile upon her own face. The sun had just set and although it was still fairly early, Tomoyo had finally eased Sakura into sleep. In her condition, Sakura hadn't been able to stay up any longer. She had been feeling extremely tired for the past few days and it would be bad for her to force herself to stay awake any longer. She needed a rest. Furthermore, the day's events, from having to reveal to everyone about the pregnancy to learning about the Li secret, had left her tired. The stress was bad for her…and bad for the baby…

But maybe…doing things that was bad for the baby…was good? After all, if Sakura was to get a miscarriage, then…

Ashamed, the girl shook her head slightly, ignoring Eriol's troubled frown. How could she think that way? Even if it would save Sakura's life, silently hoping that her child would die in such a way was…horrific.

"Angel, are you okay?" Eriol asked as he embraced her, feeling concerned at her distressed expression. He felt her body ease as his warmth enveloped her.

She nodded, grateful for his love. Everything that they had found out today was just so…shocking. Just trying to piece all their knowledge together, trying to make sense of it all was tiring.

Behind them, Tomoyo noticed a pensive Meiling who was looking blankly into the air. "Are you okay, Meiling?" Tomoyo asked, pulling away slightly from Eriol.

The girl sighed, awakened from her daydream. She had never dreamed that something like this had been happening. She didn't even know her Aunt Yelan…wasn't her _real_ aunt. She had never met Syaoran's real mother, hadn't even heard that his birth mother had died. The notion hadn't even passed through her mind. The secrets imbedded in the Li clan were…troubling indeed.

And although she knew it was selfish, she just couldn't help but think about how…_she_ had been engaged to Syaoran years ago. And knowing the secret, the Elders and Yelan had…_encouraged_ it. Did they just want to use her? Had she been a pawn?

"I'm fine," Meiling answered shakily. "Just tired."

Tomoyo nodded sympathetically and then looked around the hall, surprised to see that it was empty except for them. "Where are the Kinomotos? And the Lis? And…Syaoran?"

"When we were dismissed from the hall," Eriol explained, "the Elders had requested that Syaoran stay for a bit. The Kinomotos and the guardians wanted to talk to Syaoran privately so they are waiting for him. As for the Lis, I'm guessing they all dispersed."

It was quiet for some time before Meiling finally sighed. "We need to talk to Syaoran," she stated, saying the words that the other two were quietly thinking.

Both Tomoyo and Eriol silently nodded in agreement, musing about the day's events. They finally understood where Syaoran was coming from. They finally understood his actions, his struggle.

Syaoran's cruelty, coldness, and aloofness…they were all masks that he put on in order to hide the fact that he wanted to protect Sakura.

He hadn't changed at all as they had thought he had. He'd been the same all this time.

Trying to protect Sakura at all costs, even distancing himself from her in order to do so.

Li Syaoran had been trying to be a martyr for her.

* * *

"Why are we waiting for that little punk?" a large tan beast said as he stretched. His animalistic eyes were frozen in a narrowed state as he felt his anger towards the Li leader heighten.

He, his fellow moon guardian, and the Kinomoto men were waiting impatiently outside the door leading into the council hall. Adorned chairs and expensive looking sofas scattered around the room, as if people in the past had waited here for an imperative decision from the Elders. However, their current group was too on edge to sit. It had only been a few minutes but already Keroberos was feeling antsy. No doubt, the new knowledge they had acquired all throughout the day contributed to his anxiousness.

"So we can punch the lights out of him, naturally," Touya grunted with a scowl. He looked to the pale guardian next to him who was clad in white. "You finally showed up, eh Yue? You wanted to clobber the brat too?"

Yue's usual blank expression had contorted into one of an agonized glower. Indeed, the moon guardian felt a growing animosity towards a certain Li. He was appalled. After all, Li had known what would happen if he and Sakura had…and yet…he still…

Yue visibly tensed, his anger rising. It was the answer that Touya expected.

"I say I hold him down so you two can clobber him freely," Keroberos suggested maliciously, bearing his fangs with a sneer. "We can–"

"Stop it, all of you." The stern voice had stopped them, making them all turn towards a noticeably anguished father. Fujitaka sighed, his face still pale from the day's information, as he took off his glasses to rub his weary eyes. "Syaoran-kun…Syaoran-kun is a good man. Please don't let your anger get in the way of your knowledge of his decency."

Touya frowned, his eyebrows knitted in anger. "But, Otou-san!" he insisted, his palms balling into fists. He didn't understand how his father could still feel as if he needed to defend that little bastard! His father should be as livid as he was right now! "He…He got Sakura pregnant!" His teeth clenched at the mere thought of it. "And he was fully aware of what might happen if he did!"

"How can you be so forgiving?" Keroberos asked incredulously. "Your only daughter…might _die_ because of him!" The statement quieted the room at once.

Fujitaka looked determinedly at all of them, his moral instinct taking over. "I _trusted_ Syaoran. I still do. He loves her with all his heart, as she loves him."

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Yue said suddenly, speaking for the first time.

"And sometimes it is!" the father asserted. He looked painfully at the floor. "I…I admit that…I feel wholly frightened by the fact that my daughter might…" His words faded, as if he was scared of saying the mere word aloud. But he then looked up, a stubborn look in his eyes. "But it's not Syaoran-kun's fault. I don't blame him in the least bit."

Touya's eyes held a look of disbelief. "How could you not!"

Fujitaka looked sternly at his son. "How would you feel if you were denied to love? How would you feel if the only person you loved with all your heart…would suffer because of the mere fact that you loved her?" His eyes softened behind his glasses, seeing his son's silenced expression. "Li Syaoran…loves Sakura. His actions of trying to leave her in order to protect her, of trying to deny himself of loving her those many weeks ago_ prove_ his love for her. Yet it's impossible to ignore such a powerful emotion. As much self-discipline and moral value he has…even _he_ couldn't stop loving her."

The three other occupants of the room were quieted at the words. They knew deep in their hearts that what Fujitaka said was true. Li Syaoran is a good man who was only trying to protect Sakura by hurting her. Although hurting her maybe hadn't been the best solution, he was trying to protect her all the same. However, his emotions had been too strong. Kero, Yue and Touya honestly knew that this was the truth. Yet, they just couldn't accept them…not when there was a chance that Sakura might die.

Keroberos sighed. "But now…"

"Now we have to believe in them," Fujitaka insisted, his tone of voice quiet and determined. "Sakura believes in him, in his love. And she wants the child. She sincerely believes that their love for each other will help get them through this." He looked evenly at all of their unsure faces. "We have to believe in her as well."

* * *

Syaoran felt sweat drip from his forehead as he looked up at the Elders, eyes wide. How could they demand this of him? How could they possibly expect him to follow through with this order?

"Did you hear us, Xiao Lang?" Honghui asserted forcibly, irritated at Syaoran's silence. "You are to distance yourself from the Card Mistress at all costs. You are to make _sure_ that you treat her with as much cruelty as you possibly can."

Jianjun looked sadly at his pupil, seeing the strain in his amber eyes. "I'm afraid it's the only way, Xiao Lang," he whispered. "You must think of the consequences that will occur if she dies. The world will be imbalanced. The Cards will create chaos, more chaos than they ever did before."

"If it comes to that then I'll take care of it! I'll capture them again! I'll pay the consequences!" Syaoran insisted, pleading with them even though the thought of the Cards' mistress dying was the last thing he wanted to think about.

Honghui looked down at him with distaste. "You have been taught the origins and qualities of the Cards. You should know that Clow hadn't planned another Card Mistress or Master for another few centuries. This is because the time lapse between each Card Master gives the Cards time to both simmer down and then strengthen their power once again. However, if the current Card Mistress dies an unnatural or unexpected death, the Cards will go on a rampage. Their power and anger won't subside for centuries. No one will be strong enough to withhold them." The Elder looked despairingly at the leader. "You won't be able to capture them. Even _I_ won't be able to capture them."

"This is why the Li clan – the Li _leader_ – was given the duty to protect the one who controls the Cards," Jianjun said wearily, "if he wasn't the Card master himself, which you aren't."

Syaoran looked away, teeth clenched. It was ironic. He was supposed to protect her, protect the world. Instead, because of his feelings, he had destined them both to obliteration.

It was because of his selfishness. It was because of his weakness.

"That's why you must _stop_ this silly _love_ of yours as soon as possible," Dai spat, speaking for the first time since the others had left. "If the Card Mistress is convinced that the source of her hope has vanished, there is a good chance that she…will be willing to abort the child."

Syaoran stiffened at his words. Sakura loved the baby. She believed wholeheartedly that she would survive, that their love for each other would help them. He had been starting to believe…that maybe she was right. They had been through so much. Surely, they would be able to get through this as well.

Besides, maybe he didn't want to succumb to his duty anymore. Maybe he finally wanted to achieve the happiness that he has always desired!

"But it must be done as soon as possible," Honghui was saying. "If we wait too long, there will be many complications."

"It doesn't matter!" Dai shouted in protest. "As long as she complies, our doctors will take care of it!"

"That's a huge risk you're taking," Jianjun said, musing aloud. "But maybe, if you are so confident that our doctors can perform an abortion despite how late it might be, we can wait until we know the gender before we actually follow through with this plan." He looked down at Syaoran. "Then Xiao Lang doesn't have to cut himself off from the girl in order to coax her into wanting to exterminate it."

"That might actually work," Honghui agreed. "Although the Card Mistress is stubborn, if we give her the condition that we wait until we find the gender, maybe she will–"

"She won't," Syaoran suddenly growled.

"Then you'll just have to _make _her accept the condition," Dai demanded, eyes flashing. "It's either that or urging her to have an abortion by distancing yourself from her."

Syaoran's amber eyes narrowed. "I will do neither."

"Xiao Lang," Jianjun said with exasperation. "Please, try to understand–"

"Either option, Sakura still might have to abort the baby. I know that she will accept none of your terms if aborting the baby is involved," Syaoran insisted. His body eased and his eyes softened as he thought back to those convincing emerald eyes. "Besides…I believe in her. I believe in us."

Dai growled, standing up from his seat in fury. "Are you insane, Xiao Lang! You can't depend on this idiotic emotion! You _will_ make the Card Mistress accept our terms! If not, you _will_ distance yourself from her!"

Syaoran's eyes flashed angrily. "No!"

"Xiao Lang," Honghui asserted, "as your Elders–"

"Well as _your_ leader, I am putting my foot down," the boy snarled. "I will not _force_ Sakura, either directly or indirectly, to do anything! This is _her_ decision! And _I'm_ deciding to believe in her!"

Jianjun was shaking his head sadly, his wizened eyes filled with grief. "This is too risky, Xiao Lang. I know you love her but this is not just about you two! This is the whole country, the whole world, we're trying to protect as well!"

"You have your duties as leader!" Dai roared. "Think about the world! Your family! _Her_ family! Think of the pain you'll put _them _through!" The Elder shut his eyes, as if trying to block out a distant past. He was shaking, looking unusually anxious. "Do you want to resign them to…to missing their lost loved one for the rest of their lives? Do you want them to suffer?"

The room was silent after Dai's unexpected outburst. Syaoran felt confused by his Elder's unusual display of grief. However, he had made up his mind and no one was going to change it. He believed wholeheartedly in Sakura. He had to cling onto the happiness that loomed in front of him. He had to try to reach for it. He couldn't resign himself to living a life without her. He couldn't resign himself to think of her as…dead.

"No…I don't want them – _anyone_ – to suffer," he said quietly, catching the Elders' attention again. Syaoran looked defiantly up at them, amber eyes blazing with determination. "But I _love_ Kinomoto Sakura. And I have made up my mind to fight for her. I will _never_ let her die. And I don't care who stands in our way. I _will_ continue to love her. I _will_ raise my child with her. I _will_ live together with them, protecting them _both_, for the rest of my life!"

The teenager continued to stare evenly at the doubtful faces and took the silence as his cue to leave. He stalked off down between the enormous pillared path and exited the council hall, letting the huge door slam behind him.

The Elders could see that he had made up his mind as they watched his figure disappear.

Jianjun sighed in frustration. "What do we do now? We've gone down this road before, haven't we Hongui?"

The great sorcerer nodded, his cloaked hood still covering his weary face. "We believed in the late Li leader…look where that led us," he said. "And this situation is much more delicate than that time. This situation involves the world's balance on the line."

"That just means we coerce Xiao Lang to do our bidding at all costs," Dai declared, his voice steady and deep.

"Are you sure, Dai?" Jianjun asked uneasily. "We're not a clan based on manipulation. And he _is_ our leader after all."

Dai closed his eyes, thinking back to his past. The tinkle of a little girl's laugh filled his ears. Images of her beautiful amber eyes flooded his mind. Anguish too unbearable for words racked his body. It was followed by an indescribable hatred towards a certain deceased man.

He would never forgive Li Chen. Never.

"I'm sure," Dai said, his eyes still closed. "After all, I became an Elder vowing to _never_ let another woman fall victim to the irresponsibility of our Li leader. I vowed that _love_ will never destroy another woman, another family."

The other Elders were silent, feeling the heartbreak emitting from their youngest companion. His words struck them, letting them experience just a twinge of the agony he had been hiding behind his tough frame all this time. Li Dai slowly opened his amber eyes, images of his daughter still flooding his mind.

"Like father, like son," he heard Honghui mutter.

Dai shook his head. "Xiao Lang is indeed much like his father." His eyes softened, the hate somewhat disappearing. He thought back to Syaoran's defiant amber eyes and his determined words. "But he is much like his mother as well."

Jianjun and Honghui sucked in a breath at his words, looking at each other uneasily. They tried, unsuccessfully, to say something comforting as Dai stood there, lost in his painful memories.

* * *

Syaoran sighed with fatigue as he opened the council door. The day had proved to be tiring. All he wanted to do was see a certain girl and fall asleep at her side, watching over her all the while.

Actually, he wanted to watch over _them_. It still hadn't fully hit him that she was carrying a little person inside of her…a person who was just as much a part of Syaoran as it was a part of Sakura.

Suddenly, Syaoran stopped in his tracks as he slammed the enormous door behind him. Two men and two guardians stood there in front of him, waiting for his arrival. It seems that Yukito had transformed into Yue and Kero had transformed into his real form. The two men of the Kinomoto family stood there stiffly, the younger one with his arms crossed and a scowl frozen on his face.

Syaoran swallowed uneasily as silence enveloped them all for a moment. He met their blank stares evenly, knowing what he must do.

Slowly, he got on his knees, still a few feet away from the group. He bowed his head low, touching it to the floor.

"Kinomoto-san, Kinomoto-kun, Yue, Kero…" he said gravely, "I am truly sorry for everything I have done. I know nothing I say or do will ever make up for my actions and I do not expect your forgiveness, but…" His amber eyes closed in sincerity. "I hope you know that no matter what, I'll always be fighting for your daughter, your sister, your master. I will do everything in my power to save her!"

There was silence for a while as the men analyzed him carefully, knowing in their hearts that his words were genuine. Even Touya and Kero had to admit that their hate for the brat had lessened just a tiny bit. Their previous schemes to attack the Li had disappeared and had been replaced with the plan to silently hold a grudge against him for the rest of the brat's life.

Finally, Fujitaka let out a full-blown smile. "Syaoran-kun, please stand," he urged gently, his eyes calm behind his wide-rimmed glasses.

The boy do as he was ordered, stumbling as he got to his feet in a hurry. He watched, his anxiety rising, as Sakura's father approached him. The others behind him were standing there, still somewhat on edge. Syaoran was sure that they would never forgive him, never accept him as good enough for Sakura. And he didn't blame them in the least bit.

Fujitaka turned slightly to the others behind him and gave them an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. May I have a moment with Syaoran-kun?"

Gruffly, his son and the guardians obliged, giving one last wary look to the teen before stalking off down the hall. As their footsteps faded, Syaoran looked up evenly at the placid face of Fujitaka.

The guilt from his actions was still racking his body, especially as the older man looked down at him with a calm demeanor. Syaoran knew he didn't deserve Kinomoto-san's forgiveness or his smile. It somewhat irked him that the man would act so…kind to him.

Like father, like daughter.

"Kinomoto-san," he whispered, turning his head away. "I really am sorry…"

Fujitaka smiled at the boy's apology, despite still looking sallow and pale with grief. He had been right all along. Syaoran was a good man who didn't deserve to be hated or punished. After all, it was clear that the boy loved his daughter. "Syaoran-kun, I understand."

The teen looked up in surprise and came face to face with sincere, fatherly eyes.

"I understand how it feels…to have your family, or even the whole world, against your feelings of love." Fujitaka's eyes looked dazed as he thought back to his late wife, how everyone had been against their unorthodox decision to get married while she was a high school student, and he her professor. He remembered the nasty looks they received. He remembered the threats the school made against him, causing him to relinquish his career as a teacher for awhile. Yet, as he remembered her fragile smile, her long beautiful silver hair, and her bright emerald eyes, he didn't have any regrets even when she passed away. He looked at the man in front of him and saw a little of himself in him. "Granted, the situation you face now is a lot graver than the one Nadeshiko and I faced…but nonetheless, I don't blame you." Fujitaka saw as the boy's eyes widened in shock and he smiled down at him. "After all, you can't control love."

"Kinomoto-san…"

"However, I do ask one thing of you."

Syaoran nodded, his amber eyes earnest. "Anything at all."

Fujitaka grin softened. "Just promise me…you'll love her, you'll care for her." His face contorted into a look that was in between a grim frown and a small smile. "She…believes in this so much. Please give her something to believe in…for all of us to believe in."

The Li leader bowed his head, understanding the significance of Fujitaka's words and understanding how hard this was for the loving father. This impossible hope that Sakura had…her father was willing to believe in it just as much as she was. Syaoran couldn't – _wouldn't_ – disappoint him.

In nine months, he _will_ bring Sakura home to her father, a beautiful baby cradled in her arms.

* * *

"Are you certain you want to stay here for the night?" Eriol whispered into the darkness. However, the question was a waste of time. He knew what the answer would be.

Tomoyo nodded even though Eriol couldn't even see her. Quietly sitting next to Sakura's sleeping form, she looked up at her two companions. It was quiet and still in the guest room except for Sakura's even breathing. Tomoyo's amethyst eyes adjusted in the dark and found that both Meiling and Eriol were looking down at Sakura almost forlornly. Tomoyo sighed as she did the same.

It was just…tormenting to even think that her best friend might die. She was sure that the others were thinking the same thing. Sakura was such a big part of all their lives…often she was their bubbly sun who had always been there for them when they had been down. Even unconsciously she always managed to lighten up their days. It was difficult to come to terms that…her future might already be decided for her.

Meiling swallowed, her throat dry. "I-I guess we'll see you two in the morning," she said, her voice raspy as she tore her gaze from the Card Mistress.

Eriol gave Tomoyo a quick kiss on the forehead and he and Meiling started to the door when suddenly the doorknob began to turn. They knew who it would be before they even stopped in their tracks. The door opened slightly, letting a sliver of light from the hallway enter. A weary amber eyed boy stepped in, looking startled as he saw them.

"O-Oh, sorry, I thought I could see her for a…I'll just come back another time," he said as he fumbled to exit the room. He hadn't forgotten the tension that had arisen between the four of them the past couple of weeks. And now that they too knew the truth…he didn't want to agitate them even more. Even after Fujitaka had miraculously forgiven him and trusted him, he was sure that his friends wouldn't do the same.

"Wait, Syaoran," Eriol suddenly said, stopping him. Syaoran turned slowly, surprised to hear his first name on Eriol's tongue. It was the first time in a while that he hadn't said his name with such spite and malice.

The four stared at each other, especially the two men in the dim room. So many harsh words and accusations had passed between them. Their friendship had practically been shattered. As azure met amber, the tension resurfaced, threatening to tear the once close group of friends even further apart.

However, this time Eriol's eyes softened after a moment. He sighed deeply, taking off his glasses and wiping them with his shirt. "You should've told us," he said simply.

Syaoran looked away. "I-I thought it would be better if…" He, too, sighed. "I'm sorry. For everything. For treating you guys badly. For making Sakura cry and worrying you all. And for…for…" His jaw tensed and he quickly looked away in shame, his eyes hidden by his hair. How was he supposed to say it? How was he supposed to say that he was sorry for getting Sakura pregnant and endangering her life in doing so? How was he supposed to express just how sick and appalled he was at himself? How was he supposed to apologize?

Silence ensued quickly as his three friends stared at him uncomfortably. They weren't sure of what to say. They weren't even sure what they should be feeling. Were they supposed to be angry? Were they supposed to forgive him? It was such a mix of emotions…none of them knew how to word it correctly.

Finally, Eriol spoke up for them, his voice firm and sure. He looked at his former best friend straight in the eye, determined to restructure their broken friendship. "We understand." Eriol saw amber eyes widen, totally shocked. He looked toward Meiling and Tomoyo and saw their agreeing eyes and continued. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that we think you did what you thought you had to do. Even though we didn't agree with your methods, even though your actions hurt all of us…you had good intentions behind them."

Syaoran didn't understand how they could be so forgiving. "But now…Sakura…"

"You love Sakura," Meiling asserted, finally speaking. "We know that you didn't want any harm to come to her…but when people are in love…sometimes…people don't think straight. Sometimes even the strongest can't fight against their emotions."

"Honestly, Syaoran," Tomoyo's quiet voice said in the darkness, "I…don't think I would've been able to stop loving someone. I don't think I'm unselfish enough to pull myself away from someone so willingly." She caught Eriol's eye in the darkness and knew that he understood as well. If they had been in Syaoran's position, if they couldn't be together even if it was in fear of hurting the other…they didn't know if they would have enough strength to even stay away.

"Now we just have to believe in her," Meiling whispered, her gaze turning to Sakura once more. She truly didn't know if she could believe in her. Everything seemed so dead set against her after all. How was a tiny girl like Sakura supposed to fight against a centuries old curse? How was she supposed to fend off a fated death? It would be so much easier to just…get rid of the baby once and for all. But she knew that Sakura would never accept that, would never even think of doing that. And even if Meiling was doubtful, she still had to try to have faith in both Sakura and Syaoran now.

Syaoran looked at all of their grim but sure faces and was amazed. First Fujitaka and now his friends…truly they all loved Sakura, truly they must have at least a little faith in him. And knowing that they did, gave him just a bit more strength to go through with Sakura's plan of giving birth to the baby no matter what. It gave him a little bit more hope that maybe he might be able to grow old with her, to raise their child with her.

"Thank you," his deep voice said sincerely. "and yes…we just have to believe in her…"

Suddenly Sakura stirred from under the blanket. The sheets rustled as she moved, stretching, hearing the hushed voices. One particular gruff voice caught her ears as her eyes slowly fluttered open. Adjusting to the darkness, she made out the faces of her friends and settled her sights on a certain brown haired boy.

"Syaoran?" She reached for him weakly, still feeling as if she needed to sleep a day or two to feel fully rested. However, when two warm hands enveloped hers, she suddenly felt just a tad bit rejuvenated.

"Shh, Sakura, go to sleep," he whispered tenderly as he cupped her small hand in his.

"Will you stay with me?" she pleaded, her voice heavy.

Amber eyes softened at her request. He wanted nothing more than to lie next to her and hold her. But she needed immediate rest and all the rest she could get. He was afraid that she'd feel compelled to stay awake with him around. "I'm sorry…Not tonight, okay? Tomoyo's here taking care of you though."

Although her heart somewhat dropped she nodded in acceptance. She nodded off once again, the sight of his gentle amber orbs silently looking back at her being the last thing she saw.

She could survive just a few hours of sleep without him. After all things between them were better now. He loved her and she loved him. And they were going to be a family with a new little one on the way.

Things were going to be alright.

* * *

As Meiling, Eriol, and Syaoran exited the room and into the lighted hallway, Meiling and Eriol could see just how weary their companion was. They turned to him slightly and tried to express their concern, but didn't really know how to do it. What were they supposed to say? That everything was going to be okay? That Sakura was right? That they wholeheartedly believed that she would be fine?

They were still unsure about everything…and every comforting word that came to mind didn't seem like it would work.

"Guys, it's okay," Syaoran said, seeing their worried faces. "Really, I'm fine. I just…have to figure out how to…figure out more about this…how to save her just in case…"

They took in his hunched back, glazed amber orbs, and dark circles under his eyes and weren't convinced. Eriol saw his friend heave a sigh and his heart went out to him. "I want to help too, Syaoran. Don't worry, we'll figure this out."

"There's a couple hundred – well actually, thousand – books and journals about the Li clan in our private library," Meiling said, suddenly thinking of the idea. "It's a long shot but maybe I can go through them and see what they say about this whole curse. I know that the scholars have already tried to do that in the past but…"

"No, you're on the right track," Eriol said, eyes glittering with some hope. "While you do that there are a million books and journals that belonged to Clow back in England. I'll go back tomorrow and go through them as well."

Syaoran nodded, suddenly stimulated. "I'll go with you, Eriol."

His friend decidedly shook his head. "Stay here, Syaoran. You're job is here, caring for Sakura and the baby."

The Li leader furrowed his eyebrows, determined to do something to help. "But you need help. And I–"

"_You_ don't need to do anything," Meiling affirmed stubbornly. I'm sure Kero, Touya, and Yue will be willing to go to England with Eriol and read all those books. _You_ should be staying here. Besides, I'll need some help going through the Li library as well."

Syaoran looked uncertainly at them and sighed. They were right. He needed to be here for Sakura. He needed to keep her spirits up. He needed to let her know that he believed in her hope. "Fine…but…what if…"

His voice trailed off as the unanswered question rang in all three of their minds. What if they don't figure anything out? For ages, scholars have studied and analyzed this and have come up with no solution. What can_ they_ possibly achieve?

"Everything will be alright," Meiling suddenly whispered, reciting Sakura's favorite mantra. "We'll find something. We have to."

* * *

When his eyes flittered open, it wasn't early morning as he had expected. He looked around, surprised at his surroundings. Stark whiteness. Nurses and doctors hurrying around.

A hospital?

He tried to walk around to see if he spotted anyone he knew. How had he gotten here in the first place? The last thing he remembered was lying down on his bed after a long day of secrets being revealed. However, he realized that his body didn't move the way he wanted it to. He struggled to lift his right arm, to sit up straight, to stand…and nothing.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, emotions started to fill him. Worry. Stress. Guilt. They felt foreign somehow, like they weren't his. And suddenly, as these emotions filled him, his body straightened from its position in the hospital seat. He felt his body involuntarily tense as the feeling of dread filled him. His eyes focused on the hospital room door in front of him. The emergency room.

Meanwhile, as his body focused on that particular room, Syaoran was going ballistic. What the hell was he doing here? And why the hell couldn't he move? And whose emotions were these? He felt trapped in a body that wasn't his.

Suddenly a nurse exited the ER, prompting his body to stand up immediately. He rushed over to the small woman, worry filling him.

"How is she? I have to go see her!" he said. However, it wasn't his voice. It was deeper, older, and somewhat strained. But most importantly, he hadn't said those words.

"Mr. Li, I'll have to ask you to calm down," the nurse said soothingly.

However, rage and worry blinded his eyes as Syaoran felt the urge to grab the poor nurse's collar. "My _wife_ is in there! Don't ask me to calm down!" Suddenly, he was pushing the woman aside and striding toward the ER. He pushed the doors open and glared at the number of doctors who were looking down at a figure of a woman in a hospital bed. His eyes focused in on the woman and spotted her long brown hair framing her pale face.

If Syaoran could control his own body, he would've widened his eyes in shock. It was the woman who was in the old photograph.

His mother.

"Why aren't you doing anything!" his voice raged, loud enough to awaken the dead. "She's dying and all you can do is watch her!"

"We've tried everything, Mr. Li," one brave doctor said. "Nothing's working!"

"So…you're just going to let her…"

Another doctor spoke up, his voice grave. "She has about thirty minutes…tops."

A hopeless growl erupted from his throat as he went to her side. Ignoring the doctors who were slowly filing out of the ER in defeat, Syaoran felt his unfamiliar hand caress his mother's cheek.

An indescribable sorrow filled him. A sorrow too deep to even comprehend. He felt as if his heart was ripping out of his body, as if suddenly his whole life was being shattered. His chest was aching and his eyes were trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to fall down his cheek.

He couldn't bear it. Seeing her so weak, so unlike herself…he couldn't bear it anymore.

And it was all because of him…

Just whose emotions were these?

Slowly, her eyes opened slightly and she turned her head toward him. She feigned a smile and Syaoran felt a choked sob come from his throat. "Zhu…God Zhu…this can't be happening…"

His mother gave a weak chuckle. "We knew this would happen…"

"No!" he roared. "We were going to stop this stupid curse!" He put down his head in defeat. "God…I'm so sorry…we shouldn't have even tried to beat this…_No_ _one_ can beat this…"

"Is he okay?"

However, he was still blubbering, still overcome by his pain. "We were stupid, Zhu. We shouldn't have–"

"Look at me."

Something in her voice stopped him and he weakly looked deep into her amber eyes. Syaoran felt stunned as he saw his reflection in her orbs. Familiar brown hair. A strong jaw line. But something in his eyes and face were different. They didn't belong to him.

They belonged to his father.

"Is he okay, Chen?" she asked again, quietly.

"H-He's fine. But you–"

"Xiao Lang."

His eyebrows knit in confusion.

She looked up at him, the slightest hint of a smile on her lips. "Xiao Lang…his name…"

Frustrated, his father let out a low growl. "Listen to me, Zhu…focus on yourself for once. Please, you can't leave me…don't leave me."

"Take care…of him for me…okay?"

"Damn it, Zhu! Don't talk like that!"

Her eyes were content, even as he shouted. They seemed happy, fulfilled. "Chen…I have no regrets…I love you…and I love our children…please tell them that…"

He grabbed her hand and cradled it to his face. "Zhu…please…don't…"

Her amber eyes slowly closed and her voice grew considerably weak. "I love you, Chen…"

"Well that wasn't enough!" he yelled, tears blinding him. "Our love wasn't enough! Please Zhu, open your eyes…please…"

Instead, she frowned ever so slightly. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, her mouth barely even moving.

Her hand grew limp.

He began shouting. In anger. In pain. In guilt. His tears blinded him. His hands refused to let go of her now cold one. He had lost her. All because of this idiotic thing called love. All because they had believed in such a feeling.

He would never forgive himself. He would never be able to live peacefully with himself.

…Not without her.

Syaoran couldn't even fathom this amount of pain he was experiencing. It dug into his body, creating a void that will never again be filled. Seeing his mother go so freely like that…for him…

…He hated himself for it.

"It hurts doesn't it?"

His head whipped upwards to the voice. Blinking through his tears, he realized that he could once again control his body. His thoughts, his emotions were once again his own. He was finally himself.

As his vision focused, he realized that a familiar figure was standing from across the bed. His father. A pained expression covered his face. He looked away, closing his piercing black eyes. "Imagine if you weren't seeing your mother, even as heartbreaking as that already is. Imagine if it was the one person, the _only_ person, you have ever loved…Imagine if it was…"

Amber eyes widening, Syaoran realized what his father was saying and quickly looked down at the bed, forgetting to breathe.

The hand that had been his mother's wasn't hers anymore. Medium-length auburn hair. A normally tan complexion that had gone sallow. Eyelids covering normally bright emerald eyes.

"S-Sakura!"

Without thinking, he had sat down next to her lifeless body and had roughly picked her up in shock. He cradled her against his chest, feeling an unusual coldness on her skin. His fingers dug into her hair desperately as he tried with all his might to wake her.

"Sakura, p-please no!" he said, shock rattling him. "Damn it, no!"

It was a pain like no other. It was even deeper than the pain he felt as he watched his mother slowly die. It crept into his soul, eating away at it until he felt nothing. His world had collapsed. There was no reason for living anymore.

All he wanted to do…was be happy…and this…this was…all he got?

This couldn't happen. Not to Sakura.

He held her body closer, anger and pain blinding his wet, narrowed amber orbs. "I-I won't let this happen to you…I _can't_…"

And suddenly, she disappeared from his grip. Everything disappeared. He was alone with nothing but a stark whiteness.

His father's figure appeared before him and Syaoran looked up at his tall figure, understanding the emptiness in his eyes. Long strands of brown hair covered his face, but Syaoran could see the despair in his expression. In fact, he could _feel_ his despair, just being near him.

"You're right, Xiao Lang," his father's deep voice uttered. "You can't let that happen to her. Don't let her go. Don't foolishly believe in a mere emotion like love because…" His father looked away sharply. "…It only lets you down."

Syaoran couldn't even speak after feeling Sakura's limp body in his arms. He was shaking terribly, feeling numb, as he listened to his father's words. More and more he began to believe them.

"Don't make the same mistakes I've made."

* * *

Suddenly, he awoke, sitting up in a cold sweat as a scream threatened to explode from his throat. He was drenched with his own perspiration as he looked blankly into his dark room. It was still night. He was finally back.

But the effects of the dream were still present. He was trembling viciously. His insides were still lurching with the sight of Sakura…dead.

Even though it was just a nightmare, she had been so cold. She had been so…lifeless, so limp. Seeing her like that…even just _thinking_ about her like that…he couldn't take it. He just couldn't. He would rather die.

Slowly, he buried his face in his clammy palms, his father's words still echoing in his mind.

If his own father and mother, so strong and so powerful, hadn't been able to get through this…if his own father had advised him against letting Sakura go through with this…and after seeing her so…dead…

…he couldn't let her do it.

His previous hope in their love had been overwhelmed by something that had been much more powerful. Seeing her gone…it just hurt so bad. He couldn't take it.

"I can't let you do it, Sakura…"


	10. Planning

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary: **For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 10:** Planning

Syaoran.

That was the first thought that filled her mind as soon as she regained consciousness from a much needed sleep. That one thought about the certain amber eyed boy filled her with so much excitement that she could hardly control herself. She sat up, holding her stomach, while letting out a tiny smile.

A family. With Syaoran. Finally, something was looking up, despite everything she had found out yesterday. Everything was out in the open. Syaoran's cruel behavior in the past was finally explained. She had realized that he had only wanted to protect her. But most importantly…Syaoran believed in their love. She knew he did.

She knew that she should be scared. She knew she was crazy not to be. After all, knowing that this curse had ravaged the Li family for centuries was not comforting in the least bit. But knowing why Syaoran did all the things that he did, knowing that he had wanted to protect her from himself, and knowing that he now believed that they could persevere through this whole curse…it calmed her. It made her fearless. And now she wanted to be with him more than ever.

Oh how she missed him. Feeling his arms around her. Seeing his crooked grin. Kissing him so deeply that she forgot everything else.

She had to see him.

Elated, she smiled briefly at the sleeping Tomoyo on the nearby couch before rushing through the bedroom door. Reaching the hallway, she ran blindly past numerous servants who stared after her, not knowing exactly where she was going. However, a green aura was vivid in her mind.

She would find him. And nothing would stop her. Not even that slight feeling of nausea that she was starting to feel.

* * *

The amber eyed teen sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. Seated uncomfortably on a step of a ladder, he angrily slammed a musty book closed. Wearily, he threw it haphazardly into a pile of similarly ancient books, ignoring the fact that his mother and Elders would probably berate him for treating such valuable Li items with such disrespect. Instead, he climbed up the ladder to the top shelf of the closest bookshelf and grabbed the next book.

Despairingly, he turned his head to see the endless rows and rows of untouched shelves in this barely entered Li library. It would take forever to read all these books. Not to mention that he still had to translate some of the different dialects that he didn't understand.

And finding something about the curse in here, when so many scholars had went through them for so many years with no result…he knew it was near to impossible to figure something out. It seemed like all the odds were against him.

But there was still a chance. And just one chance was all he needed if it could help him save her.

He hadn't been able to sleep since that nightmare, which explains his extreme fatigue. In fact, he wasn't sure he would be able to sleep ever again…

…Not if it meant he might see and feel Sakura limp in his arms again.

His body went cold at the memory of the nightmare. His jaw clenched and the bags under his eyes suddenly grew even bigger. Blankly staring at the book he was clutching in his hands, Syaoran couldn't think straight. He couldn't get her pallid skin and her forever closed eyes out of his mind.

He would do that to her if they continued with this.

That's why he couldn't. But he knew that what he was going to do next would hurt her. And he felt ashamed of himself for resolving to…kill his own child. That small green aura that he had suddenly become so attached to – that small green aura that belonged to _his_ son or daughter – it would disappear soon…because of him.

But his child's mother would die if it happened to be a boy. And he didn't know if he could accept that. He had unconsciously been waiting for someone like Sakura for his entire life. From meeting her, becoming her rival in capturing the Cards, to finally falling in love with her, his life had changed for the better because of her. And losing her now…because of his shameful lack of self-control…even though it had resulted in something beautiful like a child…it would result in something that he just couldn't accept.

He realized now that a family with Sakura was just impossible. It was best now for her to…get an abortion and walk out of his life forever. That way, she would be able to live the life she's always wanted. Kids. A loving husband. A humble home in Japan. She would have all of that if she simply forgot about him.

He knew he had hoped that maybe being with her was plausible. But he knew better now. His own father, who had gone through the same thing, had helped him see that. Now he inwardly kicked himself. How could he possibly have thought that they could get through this? How could he have agreed that love could be powerful enough to defeat this?

He buried his face in one of his hands in defeat, feeling as if the weight that had lifted from his shoulders yesterday had returned tenfold today.

Suddenly, he heard the door creak open. It startled him as the ominous sound echoed in the library. "Feeling" who it would be before he even saw her, his tired eyes widened as she entered. She was flushed and panting, as if she had run through the entire Li mansion. Her hair was still disheveled from sleeping and she was still clad in her pajamas.

And that smile. She was beaming when she spotted him. As if she had just seen her angel.

He felt a part inside of himself break. He couldn't be her angel. He was far from one.

"S-Syaoran!" she uttered, running towards him. He stood and was enveloped with her scent as she ran into his arms. And suddenly he felt some kind of relief, feeling her familiar warm body against his. It was so different from how she felt in his nightmare. It comforted him that she wasn't so…dead in his hands.

And yet again, Sakura broke through his will. Feeling her so _alive_ in his arms…he couldn't help but embrace her tightly, never wanting to let go. He breathed deeply as she hugged him, digging his face in her auburn hair and kissing her forehead. He was so overwhelmed with relief.

Meanwhile, Sakura's emerald orbs were brimming with tears. She couldn't contain how happy she felt. Back in Syaoran's arms…back in complete and utter love with him…back to how things used to be…how things are supposed to be.

And things are even better now. Now…there was a little child inside of her…there was proof of their love for each other.

Even though the Li curse was still looming ahead, Sakura couldn't help but think that things were perfect.

Feeling Syaoran's tight embrace, Sakura pulled away slightly to look up into his face. She took in his desperate, worried, tired expression and frowned, wanting to make it all go away. Head tilted upwards, she pushed her lips onto his deeply. And just like every kiss they shared before, she felt the butterflies in her stomach. But this time, it was slightly different. This time, she felt an overwhelming need for him like no other. After being separated from him, after everything that had been revealed, she needed his love more than ever. And she wanted to show _her_ love for him more than ever.

Syaoran was startled by her actions. She was…almost ravenous. Feeling her lips pushing hungrily against his…feeling her hands grabbing onto his hair…feeling her warm body pushed up against his…he realized that Sakura was slowly breaking down his wall again. But as shameful as it was – especially in their current situation and especially because of his current resolve – he liked it.

He was getting dizzy with pleasure as his tongue pushed through her teeth and roamed the ridges of her mouth. And suddenly, he was roughly pushed against the bookshelf, causing a few books to fall from their shelves. He groaned at the thought of Sakura wanting him this badly, their mouths losing contact long enough for Sakura to work on that sensitive spot on his neck that she had found that one night with him. Damn it. And now her hands were roaming on his chest, her agile fingers slowly working their way up his shirt.

"Sakura…" he tried to warn. However, as the heat between his legs heightened, his weak warning sounded more like a whine.

Blinded with desire, Sakura took his moan as encouragement instead of a warning. Tracing the ridges of his muscles, she worked on his collarbone with her lips and tongue, gently nipping at it. She heard something like a grown erupt from his throat and suddenly her hands were shamelessly working on his belt.

All her thoughts began to focus on the night before he left Japan. The curse, the baby…everything else seemed to disappear from her mind. That night with him…it had been amazing in every way possible. She wanted that again. She wanted them to experience that night of utter love and passion again. Nothing in the world had felt as right as when they had made love.

That was when Syaoran seemed to wake up. He was suddenly pulled into reality. The dream last night filled his head. Her limp body. The aching guilt that racked his body. These things haunted him so much that despite the aching need in his pants, he grabbed her hands securely in his, determined to not lose his control yet again.

"Shit, Sakura…Stop!"

Panting, she looked up at him in confusion, her hands caught in his. The tone in his voice was so…distressed. No…it was more than that. It was something she couldn't put her finger on.

"…Syaoran?"

His eyes were desperate. And she realized just how tired they looked, as if he hadn't slept all night.

"We have to talk, Sakura," he said, his voice low and gruff. He was silent as he analyzed her oblivious expression. Sighing, he decided that the best way to do this was to…just say it. "We…We can't do this okay?"

Her eyebrows furrowed and suddenly she looked down at the floor pulling away. "I-I'm sorry, Syaoran. This is…inappropriate and uncomfortable for you now I guess. It's because I'm pregnant now, isn't it? S-Sorry," she blubbered, suddenly feeling humiliated and ashamed. How could she just go and push herself on him like that? "I-It's just that…that night was…" She looked up at him and he almost melted at the complete honesty in her expression. "It was amazing in so many ways…" She remembered the way their warm bodies had reacted to each other, the way his muscles rippled as he pinned her down against the bed, the way his hands, his tongue, his entire body had been so ravenous for her, and the way she had felt the same unashamed desire…as if she would die if she didn't have him. Despite residing in the same home as him for the past few weeks, it had been awhile since she had really seen him or talked to him since the day everything had been revealed. Even then, she hadn't really been able to talk to him alone and now that they were finally alone... "I just wanted…I wanted that again…I'm sorry."

He understood. He understood everything she was saying. He felt the exact same way. That night _had_ been amazing. He had never felt so much love and pleasure in his life. But that wasn't what he meant. He shook his head slowly, looking at her sadly. "No Sakura…I don't mean that. I mean…we can't have this baby. _You_ can't have this baby."

It took some time for the words to sink in. She almost couldn't understand. She knew that she had gotten through to him yesterday. She knew that Syaoran understood just how precious this baby was to her, to _them_. After all, he felt the aura. He realized how it was a living being now. How it was a part of them.

"W-What are you saying?" she asked, eyes wide.

He sighed as he felt her slowly back away from him. Staring at her a few feet away from him, he noticed how she suddenly put a hand to her stomach as if she was trying to unconsciously protect it. "I'm saying…you have to abort it. Right away."

The words struck her harder than any slap to the cheek would have ever done. She almost thought this was some sick joke. The father of her child, the man who has been the only one she has ever loved and who has loved her back, didn't want the child?

"I-I thought you…Don't you believe in us?" she said, her voice weak. "I thought…yesterday…"

He swallowed a lump in his throat, looking away from her. "I…I never thought…that we could get through something like this, Sakura," he lied. "From the very beginning, I knew that it was death sentence for you. And I'm sorry for…doing what I've done. But you _have_ to get rid of…it."

"You're a liar, Syaoran!" she yelled angrily. "Stop lying to me! Are you telling me that you have no hope at all in our love? Are you telling me that you're so willing to give up on your child?"

He swallowed again. "I don't want any part of its life," he said darkly, forcing his tone to be brutal. "I'm not ready to be a father. And you're not ready to be a mother."

Tears welled in her eyes and he tried to restrain himself from taking back his lies. He knew that he wanted to be a father. Now. With Sakura as the mother. He wanted to have a family with her more than anything. He wanted to raise their child with her.

But…the idea of life without her…the vision of her dead body…his happiness wasn't worth that.

Sakura weakly tried to cover her ears from the hurtful words. "Stop, Syaoran! You don't mean it!"

His heart wrenched at the sight of her despair, but he just kept remembering his father's words. "Sakura…I want you to get rid of it."

Those few words made her choke on her sobs. "Well I won't! Not even if _you_ tell me to, Syaoran!"

He gritted his teeth, knowing that of course it wouldn't be so easy to change her mind. It was Sakura after all. "Yes you will, Sakura," he said trying to sound intimidating as he clenched his jaw.

"I told everyone before, and I'll say it again, Syaoran!" she screamed, her voice echoing off the bookshelves. "I'm going to have this child and I'm going to raise it with you!"

"Well I don't want a child, Sakura! So even if by some damn miracle you have the brat, you'll be raising it by yourself!"

He sucked in a breath as he said those lies, physically feeling pained at his own words. A stricken expression spread across Sakura's face and he felt like dirt. It looked as if he had taken away her entire reason for living. And he – quite frankly – felt like shit for doing that to her.

Sakura felt her whole world come crashing down. How could he say such horrible things to her? Didn't he know how badly this hurt? Finding out that he doesn't even want to be a father. Hearing him say that he wouldn't be there with her to raise their child. Why would he–?

Emerald eyes widened.

He was lying. He was definitely lying.

There was no way that the things he said were true. It was just like a few months ago. He just wanted to…protect her. He was trying to drive her away so that she would be forced to believe in nothing else.

He was trying to save her in the wrong, distorted way.

But what made him start to think like this again?

Realizing all of this, she wiped the tears from her face with her sleeve and stared at him straight in the eye.

"I know what you're doing, Syaoran."

He frowned, surprised and somewhat relieved that she no longer looked so hopeless. "What do you mean?"

Suddenly, she had rushed into his arms again, almost knocking the wind out of him. She hugged him viciously as he stood there stiffly, not knowing what to do. Even though he desperately wanted to hug her back, he knew that he had to control himself if he wanted to make her decide not to have the baby. He swallowed instead, keeping his hands stiff at his sides.

He heard her muffled whisper as she buried her face in his chest. "You don't have to do this, Syaoran."

"I–"

"I don't care what kind of lies you tell me. Even though you're trying to protect me, this is the wrong way to do it."

Amber eyes widened in shock. Damn it. She saw right through him. What was he going to do now?

She pulled away slightly from him and beamed up at him, remainders of tears still in her eyes. "I know you, Syaoran. I was wrong to doubt you before. But now I won't fall for it again. I love you. And I _know_ deep in my heart that you love me, no matter what you claim."

Syaoran gulped. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, his voice quivering.

But she simply continued to smile. "I know that you love our child just as much as I do already. I know that you want a family. After all, we've talked about our dreams so many times before."

Damn it! No! "Sakura, that was all bullshit–"

"No, it's not," she said firmly, almost scolding him. "I know you're scared…even more scared than I am." She looked away. "Honestly, I don't know what I would do if somehow, the situation had switched…if somehow you were the one who might die."

"Then please," he pleaded, forgetting his resolve to be bitter and cruel to her. "Then you can't…"

"No," she said, looking up at him once more with a smile. "I will. And nothing you say, no matter how discouraging it is, will stop me."

"Shit, Sakura, you're being stupid!" he yelled, feeling desperate. "You _won't_ go through with this! There's no point to it!" He gulped, bracing himself for what he was going to say. "I swear, I'm falling more and more out of love with you because you're stupid enough to throw your life away like this!"

Those words made her falter. His love…it was one thing she couldn't live without. What if he really wasn't lying this time?

She was silent for a minute, her expression blank. Syaoran thought he had finally won. He finally thought those words would get to her.

…But he felt fucking terrible. How could he make her pick between her child and him?

Then suddenly, warm, luscious lips gently brushed against his. His eyes widened once more as he watched her pull away from his face.

"Tell me to my face you don't love me, Li Syaoran."

His throat clogged. He tried with all his might to say it. He put his entire body and soul just to say those hurtful words to her. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't. Not after knowing how much it hurt her the last time. Not after knowing how much it would hurt _him _to say that lie once again.

It was the one lie he couldn't force himself to say.

"S-Sakura…" he tried to plead.

Her soft hand brushed against his cheek and she smiled her beaming smile once again. "I thought so."

Just then, the library door started creaking open and Syaoran quickly pushed her away as Tomoyo and Meiling were revealed. The two newcomers looked at the couple suspiciously, noting Sakura's dried but reddened and swollen eyes and Syaoran's haggard expression.

"Syaoran? Sakura?" Meiling said, her voice full of confusion. "Is…something wrong?"

Still somewhat shaken, Sakura smiled at them and shook her head, masking her distress.

"Um, well, Eriol and your family wants to talk to you, Sakura," Tomoyo added, still suspicious. "I guess you'd better come too, Syaoran."

As the two dark haired girls exited the quiet library, Sakura looked back at Syaoran, her expression full of understanding. He watched as she closed the door behind her.

He cursed aloud, clutching at his hair and wanting to rip it out in frustration.

Damn it…she knew. She saw right through him now. No matter how hard he tried, it was impossible to make her think that he didn't love her anymore. It was impossible to take away that one hope from her. It was frustrating. After all, that meant that his nightmare of holding her dead body was slowly going to become a reality.

…But in an odd way…he was relieved that she knew that he would always love him. He just wished that in this particular situation, she would believe the opposite.

* * *

When Sakura arrived in Yelan's study, everyone – minus the Li sisters – was already present, waiting for her. With the final arrival of Sakura, Meiling, and Tomoyo, the atmosphere hushed. It was uncomfortable and tense for awhile as Sakura quietly took a seat on a nearby couch with Tomoyo. Everyone just seemed to be looking at each other, not really knowing what to say.

Yelan cleared her throat. "Sakura, how are you feeling?"

"I'm…fine," she managed to say, still a little shaken up from her meeting with Syaoran a few minutes ago.

Fujitaka spoke next. "Where's…Syaoran-kun?"

At the name, Touya's and Kero's bodies tensed noticeably and began to grit their teeth.

Sakura swallowed nervously as Meiling spoke for her. "He was…with Sakura when we found her. I told both of them to come but I guess he must've had something to do?"

"You were alone with him?" Touya asked, anger rising a little. However he didn't do anything more than glare at her.

Sakura narrowed her eyes, frowning. "He's still my…boyfriend, onii-chan."

"Yeah?" he spat, taking a step towards her. "Well he sure didn't act like it when he left you for weeks after _knocking you up_!"

His sister stood up, about to defend herself when her father spoke.

"Touya! Sakura!" Fujitaka yelled in frustration, pulling Touya's arm back a bit. "Just calm down! This _isn't_ why we're here right now!"

"Oh really, otou-san?" his son retorted. "Then why are we here? Why are we here in Hong Kong? Isn't it because that fucking brat couldn't keep his hands off my sister and now she might–"

Suddenly the door opened. Syaoran walked in silently, glancing up at the enraged Touya, clearly hearing everything that was said. However, he calmly just walked in and headed towards the corner, keeping to himself and ignoring the stares.

Touya opened his mouth and bared his fists, the target of his anger finally here, when his father grabbed his arm roughly. The dark haired man turned only to see his father's threatening eyes. Gruffly, Touya glared at Syaoran and went to stand back next to Yukito, trying to hold himself back.

The air even tenser than before, Eriol decided to speak up before anything else could disrupt the situation. "So Sakura, the reason why we're here is because we've been talking about what to do with…the current situation. I talked to Syaoran and Meiling about it last night and I suggested it to Yelan-san and your family as well."

"It's not much," Yelan added quietly as she sighed. "But it's all we can come up with. There is simply nothing else to do."

After a moment of silence, Sakura asked, "What is it?" She glanced at Syaoran who was avoiding her eyes.

"Well Syaoran, Auntie and I were going to research everything we can about the curse here in Hong Kong," Meiling said. "We have the Li private library and records that could maybe give us more information."

"Meanwhile, I'll be going to London with Touya-san, Yukito-san, and Kero," Eriol said. "We'll be looking through Clow's books with Spinel, Ruby Moon, and Kaho-san." He sighed, giving a defeated shrug. "Clow's father had been a sorcerer from the powerful Reed family in England while his mother had been a sorceress from the Li family. That's why it's often said that his magic is a mixture of both the west and the east."

Kero nodded, landing on Sakura shoulder. "It's a long shot since we're not sure how much we'll find about Clow's mother or the Li family. But it's worth a shot."

"Wait a minute, Eriol-kun," Fujitaka suddenly said, interrupting the conversation. "I'm sorry, but I thought we agreed that I would accompany you to London as well."

Eriol glanced at Touya who sighed. "Otou-san, you need to go home," his son said.

Fujitaka's eyes widened behind his glasses. "Touya, I _need_ to come with you. This is Sakura we're talking about."

"I'm worried about you though!" Touya replied, facing his father. "You haven't gotten a good night's sleep for almost two months now! You've missed work for weeks! You're…not the same person anymore. You need to relax for just a bit!"

"What I need is to find a way to save my daughter!"

"Otou-san, onii-chan," Sakura suddenly said as she stood. The two quieted as all eyes turned to her. "I understand the trouble that you guys are going through because of me. I know you are both worried. But please, don't go to any great lengths just to help me…I don't want…I don't want either of you to worry…"

"Well too bad, kaijuu, I'm going to London and that's that," Touya said gruffly. Turning to his father, he added, "and _you're_ going home, otou-san."

Fujitaka slowly shook his head. "But–"

Suddenly Sakura was in front of him, holding on tenderly to his arm. She looked up at his tired eyes pleadingly, knowing that his worry wasn't healthy for him. "Otou-san…_please_. I agree with Touya. Please do me this favor and go home and rest."

Fujitaka sighed at his daughter's words, knowing that she was only worried about him. To think that despite what she could possibly face, she was still so concerned for her tired, old father. He didn't know what else to do except stare at her silently. He wanted to help her in any way he could…couldn't she see that?

"He can stay here in Hong Kong," Yelan suggested suddenly. "I can pull some strings for him to work at a university that's pretty far away. But he can stay here most days and be near Sakura-chan."

Fujtaka's eyes brightened. Maybe he wasn't physically helping to find some way to break the curse but at least he'll be next to his daughter.

Sakura and Touya saw how this idea appeased him and they both gave in. "That's fine. As long as you _rest_, otou-san," Sakura said seriously. By Touya's nod, she could see that her brother agreed with her.

Satisfied, Fujitaka promised and nodded to them to show his sincerity. He was just happy to be by Sakura's side.

"So it's all settled then," Yelan announced as she looked at everyone. "We will have a team at London and a team here to help research anything they can about the curse. Meanwhile, Sakura's pregnancy and health will be monitored by a Li doctor who knows all about the situation and will help suggest anything that could medically help her and avoid…" Her voice faltered. "…avoid her death. And furthermore, Daidouji-san has agreed to stay by her side. As for education, Sakura will be tutored and taught by some top private Li scholars when the summer's ended. Is everything mentioned to everyone's liking?"

Knowing that there was not much else they could hope for, they all gave a subtle nod.

Eriol breathed in deeply. "Alright. So we leave for London tonight."

* * *

Sakura breathed in the fresh air as she sat on a granite bench. Surrounded by trees, flowers, and even a little pond, she found solace in the Li garden. Soaking in the warm sun, she dazed into the scenery, somewhat numbly while absentmindedly placing a hand on her stomach.

Although she had made up her mind to have the child and raise it with Syaoran, she didn't know if she to get past Syaoran's hurtful words and doubt. Yes, she knew that he was putting on a mask, trying to protect her. Yes, she knew that he was scared out of his wits. But it hurt her to think that he was so hopeless. Haven't they been through so much together already? And besides that, it hurt her to think that he was willing to go as far as trying to kill their child. Didn't he feel the need to protect it like she did? After all, it would be a product of _them_, no matter what sex it will be. Couldn't Syaoran see that no matter what happened to her or him, their little one_ needed_ to survive?

She sighed a deep sigh, dreading what was to come. She knew that Syaoran was going to try to shake her confidence in any way that he could. He might act nasty and rude every time he saw her. Or worse, completely ignore her. But no matter how many more hurtful words or harsh actions he would throw at her, she knew not to be fooled by his charade.

He still loved her. She still felt it sometimes…when he looked at her, his body language towards her. Even when he blurted words that cut into her heart, she would look into his eyes, see his pain, and felt her heart slowly revive.

He was hurting. And she understood that.

"Sakura?" an angelic voice said, snapping her from her reverie. Sakura looked up to see Meiling and Tomoyo looking concernedly down at her.

She smiled her usual Sakura smile, not wanting her friends to see her troubles. "Hey. Did you finish helping Eriol and everyone prepare?"

Meiling nodded, taking a seat next to her. "Just wanted to check up on you."

"How are you feeling?" Tomoyo asked.

"I'm absolutely fine!" Sakura announced, still smiling. "Just thinking about some things."

After a brief silence, Tomoyo nodded. "I've been thinking too, Sakura…How are things with you and Syaoran?"

Her smile almost faltered. "F-Fine! Just fine! Why do you ask?"

Tomoyo sighed as she glanced at Meiling. Obviously there was some kind of unknown tension between them still as seen from this morning when they were caught in the library together.

After a moment, Tomoyo looked at Sakura square in her emerald eyes. "Have you realized it yet, Sakura?"

Emerald orbs blinked in confusion. "Realized what?"

"I think Syaoran…has come to the conclusion that you and him can never be together…"

Sakura's eyebrows knitted, trying to understand. "What do you mean? I mean, I know this is a difficult situation. I know that. But whether or not the child is a boy, we'll still get through it! I mean, if it is a boy…I know the future will be unclear as of right now. But if it's a girl, that means I'll be safe right? That means we'll be able to continue on with life–"

"No you can't, Sakura!" Meiling suddenly interjected, grabbing Sakura's hands. She felt anguished as she saw her dear friend's hopeful face. "It's not that simple! Your whole relationship with Syaoran isn't simple anymore! Sakura, I think what Tomoyo was trying to say was that after this child – whether or not it turns out to be a boy – if everything's turns out well, if the baby turns out to be a girl or if by some miracle you survive bearing a son…you and Syaoran…I don't know if you and Syaoran could be together…"

Sakura felt her heart starting to sink as she looked at her friends' faces. "What do you mean…?"

"Sakura, listen to me," Meiling said slowly, trying to find the right words. "If the baby turns out to be a girl or if you survive giving birth to a son, everything would be fine. Except for the fact that if you and Syaoran stay together, get married, and plan to spend the rest of your lives together with a happy family, there's always a chance that your next child will be a son. And even if you survive giving birth to a son the first time for some reason, there's no guarantee that it'll happen again."

"You being with Syaoran…wanting to spend the rest of your life with him…you're risking too much, Sakura," Tomoyo whispered. "Right now, we're blessed if the child is female. But even after that…you and Syaoran are risking it all over again if you plan to marry and raise a family."

Sakura was staring at them blankly. She hadn't fully thought past giving birth to this child. The thought that she and Syaoran shouldn't be together even if she survived this pregnancy hadn't even crossed her mind.

"It's not fair to you, Sakura," Tomoyo continued quickly, trying to get her best friend to see. "It's not fair to you that just being married to someone and wanting to raise a family with someone comes with all this risk! This relationship with Syaoran is risking beyond what normal women have to go through!"

"It's not fair to Syaoran either," Meiling said quietly. "He needs to bear and raise an heir for the clan to continue. It's his duty. Without an heir, the clan would crumble and be put to shame. Do you think it's fair that he lose you because of his duty?"

No it wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

But who ever said life was fair?

Sakura simply continued to stare at them, her mouth slightly opened, wanting to say something to retort. But she couldn't find a liable argument. They were right in many ways. The only thing she could come up with was that the _loved each other_. That should be enough! That _is_ enough!

What did they expect her to say? That if she's still breathing after this pregnancy she would end things with Syaoran forever? Did they expect her to say that she didn't need to marry him? That even if she did marry him they'd decide to never have more kids? That she didn't care if Syaoran never produced an heir?

She looked into worried amethyst and ruby eyes.

"Tomoyo, Meiling," she said calmly, quietly. "I know you're worried about me. I know you're worried about Syaoran, too. I know that you want both of us to be happy. I know all of that and appreciate it greatly. I also realize that a lot of what you say is true. That even if this pregnancy bears a girl, living out the rest of my life wanting to have a family with Syaoran is still risky. I know that if I do continue to be with him, he'll be less likely to want to bear a son with me and thus bring ruin to his clan. I know all of this…and I'm sorry but…" Sakura gave a small smile. "I can't bring myself to stop being with him. No matter what."

"Sakura–"

"But–"

She stood suddenly, her back facing them. "I know you guys are trying to be good friends. But honestly…all I really need is your support."

With those quiet but confident words, she walked away and entered the building, leaving her friends alone in the garden.

Tomoyo looked at Meiling in desperation, amethyst eyes dark and hopeless. It was an unusual sight for the usually optimistic girl who could always be found encouraging Sakura in all her endeavors. This was the only time Tomoyo had ever been doubtful of Sakura's actions…and it scared her and made her feel ashamed at the same time.

She sighed aloud, turning to her Chinese companion. "Isn't it ironic, Meiling?" she whispered bitter sweetly. "We were the two who were most supportive of Sakura and Syaoran…and here we are basically trying to break them down…" She turned away from Meiling, looking sadly into her lap. "But what else can we do? How can we guarantee happiness for the both of them?"

Meiling looked at her depressed friend and felt herself sigh as she saw Tomoyo's shaken expression and hopelessness. Everyone was being affected by this situation. In the end, no matter what happens, there was a guarantee that Syaoran or Sakura or both of them will be hurt. And because one of them will be hurt, the pain will spread to their loved ones as well…to all the people they've touched or inspired or loved.

Meiling closed her eyes as an inner battle ensued inside of her. She somewhat had a solution to everything…it would not fix everything but it would lessen the heartbreak that would be sure to spread among them if nothing else was done.

Now it just depended if she had enough courage to do it.

And looking at Tomoyo now…and everyone else's hopeless, haggard expressions…she was surer and surer that she wanted to carry on with it…

* * *

Eriol sighed as he tiredly sat on top of the guest room bed. He had just finished packing with Tomoyo's help and had just contacted Ruby Moon and Spinel about further details on their arrival and their plan. Although the day's activities and planning hadn't been very physically demanding, for some reason, he was drained.

It was probably due to the doubt and stress on his mind.

This whole situation was a difficult one. It was risking too much and making everyone feel on edge. It was putting Sakura in danger…and breaking Syaoran's soul at the same time. As a result, everyone else was hurting as well.

Abruptly, he heard knocking on the door. He was surprised to realize that his visitor's aura belonged to none other than Li Syaoran. Speak of the devil.

"Syaoran," he said after his friend had entered the room, surprise evident in his voice. Although things had gotten better between them after everything came out in the clear, he hadn't really spoken to his best friend about the whole situation yet. And although Eriol had a good guess on what Syaoran was feeling…Eriol was surprised that Syaoran would be willing to talk to him so soon and so abruptly.

"Eriol…"

And suddenly Eriol didn't need to hear Syaoran's fears and doubts from his lips. They were written all over his pallid, worn face and imbedded in his fatigued, scared tone of voice. They were evident in his distraught posture, and his loss of his usual spirit.

And Eriol felt a pang in his heart. He couldn't even fathom what fear Syaoran could be feeling after all…

"Eriol…tell me…honestly…" Syaoran said, dark eyes hidden behind his bangs. "What are the chances…that something could be done about this…that we could actually find information about this?"

Eriol took in his descendant's blank expression and fisted palms. He opened his mouth to say something…something that could comfort him and possibly tell him the truth at the same time. No words came from his lips.

After all, how could you gently say that…the chances were a million in one? No…less than that?

Seeing Eriol's sympathetic face, Syaoran already knew the answer. In fact, he knew the answer even before he stepped into the room.

Eriol saw his face twist into an agonized frown and suddenly Syaoran was ignited with anger. With a tormented growl, he turned to the wall to release his anger and before Eriol knew it, Syaoran had punched through several layers of plaster and paint in his fury while spitting all kinds of profanities.

Eriol sprang to his feet and immediately tried to hold his friend back, trying to calm him down. It took him several minutes and by then, serious damage had already been done to the wall and Syaoran's bare hands were bloodied.

"You have to calm down Syaoran!" Eriol said, finally ripping Syaoran's arms away from the wall. He watched helplessly as Syaoran slumped into a nearby couch, head buried in his bruised and wounded hands.

"Damn it! How could I do this!" the young Li shouted angrily, digging his nails into his scalp in frustration. "How could I possibly claim that I love her and want to protect her when…I've done _this_!"

"Syaoran…"

"I never wanted anything more in my life…than to just _be_ with her. And now…now I can't even fucking do that! All because of…my stupid fucking absence of self-control!"

"Syaoran shut the hell up."

Still breathing deeply, Syaoran quieted at his friend's stern tone and looked up at him.

Eriol swallowed, seeing Syaoran's distraught expression. His eyes were red and at the brink of tears. His facial muscles were tense and everything about him seemed like he had already given up. He had never seen his friend so…broken.

And his words…his words tore at Eriol's heart even more.

But he had to be strong for Syaoran. Somehow, he had to make him strong as well.

"Listen to me, Syaoran," Eriol said, his voice deep with seriousness. "You can't focus on what you've done or what you've failed to do. It's already done. There's nothing else you can do. And yes, I'm not going to lie to you. It seems like everything is against you right now. It seems as if fate has already chosen that you and Sakura can't be together…" This caused Syaoran's eyebrows to furrow in distress. "…But you know what…fuck fate. I thought that last night, you and Sakura realized that you both _can_ get through this. I thought that your will was strong enough to believe in Sakura. Because frankly, that's what we're all doing…or at least trying to do. And you out of all people need to do the same."

"I can't Eriol…I can't…" His mind replayed with the image of Sakura dead in his hands and he trembled. "I keep…picturing her…in the worst case scenario…and I…I just can't…"

Eriol was quieted for awhile, gauging his friend's actions, realizing his struggle. "So…what are you going to do?" he asked, even though he was fully aware of Syaoran's plans now. "You're going to…insist that she terminate her pregnancy?"

Syaoran's silence was Eriol's answer.

Clow Reed's reincarnation sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was unsure what to make of Syaoran's resolve. Of course, he understood. Hell, he'd most likely be insisting that alternative as well. But…

"As much as it's safer for her, Syaoran…will it really fix things? Will it allow you and her to be together?"

"No. And that's okay because…as long as…as long as she's alive and well…"

"Do you really think she'll be well? Trying to live a life without you?" That silenced the stubborn Li. Eriol sighed, taking a seat next to his best friend. "Syaoran…let's try to fight this. We're all trying. She's willing to risk her life trying to raise a family with you, Syaoran. I can't tell you what to do because it seems like you've made up your mind…but…I'm going to do my part in England. I expect you to do yours here."

The room was silent for five minutes, filling the atmosphere with uneasiness. The air was tense, as was Syaoran's entire body.

"Eriol…I hope you find something in England…I…I don't know what I'm going to do…I just…"

Eriol nodded, silencing him before he continued to torture himself. "Me too…"

* * *

Sighing, Yelan brushed a long strand of black hair out of her face as she continued to pensively look out the window from her desk. Trapped alone in her office, she found herself contemplating and worrying about the Card Mistress and her son.

A lot of things hung in the balance in this situation. Yes, Sakura's life was preciously being risked with. But so was the fate of many lives that would become victims of the Cards' imminent and powerful wrath. With their mistress being abruptly taken away from them, the Cards' just recently developed strength will be released as they run rampant. Without lying dormant for some time after their master's natural death, the Cards will be even more unruly and uncontrollable than the last time they were released. Lives may actually be lost. Even the world itself could possibly be destroyed…

She knew that Sakura and the rest of her loved ones did not realize this yet. Even Eriol, the descendant of Clow Reed himself probably did not even consider what will happen to the Cards yet when he is too worried about his dear friend's life being in danger.

Yelan was still deciding when the right time was to tell them all. She had wanted to wait until they were sure of the baby's sex…but waiting that long was too risky.

Here she was, entirely drained from this whole dilemma. She could only imagine what Syaoran was feeling.

Feeling fatigued, she closed her eyes and the image of her son appeared in her mind. Exhausted, tense, heartbroken, and helpless. The exact image of her late husband.

Surely her son realized that being happy with the Card Mistress, the woman he loved, was impossible even if the baby is to be a girl. He knew that even if that were to be the case, he wouldn't be able to raise a family with her and have all those things that everyone wants with the one person they love. Her heart ached, remembering the day those few months ago that her son had come home wishing for his family's blessing for his marriage with the Card Mistress…

She wished that there was some way that Syaoran could be at least remotely happy…some way that he could fulfill his duty and his happiness at the same time…

Suddenly, without knocking or some kind of warning, a fiery woman barged into her office. Undaunted, Meiling faced her aunt and spoke before her superior even had a chance to open her mouth.

"I have a proposition, Li Yelan."

Surprised by her formal address and serious tone of voice, Yelan looked questioningly at her.

Meiling sucked in a breath, easing her doubts. "If Sakura's child is female…which hopefully it is…" Her voice stopped as she mustered up courage. She looked at her baffled aunt square in the eye.

"I want to bear the Li heir."

* * *

**Guess who's baccckk! Sorry for the absence but I've been focusing on college and family and...I guess life. xD But thanks for all the support during my time away guys! You don't know much i appreciate coming back to and seeing the reviews! **


	11. Caring

**Restraint**

**By: **pnaixrose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

**Summary: **For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

* * *

**Chapter 11:** Caring

Sakura looked around anxiously as she sat in front of the doctor's chair, her right leg moving up and down in a nervous tick. She spotted the impressive medical degree from a prestigious university framed on the wall and noticed the professional atmosphere of the room as her eyes trailed along the medical books and journals on the shelf opposite of her. There were stacks of informational packets and brochures nearby as well.

It was all starting to get her overwhelmed.

It was her first visit to her obstetrician and she had no idea what to expect.

Tomoyo, sensing her nerves, laid a hand on Sakura's shoulder and she smiled in gratitude at her friend who sat in the seat beside her. "Tomoyo…thanks for coming with me today," Sakura said shakily.

The amethyst-eyed beauty simply smiled in return. "Of course, Sakura. I wouldn't have missed it."

This seemed to strike an awkward cord between the two. After all, the one person who should be seating in Tomoyo's place was nowhere to be found. In fact, he had not been in sight for the last couple of days since Eriol and Sakura's guardians and brother left for England.

Meiling, who had said she had plans and couldn't make it to the first appointment, had assured them both that Syaoran was scouring the library shelves, delving himself to finding the answer behind this entire situation. Sakura didn't doubt her Chinese friend. But she knew that there was another reason behind his disappearance. She knew he was trying to act cold towards her, trying to drive her to do the impossible...to give up.

She sighed aloud and Tomoyo just stared quietly and sadly at her friend, knowing her thoughts but not knowing what to say. As they had grown up together and had been very close from their childhood, Tomoyo always had an uncanny skill in knowing exactly what would comfort Sakura. Lately, with all that's been happening, Tomoyo had been speechless more times than she can remember herself ever being. She felt useless these days.

Suddenly, the door opened and a gentle-looking woman in her early thirties, clad in a white doctor's coat, walked in, smiling at them both. As she sat down in front of them, Sakura tensed despite the doctor's pleasant and friendly demeanor.

"Kinomoto Sakura I presume?" the doctor asked in perfect Japanese. Sakura nodded slightly before taking the doctor's hand in a firm shake. The doctor smiled, her black eyes gentle behind her glasses, and continued. "It's a pleasure and honor to meet you, Card Mistress."

Sakura was somewhat taken aback at the doctor's familiarity with her and her secret until she remembered that Yelan had said that only doctors that knew about every aspect of the situation would be administered to Sakura's aid. They would be doctors within the Li family and thus were fully aware of just who Sakura is and what the situation entailed

"My name is Dr. Li Niu and I am your head obstetrician. Because of the delicacy of this situation, there were a few doctors with a few different specialties that are working with me." Dr. Li winked at her. "But they're all old farts so they decided that I would be the head and go-between gal."

Sakura and Tomoyo giggled a bit and Sakura was grateful that the atmosphere lightened.

Dr. Li leaned back in her chair and smiled. "Well first of all, I was briefed on what has happened on my way back home from Africa so I really didn't get too much information or details." Dr. Li saw their inquisitive looks and added, "My specialty is working in foreign countries that don't have advanced medical technology that we do. Especially with highly dangerous, abnormal, or potentially fatal childbirths."

Sakura nodded in awe and respect. What a strong woman…she seemed to be happy and proud of what she does though, despite how difficult they seemed. And with her specialty and credentials, no wonder they picked her to be the head obstetrician.

"Now then, why don't you tell me a little about the situation, Sakura-chan?" Dr. Li said easily, making the Card Mistress feel comfortable with the casualness.

"Well…um…I'm eighteen years old," Sakura began slowly, unsure of what really to say…or where to begin. Plus, she wasn't sure if she could even trust this woman. After all, with so many Lis wanting her to give up the baby, she wasn't really sure which Li to trust anymore. "And basically…um…Syaoran and I-" She stammered, blushing slightly. "I mean, Master Li and I…we…we're pregnant," she said quietly. She looked down at her lap. "And with the circumstances of the Li family history…I'm told that if I am carrying the Li heir…I will…"

A silence ensued and the doctor's eyes softened, her smile fading to a slight sad curve. Oh, the troubles that this young girl has to face…the pressure…it's unfair. Li Niu had been pressured by the Elders and the other doctors to convince this young girl to give up the baby. And yes, she had a duty to her family and clan. But she also had a duty as a moral human being to listen to this troubled teen. Even though they had threatened her, even going as far as implying that her medical license would be taken away – and yes, the Li Elders can do that if they wished – she was determined to give this girl what she deserved. She leaned in to Sakura as emerald eyes looked up at her. She held out her hand, waiting for Sakura to take it. As she did, Dr. Li squeezed it gently.

"Sakura-chan…I know the situation is difficult. I commend you for being so strong, dealing with the news so bravely. But I want to know _your _feelings, my dear," the doctor said with honest eyes. "I don't care what people have told you to do or what not to do, what or what will not happen._ You_ are my patient. And I am here to listen to your feelings and concerns. Not because you are the Card Mistress and it's my family's duty to protect you, but because as a pregnant woman, you deserve to have your voice heard and known."

Tomoyo smiled at the young doctor's genuine words and Sakura nodded, suddenly trusting her.

"To tell you the truth, Dr. Li…I-I'm scared," Sakura said quietly, laying a hand on her still-flat tummy. "I'm scared of losing this baby, of losing the support and love of those who want me to lose it, of losing Syaoran…" She swallowed, suddenly coming to terms with her feelings. Yes, she's been confident and upbeat about it all this time. But with so many people against her…including Syaoran…it's hard not to feel so desperate and hopeless. She took a brave sigh. "I-I know I can do it. I know if it is a boy, I will be able to survive and raise him. I know that I want this baby more than anything right now…" She trailed off and gave a slight smile. "…it's really the only one that I know that wants to live as much I as I want it to live."

A determined air took over her as Sakura looked confidently at the doctor. Dr. Li only smiled brightly, remembering as a young girl her father speaking of such unwavering confidence and resolve from a particular Li husband and wife pair. Her father had been the head obstetrician for the late Master Li and his wife and she remembers him working at great lengths to protect them both from their family's dark history. And even though he technically failed, this time it wouldn't repeat.

She'd make sure of it.

She gave Sakura's hand a firm squeeze. "Okay, well to get down to business," she said, a surge of determination running through both of them. "We'll be doing a C-section for your delivery. It's the safest bet that no complications would come from labor and it's also so that we have full control of the situation. We'll set up the appropriate date and time after I give you a physical and check-up today. Also, I'm suggesting that you start attending childbirth classes right away as well as eating the right kinds of food. You're going to be experiencing a lot of changes, Sakura-chan…it's best for both you and the baby to be prepared and properly nourished. Also, while most expecting mothers only have to come for check-ups every few weeks, I'm going to ask you to come every day. I can come to you as well, if you'd like. And then…Sakura-chan? Are you okay?" the doctor asked, realizing that the Mistress's eyes had glazed over, unfocused.

Tomoyo turned to her friend as well and gave a concerned look. Sakura shook her head a bit, just was shocked at the amount of information that she was given already. There were so many things to know and do…how can she accomplish with them all? And how can she deal with them all?

She felt Tomoyo squeeze her shoulder and saw the doctor smiled encouragingly.

"It's going to be hard, Sakura-chan, especially with your young age and my family's dark history," Dr. Li began, "but we will get through it!"

Sakura nodded and heaved a breath before smiling. She _can_ do this. She knows she can.

* * *

Meiling peeked in through the private Li library and did not see the certain boy she had been looking for. She pushed through the doors, listening for the usual rustle of paper that always greeted her as she entered. Syaoran was usually tiredly leafing through books near the shelf ladder, not even looking up to greet her. She finally found him sprawled on a nearby desk, his head – heavy with sleep – on the current book he was working on. She sighed at the sloppy sight of him, and poked him, trying to wake him.

"Xiao Lang, you shouldn't sleep like that," Meiling said, trying to wake the heavy sleeper. "Your neck will hurt, silly." He didn't stir. Fed up, Meiling started shaking him awake. "Xiao Lang!"

He finally awoke, so gravely startled that Meiling was scared at his reaction. His eyes were wide and undilated, the redness from his fatigue apparent in the whites of his eyes. He was shaking as he look about in a stupor, seeming as if he had no clue where or who he was. He was latching onto her, his grip on her arms as tight as a vice as he breathed heavily.

"Xiao Lang!" she yelled in worry. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Finally, at the concern of her voice, Syaoran's amber orbs focused and realized where he was. He breathed a sigh of relief, his body still trembling. He had just dreamt that Sakura was once again limp in his arms. Every time he tried to sleep it seemed the nightmare would always ensue. It reminded him of the nights before Sakura had arrived in Hong Kong, of when he would dream of that one night they had spent together in Japan and the pleasure then the pain of the consequences that were sure to come…the consequences that _have_ come.

Except these were much, much worse nightmares.

"M-Meiling…I'm sorry…" he said, raggedly, trying to calm himself. "Nightmare."

With that one-word explanation, Meiling nodded, trying not to pry. She could only imagine what nightmares would be entering his sleep at night these days…if he even got sleep in the first place. Which of course, seemed was not the case looking at his tired, bag-filled eyes. She sighed, ruby eyes concerned as silence filled the air between them.

Syaoran swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat. "S-Sakura and Tomoyo…" he began, trying not to sound terribly concerned about one emerald eyed girl in particular. He laid his head on his hand in faux relaxation as his eyes glued onto the Chinese symbols in the book in front of him. But of course, his eyes weren't focusing on the words and meanings behind them. Right now the symbols were just a blur. "…they are…?"

"Meeting with the doctor. Should be getting back soon," Meiling finished, not fooled by her cousin's forced aloofness.

"Ah," Syaoran said, although he had already known the answer. "You've heard from them?"

Meiling shook her head. "Syaoran…why are you…here? Not with her? I know you want to hear about her health or any updates. Or anything for that matter that has to deal with her condition."

Syaoran's face twisted in a scowl as he looked away. Of course he did. He wanted to be there next to her every step of the way. He wanted to hear about his child, about the health of its mother. But being involved with anything that had to do with her health – or anything that had to do with _her_ for that matter – would put him in the position of supporting her choice. And he had sworn each and every time he dreamed of her cold, dead body in his arms that he wouldn't – _couldn't_ – let her have this baby. He had to be as distant as possible and try to convince her not to. "I…I'm not that interested," he lied weakly.

Meiling looked at Syaoran's struggling face intently, her heart full of empathy for him. Such a defeated look to his young face. It didn't suit him. It didn't suit this boy who had cared and protected her throughout their childhood, this boy who had been the target of her love for so long until Sakura had come along. She still loved him dearly. Not in the same way, but definitely enough to do what she has been planning to do.

She swallowed. "I have a suggestion." His head turned to her, eyes quizzical. Meiling sighed a long sigh before she continued. "Let me bear the Li heir, Xiao Lang."

* * *

"Dr. Li is very gentle," Tomoyo started as she and Sakura walked down the street. They had refused the driver that Yelan had sent for them, insisting that they needed the fresh air. The hospital was very near the Li complex anyway. "I'm glad she's your doctor."

Sakura nodded, smiling. It was true. Her fears about her pregnancy had been slightly alleviated knowing that someone finally understood.

"Thanks again for coming, Tomoyo," Sakura said honestly. She looked down in shame. "I-I know it's been awhile since we've been alone like this…and it's been awhile since I've been my…regular self," she said, remembering how horribly she had treated those who cared for her dearly after so many things had happened back in Japan. "I'm so sorry for all those mean things I've said..."

Tomoyo felt her heart lighten and she smiled genuinely. "Oh Sakura…" She grabbed her best friend's hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "I'm here for you. We all are."

Sakura gave a small smile in return. '_Not everyone…'_ she thought sadly to herself.

But Tomoyo already knew by the look on Sakura's face exactly what she was thinking. "Syaoran will come around. We already know how hard it is for him to be away from you. During the time when Meiling, Eriol, and I wouldn't allow him to speak to you when we first got to Hong Kong, he kept sneaking around just trying to get to see you!" Tomoyo said, trying to be cheerful.

Sakura smiled. It sure sounded like something Syaoran would do. But now… "Yeah…"

"He loves you, Sakura. Just try to hold on to and remember that feeling," Tomoyo said sincerely.

Sakura thought about her best friend's words. Yes. She had to still believe. Lately, her faith in herself and in this pregnancy had been wavering due to fear. Her faith in Syaoran had been too. But she had to keep persevering. She had to keep believing in what she knew was right. And she had to keep believing in their love for each other.

Sakura stopped walking and look up at her best friend gratefully. "Oh Tomoyo…thank you so much! You always know what to say!"

And for the first time in a while, Tomoyo was proud of herself. She may not always know the perfect words. But if it was Sakura, she would find them. She smiled brightly before her face fell into a frown. "Oh but I do regret one thing throughout everything that has happened…"

Sakura frowned as well at her friend's now saddened demeanor. "What? I'll do anything to make it up to you!"

Suddenly Tomoyo's signature devilish grin appeared. "I forgot my camera! When I go buy a new one, please allow me to catch the next nine months on tape for you, Sakura-chan! I _need_ to capture 'The Next Baby Sakura' days!"

A sweat dropped formed as Sakura's eyes shrank into dots. "W-What! B-But-!"

"Oh, c'mon, Sakura-chan! I already missed 'Sakura's First Baby Making!'"

Sakura's face turned as red as a tomato as she imagined a little red recording light that illuminated in the dark, trained on her every move as she and Syaoran...

"Y-Y-You wouldn't do that!" Sakura said embarrassedly, every part of her body turning a deep red. "That's _too_ much! Even for you!"

Tomoyo laughed her signature laugh as she started to walk towards the Li complex again, relishing at how right things felt for that brief moment. Things were far from being back to normal. And there were no guarantees that they would be going back to normal. But as long as Sakura was with her…Tomoyo was going to make every moment count. She would be there for her as a friend and try to keep her spirits up as much as she possibly could.

She still couldn't fully agree with Sakura's choice in going through with the pregnancy. Especially since it was Sakura's life on the line. But…

"Oh, Sakura-chan! No need to act so embarrassed! I'm sure you both performed beautifully!"

"T-T-T-T-Tomoyo-chan!"

Tomoyo only laughed as she walked, her best friend simmering with embarrassment behind her.

…This was Sakura. She needed to have faith in her.

* * *

"M-Meiling? What are you talking about?" Syaoran's eyebrows knotted in confusion.

Meiling stood and faced away, her back towards him as he sat, looking up at her. She knew what she was saying. And she knew what she was resigning herself to. But if he wanted to live happily – and _he_ out of everyone she knew deserved happiness – he wouldn't be able to say no to her proposal. "If Sakura's child turns out to be a girl that would be good news right?"

"Yeah."

"…But only for a short time."

Syaoran was silent. He knew it was the truth. Even if the baby is a girl and even if Sakura is somehow convinced to abort the baby if it's a boy…it's not like they could be together anyway. There's no telling that it wouldn't happen if they suddenly birthed another child. He didn't want her to have to succumb to such a fate again. Having a family with Sakura is just… impossible. He knew that already. He had accepted his fate of just living his life without her already. As long as she was alive and breathing, he'd give up anything.

"In a few months, when we find out the gender of the baby," Meiling began, "If it's a girl…let _me_ bear the Li heir with you. After the heir is born…then you can continue to have a life with Sakura…and your family."

Syaoran's eyes widened and his body grew stiff. "M-Meiling! You're suggesting that you…"

"…basically take the place of your partner until the heir is born. Afterwards, when everything is safe, you can finally be with her."

Syaoran stood up, knocking over the chair he was sitting in. "B-But that's…You can't Meiling! I won't allow it!"

Meiling turned to him, black hair whipping around her and eyes aflame. "It's your only chance of being happy with her!"

"Meiling!"

"Am I not good enough to bear the heir with you, Syaoran! Did you want it to be with someone with magic or something?"

"Stop it, Meiling! I-"

Suddenly, in midsentence, lips covered his and slender arms wrapped around his neck. His eyes widened in shock as he struggled against her, finally prying her off from him. He looked away, amber eyes cloudy as he tried to assess all the thoughts running through his head.

…What the hell just happened?

Tears had sprung to Meiling's eyes as she stared blankly in the air. She didn't know what had taken over her. Why had she done that? She knew that he and Sakura were meant to be. And she knew that she no longer had feelings of love for him anymore. Even during the kiss itself she hadn't felt any surge of emotion of anything except for pure concern and care. Maybe it's just that he was the closest person that she had ever loved?

"I-I'm sorry…I don't know why I…"

"Meiling…" Syaoran started carefully, looking over at her. "I…thought you know…that I don't love…"

Her eyes widened, realized that he was trying to clarify his platonic love for her. "I-I know, Syaoran! I know. I know that I don't feel that way either. Not ever since you told me your feelings for Sakura and broke off the engagement all those years ago," she replied. "But…I do love you in a different way, in a caring way, more than anyone else. I know that being with Sakura and having a future with her would make you the happiest man on earth. Let me do this for you, Syaoran." She looked down, hiding her eyes from him and starting to tremble. "…After all, this is really the only thing I can do for you. You've done so much for me and yet I still haven't been able to give you anything back. I'm useless to you…to everyone. I know you don't love me, Syaoran. I know I'm not Sakura and I never will be. I know it would kill you to be with anyone else besides her. But just let me do this…so you can ultimately be happy with her."

An awkward silence yet again came up between them, wheels of thoughts spinning in both of their heads. Meiling peeked up at his face, his eyes unreadable and in a daze. She sighed as she started to walk away. "Just…think about it. We still have until the gender is found out. Okay?" And before she could hear him respond, she had taken off and left the library as fast as her legs could possibly take her.

When Syaoran finally snapped out of his daze, she was already gone. Cursing under his breath, his legs finally started to run, determined to catch up to her, talk to her about her ridiculous idea.

Yes, he wanted to be with Sakura, spend his life happily with her. The idea was slightly tempting only for that one aspect. It was tempting enough to make him go into a daze, mulling the idea through his head. But only for a second. Because in the end, it was just so utterly ridiculous!

Did Meiling really think that would make him happy? That he wouldn't be any more devastated if he lost his cousin rather than Sakura? Did she realize how much this would complicate things? How Sakura would feel about it?

He had to straighten out her mind before she really becomes engrossed in this idea. Because when she really believes in something…she never lets go of it.

Hopefully she could still be convinced.

* * *

Sakura breathed in the clear air, seated on a rock and looking down at the calm water below her. She had just returned from seeing Dr. Li and decided to take a break in the Li gardens before she was called for dinner. This location right next to the largest pond in the garden was her favorite spot. In her hands were all the informational pamphlets about pregnancy that she had been given. She was determined to read them all eventually. She wanted to know _everything_ that was happening and going to happen to her body.

Setting aside the pamphlets next to her, she gently laid her palms on her belly, a small smile on her lips. One of her favorite things to do these days was just sit and analyze that aura that was steadily growing inside of her. That strange but undeniable mixture of hers and Syaoran's auras. She closed her emerald eyes, reveling in that aura. Her child's aura.

It was so calming. It felt warm. And the more she felt it, the more she loved and cherished it. There was just something about it that just made her feel uncannily…_good_. Fearful…yet happy. Protective…yet loving.

The most endearing part about it was that it was so fiery and strong…so ready to _live_.

She couldn't let that down, right?

Suddenly, a strong breeze blew past, interrupting her. To her surprise, all the pamphlets blew past her in the wind, heading towards the pond and she let out a cry. Instinctively, she jumped off her rock, intent on landing on the stepping stone in the water, her arm outstretched to catch one of the pamphlets in the air.

Her foot slipped on the wet rock. Panic rose within her and a cry left her throat.

Normally a clumsy fall of hers would not be such a problem. But in the last moments before hitting the shallow water face first, her right hand flew to her abdomen and she wasn't worried about her own safety…

* * *

Although she was nowhere in sight, he knew he was gaining on Meiling's trail. He would always _just_ miss her as she turned the corner. Somehow, he had been led to the gardens, the conversation between him and Meiling repeating freshly throughout his head as he ran with all his might.

But suddenly, he stopped. The sight before him was…breathtaking.

Across the pond was a smiling Sakura. Short auburn hair blowing in the breeze, causing the hair that framed her face to float ephemerally. She was simply sitting on a rock, her eyes closed and her hands demurely on her belly. But something about the sight…

…Hit him straight in the heart.

He had been so engrossed on his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed her aura. Or his child's. Now that he did…he noticed how the auras were mixing with each other, already so in tune. As if they were already familiar and comfortable. They were lively and warm, causing him to feel warm as well. His body and mind felt as if they were in peace. He hadn't felt this calm in months.

The whole experience…just...made him feel so…

…good.

But just as sudden as he had come upon the sight, it abruptly stopped. And the scene that began to play out before his eyes caused him to feel quite the opposite in a matter of milliseconds.

As he watched her foot slip, he only had one clear intention in his mind.

Protect them.

* * *

"FUUKA SHOURAI!"

To her shock, the fall she was expecting did not come. Instead of the splash of water and the pain of hitting the shallow ground, she was enveloped in a warm, protective wind. Trying to get her bearings, she realized that the wind had gone and that she was being carried and cradled in familiar arms.

She looked up suddenly, realization hitting her. "S-Syaoran!"

He was panting heavily, his heart still threatening to escape his chest and his eyes still wide with fright. Knee deep in the pond, he had sprinted across its length faster than he had ever sprinted just to get to her.

Never before had he been this frazzled by Sakura simply falling.

He didn't like the feeling. Not one bit.

"Are you an idiot, Sakura?!" he yelled angrily down at her as she meekly looked up at him in shock. "You can't be so careless! Why didn't you use the Cards!? If anything happened to you two, I-"

He stopped midsentence as their eyes locked.

'_You __**two**__._'

He had said, '_You_ _**two**_.'

He gently let her stand on her own two legs in the water and they looked at each other quietly. It was actually quite an unusual scene. Two people standing in the middle of a pond with pregnancy pamphlets floating gently around them.

Syaoran tried to compose himself and his thoughts. Ugh. What was he thinking?!

He's not supposed to care about '_it'_! '_It'_ might take away something very precious to him. '_It'_ was making them go through all this pain. And yes, he had grown to acknowledge it as his own. And somehow, he felt strangely attached to it. Those few days ago when he had felt its aura, he knew that it somehow made him good. And just a few minutes ago, witnessing its interaction with Sakura made him feel happy. But no. He couldn't. He couldn't afford to _care_ about it.

And yet…

He knew he did.

"I-I should go," he stated, turning his back.

As he began to clumsily splash through the water, Sakura called after him. "W-Wait! Syaoran!"

To her surprise, he stopped walking.

"Th-Thank you…"

She saw his head briefly nod before he continued walking out of the lake and eventually out of sight.

Even as Sakura watched Syaoran's retreating back, she felt her heart lighten. Although his face had been unreadable and flustered, she knew and understood why he suddenly allowed a sliver of his concern for her and their child to show. She knew all too well that feeling of panic of their child potentially getting hurt. She had felt it too.

And because he felt that way…she knew that he still cared.

* * *

It was nearing midnight as Eriol yawned. For the past few days, he and his companions had poured through the books in the gigantic Reed library from morning till well past midnight. Some of them – namely Touya and Yukito – staying up much later. He was seated in a seat next to a majestic window, a growing pile of already read books next to him. The false forms of Kero and Spinel Sun slept heavily next to him on some books. Touya and Yukito were concentrating on the other side of the library and he could faintly spot them still reading. Nakuru and Kaho were currently preparing a late night meal. Thankfully, throughout the past few days they were the ones preparing food and convincing them to take breaks. Everyone was vigorously doing their part.

And yet nothing.

Nothing but some unimportant Reed family histories that he already knew. The same old praises and admiration for Clow for becoming the mix of Eastern and Western magic. The same old incantations and explanations behind the cards' powers.

Nothing about a strange curse that has ravaged the Li family for centuries.

Which was not surprising since this was the Reed side of Clow – the western side of his magic. It would only make sense that not much information about the Lis would be here. Although he had found some books that had scattered information about the Li woman that Clow Reed's father had wed, not much else on the Li family was said.

Tiredly, he removed his glasses and rubbed his strained eyes, resting them for a bit. But suddenly, his cell phone rang and he sighed. No doubt it was Syaoran again. He had been calling several times a day these past few days just for any updates. Eriol always gave him the same answer though.

"Syaoran," he said into the phone, voice cracking with fatigue. "There's nothing yet. We're all trying very hard still though."

It was quiet on the other line, and Eriol suddenly grew worried.

"Syaoran?"

There was a muffled, almost inaudible response.

"Syaoran, are you okay?"

"I care."

The two words caused Eriol's eyebrows to knit together in confusion. "What…what do you mean?"

A frustrated yell was heard from the other line. "I care about it! Why do I care?!"

Eriol's heart dropped, hearing his friend's grief. The tone in Syaoran's voice…was just so defeated. And scared. And confused.

Eriol didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. All he could do was listen to the Chinese boy sputter some curses and incoherent ramblings before the phone call was finally cut short.

* * *

**PHEW! It's been sooo long and it feels so good to write again! ****I forgot how much I love reading fics and being part of ! Thankfully ****I recently rewatched Card Captor Sakura and fell in love with it all over again, motivating me to update this. I swear, I consider myself too old to watch CCS but it still affects me in the same exact way.  
I'm such a little girl at heart. xD **

**Also, I have a new CCS fanfic in mind. I've had a couple in my mind but this one has been standing out and I've written some of it already. Keep a look out if you're interested! **

**Hope you guys enjoyed and please leave reviews and comments! I'd love to hear from you, whether it's criticism or praise! If you have any CCS fic suggestions too, please let me know! I've been itching to read a good one that captures the original anime/manga's type of feel and that isn't AU or out of character. If you know of any, let me know!  
**


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